Lesson on ORKSE “Family is a small Church” lesson plan on ORKSE (grade 4) on the topic

Orthodoxy is a religion that preserves the teachings of Jesus Christ our Lord in purity and holiness. Therefore, Russia is a stronghold of faith and strength that is called upon to save the world. The One Holy Catholic and Apostolic Church, which the Lord created, is preserved due to the fact that traditional marriage in our country is enshrined in the laws of the Church and the laws of the state - now constitutionally it is considered the only possible marriage between people. The family is the main instrument that serves to strengthen the unity of the Church.

Family origin

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God created the family. When he created man, he decided that he should not be alone and created a wife from his flesh. So, at the same time as society, the family appeared. And, due to the fact that she is the creation of the Lord, the Grace of the Holy Spirit rests on her. The Lord blessed the first spouses and told them that they should be fruitful, multiply, fill the Earth and possess it. This is how the history of mankind began, this was the standard of relationships - a husband and wife must receive God's blessing and then the whole world will belong to them.

Family as a small Church

Archpriest Rev.
Maxim Kozlov 1. What does it mean – family as a small Church?

The words of the Apostle Paul about the family as a “domestic Church” (Rom. 16:4) are important to understand not metaphorically and not in a purely moral sense. This is, first of all, ontological evidence: a real church family in its essence should and can be a small Church of Christ. As St. John Chrysostom said: “Marriage is a mysterious image of the Church.” What does it mean?

Firstly, in the life of the family, the words of Christ the Savior are fulfilled: “... Where two or three are gathered in My name, there I am in the midst of them” (Matthew 18:20). And although two or three believers can be gathered without regard to a family union, the unity of two lovers in the name of the Lord is certainly the foundation, the basis of the Orthodox family. If the center of the family is not Christ, but someone else or something else: our love, our children, our professional preferences, our socio-political interests, then we cannot talk about such a family as a Christian family. In this sense, she is flawed. A truly Christian family is this kind of union of husband, wife, children, parents, when the relationships within it are built in the image of the union of Christ and the Church.

Secondly, the family inevitably implements the law, which by the very way of life, by the very structure of family life, is the law for the Church and which is based on the words of Christ the Savior: “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” "(John 13:35) and the complementary words of the Apostle Paul: "Bear one another's burdens, and in this way fulfill the law of Christ" (Gal. 6:2). That is, the basis of family relationships is the sacrifice of one for the sake of the other. The kind of love when it’s not me at the center of the world, but the one I love. And this voluntary removal of oneself from the center of the Universe is the greatest good for one’s own salvation and an indispensable condition for the full life of a Christian family.

A family in which love is a mutual desire to save each other and help in this, and in which one for the sake of the other constrains himself in everything, limits himself, refuses something he desires for himself - this is the small Church. And then that mysterious thing that unites husband and wife and that can in no way be reduced to one physical, bodily side of their union, that unity that is available to church-going, loving spouses who have gone through a considerable path of life together, becomes a real image of that unity of all with each other in God, who is the triumphant Heavenly Church.

2. It is believed that with the advent of Christianity, Old Testament views on the family changed greatly. This is true?

Yes, of course, for the New Testament brought those fundamental changes to all spheres of human existence, designated as a new stage of human history, which began with the incarnation of the Son of God. As for the family union, nowhere before the New Testament was it placed so highly and neither the equality of the wife nor her fundamental unity and unity with her husband before God were spoken so clearly, and in this sense the changes brought by the Gospel and the apostles were colossal , and the Church of Christ has lived by them for centuries. In certain historical periods - the Middle Ages or modern times - the role of a woman could recede almost into the realm of natural - no longer pagan, but simply natural - existence, that is, relegated to the background, as if somewhat shadowy in relation to the spouse. But this was explained solely by human weakness in relation to the once and forever proclaimed New Testament norm. And in this sense, the most important and new thing was said exactly two thousand years ago.

3. Has the church’s view of marriage changed over these two thousand years of Christianity?

It is one, because it is based on Divine Revelation, on Holy Scripture, therefore the Church looks at the marriage of husband and wife as the only one, at their fidelity as a necessary condition for full-fledged family relationships, at children as a blessing, and not as a burden, and to a marriage consecrated in a wedding, as a union that can and should be continued into eternity. And in this sense, over the past two thousand years, there have been no major changes. Changes could concern tactical areas: whether a woman should wear a headscarf at home or not, whether to bare her neck on the beach or should not do this, whether grown-up boys should be raised with their mother or whether it would be wiser to begin a predominantly male upbringing from a certain age - all these are inferential and secondary things that , of course, varied greatly over time, but the dynamics of this kind of change need to be discussed specifically.

4. What does master and mistress of the house mean?

This is well described in the book of Archpriest Sylvester “Domostroy”, which describes exemplary housekeeping as it was seen in relation to the middle of the 16th century, so those who wish can be referred to him for a more detailed examination. At the same time, it is not necessary to study recipes for pickling and brewing that are almost exotic for us, or reasonable ways of managing servants, but to look at the very structure of family life. By the way, in this book it is clearly visible how high and significant the place of a woman in the Orthodox family was actually seen at that time and that a significant part of the key household responsibilities and cares fell on her and was entrusted to her. So, if we look at the essence of what is captured on the pages of “Domostroi”, we will see that the owner and the hostess are the realization at the level of the everyday, lifestyle, stylistic part of our life of what, in the words of John Chrysostom, we call the small Church. Just as in the Church, on the one hand, there is its mystical, invisible basis, and on the other, it is a kind of social institution located in real human history, so in the life of a family there is something that unites husband and wife before God - spiritual and mental unity, but there is its practical existence. And here, of course, such concepts as a house, its arrangement, its splendor, and order in it are very important. The family as a small Church implies both a home, and everything that is furnished in it, and everything that happens in it, correlated with the Church with a capital C as a temple and as the house of God. It is no coincidence that during the rite of consecration of every dwelling, the Gospel is read about the Savior’s visit to the house of the publican Zacchaeus after he, having seen the Son of God, promised to cover up all the untruths that he had committed in his official position many times over. Holy Scripture tells us here, among other things, that our home should be such that if the Lord visibly stood on its threshold, as He always stands invisibly, nothing would stop Him from entering here. Not in our relationships with each other, not in what can be seen in this house: on the walls, on bookshelves, in dark corners, not in what is shyly hidden from people and what we would not want others to see.

All this taken together gives the concept of a home, from which both its pious internal structure and external order are inseparable, which is what every Orthodox family should strive for.

5. They say: my home is my fortress, but, from a Christian point of view, isn’t behind this love only for one’s own, as if what is outside the home is already alien and hostile?

Here we can recall the words of the Apostle Paul: “...As long as we have time, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who belong to the family of faith” (Gal. 6:10). In the life of every person there are, as it were, concentric circles of communication and degrees of closeness to certain people: these are everyone living on earth, these are members of the Church, these are members of a particular parish, these are acquaintances, these are friends, these are relatives, these are family, the closest people. And the presence of these circles in itself is natural. Human life is so arranged by God that we exist at different levels of existence, including at different circles of contact with certain people. And if we understand the above English saying “My home is my fortress” in the Christian sense, then this means that I am responsible for the structure of my home, for the structure in it, for the relationships within the family. And I not only protect my home and will not allow anyone to invade it and destroy it, but I realize that, first of all, my duty to God is to preserve this house.

If these words are understood in a worldly sense, as the construction of a tower of ivory (or of any other material from which fortresses are built), the construction of some isolated little world where we and only we feel good, where we seem to be (though, of course, illusory) protected from the outside world and where we still think about whether to allow everyone to enter, then this kind of desire for self-isolation, for leaving, fencing off from the surrounding reality, from the world in the broad, and not in the sinful sense of the word, a Christian, of course, should avoid.

6. Is it possible to share your doubts related to some theological issues or directly to the life of the Church with a person close to you who is more church-going than you, but who can also be tempted by them?

With someone who is truly a church member, it is possible. There is no need to convey these doubts and bewilderments to those who are still on the first steps of the ladder, that is, who are less close to the Church than you yourself. And those who are stronger in faith than you must bear greater responsibility. And there is nothing improper about this.

7. But is it necessary to burden your loved ones with your own doubts and troubles if you go to confession and receive guidance from your confessor?

Of course, a Christian who has minimal spiritual experience understands that unaccountably speaking out to the end, without understanding what it can bring to his interlocutor, even if this is the closest person, does not benefit any of them. Frankness and openness must take place in our relationships. But bringing down on our neighbor everything that has accumulated in us, which we ourselves cannot cope with, is a manifestation of unlove. Moreover, we have a Church where you can come, there is confession, the Cross and the Gospel, there are priests who have been given gracious help from God for this, and our problems need to be solved here.

As for our listening to others, yes. Although, as a rule, when close or less close people talk about frankness, they mean that someone close to them is ready to hear them, rather than that they themselves are ready to listen to someone. And then - yes. The deed, the duty of love, and sometimes the feat of love will be to listen, hear and accept the sorrows, disorder, disorder, and tossing of our neighbors (in the Gospel sense of the word). What we take upon ourselves is the fulfillment of the commandment, what we impose on others is a refusal to bear our cross.

8. Should you share with your closest ones that spiritual joy, those revelations that by the grace of God were given to you to experience, or should the experience of communion with God be only your personal and inseparable, otherwise its fullness and integrity are lost?

It's better to double check before sharing. There must be a lot of coincidences, internal correspondences, a situation must arise that implies openness between two people; there must be not only your willingness to tell and convey, but also the opportunity on the part of the other person to hear right now what you want to tell him. Finally, there must be that obvious desire, first of all, for this specific loved one, with this specific narrative, a story about his spiritual experience, to bring some benefit, good. And only if all these conditions coincide, this is possible. But this doesn’t happen often, maybe only a few times in your entire life you manage to convey something like this, from heart to heart, that is already undeniable for you, that for you has become a reality higher than the visible reality. However, this is not something that can be said at breakfast or returning from service: you know, dear, today I stood at the liturgy, and when the Royal Doors opened, it seemed to me that around the head of the priest, like a halo, shone and fire descended into the Chalice at Communion. That's not how it's told. After all, there shouldn’t be a word of falsehood here, but we so want to color these stories of ours, especially, of course, for those who somehow master the word, and not just untruth, but add a little bit of literature. And that’s it, a gram of literature destroys everything.

9. Should a husband and wife have the same spiritual father?

This is good, but not essential. Let's say, if he and she are from the same parish and one of them joined the church later, but began to go to the same spiritual father, from whom the other had been cared for for some time, then this kind of knowledge of the family problems of two spouses can help the priest give sober advice and warn them against any wrong steps. However, there is no reason to consider this an indispensable requirement and, say, for a young husband to encourage his wife to leave her confessor so that she can now go to that parish and to the priest to whom he confesses. This is literally spiritual violence, which should not take place in family relationships. Here one can only wish that in certain cases of discrepancies, differences of opinion, or intra-family discord, one can resort, but only by mutual agreement, to the advice of the same priest - once the confessor of the wife, once the confessor of the husband. How to rely on the will of one priest, so as not to receive different advice on some specific life problem, perhaps due to the fact that both husband and wife each presented it to their confessor in an extremely subjective vision. And so they return home with this advice received and what should they do next? Now who can I find out which recommendation is more correct? Therefore, I think that it is reasonable for a husband and wife in some serious cases to ask one priest to consider a particular family situation.

10. What should parents do if disagreements arise with their child’s spiritual father, who, say, does not allow him to practice ballet?

If we are talking about the relationship between a spiritual child and a confessor, that is, if the child himself, or even at the prompting of loved ones, brought the decision of this or that issue to the blessing of the spiritual father, then, regardless of what the original motives of the parents and grandparents were, This blessing, of course, must be guided by. It’s another matter if the conversation about making a decision came up in a conversation of a general nature: let’s say the priest expressed his negative attitude either towards ballet as an art form in general or, in particular, towards the fact that this particular child should study ballet, in which case there is still some an area for reasoning, first of all, of the parents themselves and for clarifying with the priest the motivating reasons that they have. After all, parents don’t necessarily have to imagine their child making a brilliant career somewhere in Covent Garden - they may have good reasons for sending their child to ballet, for example, to combat scoliosis that starts from sitting too much. And it seems that if we are talking about this kind of motivation, then parents and grandparents will find understanding with the priest.

But doing or not doing this kind of thing is most often a neutral thing, and if there is no desire, you don’t have to consult with the priest, and even if the desire to act with the blessing came from the parents themselves, whom no one pulled their tongues and who simply assumed that the formed their decision will be covered by some kind of sanction from above and thereby it will be given unprecedented acceleration, then in this case one cannot neglect the fact that the spiritual father of the child, for some reason, did not bless him for this particular activity.

11. Should we discuss big family problems with young children?

No. There is no need to place on children the burden of something that is not easy for us to cope with, or burden them with our own problems. It’s another matter to confront them with certain realities of their common life, for example, that “this year we won’t go to the south because dad can’t take a vacation in the summer or because money is needed for grandma’s stay in the hospital.” This kind of knowledge of what is really going on in the family is necessary for children. Or: “We can’t buy you a new briefcase yet, since the old one is still good, and the family doesn’t have much money.” These kinds of things need to be told to the child, but in such a way as not to connect him to the complexity of all these problems and how we will solve them.

12. Today, when pilgrimage trips have become an everyday reality of church life, a special type of spiritually exalted Orthodox Christians has appeared, and especially women, who travel from monastery to elder, everyone knows about myrrh-streaming icons and the healings of the possessed. Being on a trip with them is embarrassing even for adult believers. Especially for children, whom this can only scare away. In this regard, should we take them with us on pilgrimages and are they generally able to withstand such spiritual stress?

Trips vary from trip to trip, and you need to correlate them both with the age of the children and with the duration and complexity of the upcoming pilgrimage. It is reasonable to start with short, one- or two-day trips around the city where you live, to nearby shrines, with a visit to one or another monastery, a short prayer service before the relics, with a bath in the spring, which children are very fond of by nature. And then, as they grow older, take them on longer trips. But only when they are already prepared for this. If we go to this or that monastery and find ourselves in a fairly filled church at an all-night vigil that will last five hours, then the child must be ready for this. As well as the fact that in a monastery, for example, he may be treated more strictly than in a parish church, and walking from place to place will not be encouraged, and, most often, he will have nowhere else to go except the church itself where the service is held. Therefore, you need to realistically calculate your strength. In addition, it is better, of course, if a pilgrimage with children is made together with people you know, and not with people completely unknown to you on a voucher purchased from one or another tourist and pilgrimage company. For very different people can come together, among whom there may be not only the spiritually exalted, reaching the point of fanaticism, but also simply people with different views, with varying degrees of tolerance in assimilating other people’s views and unobtrusiveness in expressing their own, which sometimes can be for children , not yet sufficiently churched and strengthened in the faith, by a strong temptation. Therefore, I would advise great caution when taking them on trips with strangers. As for pilgrimage trips (for whom this is possible) abroad, then a lot of things can overlap here too. Including such a banal thing that the secular-worldly life of Greece or Italy or even the Holy Land itself can turn out to be so interesting and attractive that the main goal of the pilgrimage will disappear from the child. In this case, there will be one harm from visiting holy places, say, if you remember Italian ice cream or swimming in the Adriatic Sea more than praying in Bari at the relics of St. Nicholas the Wonderworker. Therefore, when planning such pilgrimage trips, you need to arrange them wisely, taking into account all these factors, as well as many others, right down to the time of year. But, of course, children can and should be taken with you on pilgrimages, just without in any way relieving yourself of responsibility for what will happen there. And most importantly, without assuming that the very fact of the trip will already give us such grace that there will be no problems. In fact, the larger the shrine, the greater the possibility of certain temptations when we reach it.

13. The Revelation of John says that not only “unfaithful, and abominable, and murderers, and fornicators, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, will have their part in the lake that burns with fire and brimstone,” but also “the fearful” (Rev. 21, 8). How to deal with your fears for your children, husband (wife), for example, if they are absent for a long time and for inexplicable reasons or are traveling somewhere and have not heard from them for an unreasonably long time? And what to do if these fears grow?

These fears have a common basis, a common source, and, accordingly, the fight against them must have some common root. The basis of insurance is lack of faith. A fearful person is one who trusts God little and who, by and large, does not really rely on prayer - neither his own nor others whom he asks to pray, since without it he would be completely afraid. Therefore, you cannot suddenly stop being fearful; here you need to seriously and responsibly take on the task of eradicating the spirit of lack of faith from yourself step by step and defeating it by warming up, trusting in God and a conscious attitude towards prayer, such that if we say: “Save and preserve ”, - we must believe that the Lord will fulfill what we ask. If we say to the Most Holy Theotokos: “There are no other imams of help, no other imams of hope, except for You,” then we really have this help and hope, and we are not just saying beautiful words. Everything here is determined precisely by our attitude towards prayer. We can say that this is a particular manifestation of the general law of spiritual life: the way you live, the way you pray, the way you pray, the way you live. Now, if you pray, combining with the words of prayer a real appeal to God and trust in Him, then you will have the experience that praying for another person is not an empty thing. And then, when fear attacks you, you stand up for prayer - and the fear will recede. And if you are simply trying to hide behind prayer as some kind of external shield from your hysterical insurance, then it will come back to you over and over again. So here it is necessary not so much to fight fears head-on, but to take care of deepening your prayer life.

14. Family sacrifice for the Church. What should it be?

It seems that if a person, especially in difficult life circumstances, has trust in God not in the sense of an analogy with commodity-money relations: I will give - he will give it to me, but in reverent hope, with the faith that this is acceptable, he will tear something from the family budget and give it away The Church of God, if he gives to other people for Christ’s sake, he will receive a hundredfold for it. And the best thing we can do when we don’t know how else to help our loved ones is to sacrifice something, even if it’s material, if we don’t have the opportunity to bring something else to God.

15. In the book of Deuteronomy, the Jews were prescribed what foods they could and could not eat. Should an Orthodox person adhere to these rules? Is there no contradiction here, since the Savior said: “...It is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but what comes out of the mouth defiles a person” (Matthew 15:11)?

The issue of food was resolved by the Church at the very beginning of its historical path - at the Apostolic Council, which can be read about in the Acts of the Holy Apostles. The apostles, guided by the Holy Spirit, decided that it was enough for converts from the pagans, which we all actually are, to abstain from food, which is brought for us with torture for the animal, and in personal behavior to abstain from fornication. And that's enough. The book “Deuteronomy” had its undoubted divinely revealed significance in a specific historical period, when the multiplicity of prescriptions and regulations relating to both food and other aspects of the everyday behavior of the Old Testament Jews was supposed to protect them from assimilation, merging, mixing with the surrounding ocean of almost universal paganism .

Only such a palisade, a fence of specific behavior, could then help not only a strong spirit, but also a weak person to resist the desire for what is more powerful in terms of statehood, more fun in life, simpler in terms of human relationships. Let us thank God that we now live not under law, but under grace.

16. Should a wife read a prayer out loud before meals if her unbelieving husband perceives this with disdain, almost as religious fanaticism: they say, we don’t live in a monastery?

Based on other experiences in family life, a wise wife will conclude that a drop wears away a stone. And the husband, at first irritated by the reading of the prayer, even expressing his indignation, making fun of him, mocking him, if his wife shows peaceful persistence, after some time he will stop letting go of the pins, and after a while he will get used to the fact that there is no escape from this, There are worse situations. And as the years pass, you’ll see, and you’ll begin to listen to what kind of words of prayer are said before meals. Peaceful persistence is the best thing you can do in such a situation.

17. Isn’t it hypocrisy that an Orthodox woman, as expected, only wears a skirt to church, and wears trousers at home and at work?

Not wearing trousers in our Russian Orthodox Church is a manifestation of respect by parishioners for church traditions and customs. In particular, to such an understanding of the words of Holy Scripture that prohibit a man or woman from wearing clothes of the opposite sex. And since by men's clothing we primarily mean trousers, women naturally refrain from wearing them in church. Of course, such exegesis cannot be literally applied to the corresponding verses of Deuteronomy, but let us also remember the words of the Apostle Paul: “...If food makes my brother stumble, I will never eat meat, lest I cause my brother to stumble” (1 Cor. 8 , 13). By analogy, any Orthodox woman can say that if by wearing trousers in church she disturbs the peace of at least a few people standing next to her at the service, for whom this is an unacceptable form of clothing, then out of love for these people, the next time she goes to the liturgy, she will not will put on trousers. And it won't be hypocrisy. After all, the point is not that a woman should never wear trousers either at home or in the country, but that, while respecting church customs that exist to this day, including in the minds of many believers of the older generation, not to disturb their peace of mind prayer.

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Family – small Church

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After Jesus Christ created the Church for people in New Testament times, designed to help them be saved, the family became an even more important element in people’s lives.

The Apostle Paul writes in his letter that “just as Christ is the head of the Church, so the husband is the head of the wife.” Such words make a true believer tremble from the greatness and burden of responsibility that is placed on the family, on the husband. To be like Christ in your home means to be constantly ready to save your family, even at the cost of your own life, as Jesus did.

But the Apostle Paul develops his thought by saying that just as Christ loved his Church, so husbands should love their wives. What a great mission is entrusted to husbands! After all, for the sake of the Church, Jesus renounced all the temptations that the devil presented to him - from power over the whole world, from wealth, from ostentatious bravado and glory. Likewise, husbands, for their family, its preservation and salvation, it turns out, must sacrifice some temptations and temptations.

What about the wife? She is like the Church of Christ in her family, which means she is the path to salvation for herself, her husband and children. She is a refuge from sins, she is purity and beauty itself. Of course, in a spiritual sense. The external has the least importance here.

Family or church?

There is a wonderful period in a person’s life when he has already received an education and is working, he does not yet have his own family, and his parents are still young enough and do not require care or supervision. This period of life can be compared to the flight of a bird: the world seems beautiful, all roads are open, you do what you want - complete freedom.

If a girl or young man in such a state comes to faith, then they are able to give a lot to their parish: usually it is on young parishioners who are not family-oriented and full of energy that all social and public work at the church is based. Sweep the floors? - Of course, bless. Take a tour? - Yes please. Organize a Sunday school? - We'll do it now. Decorate the Christmas trees for Christmas, make a nativity scene, re-dress lecterns, go to a reading competition, go pick up candles in Sofrino... No one is waiting for them at home, they don’t have to rush anywhere, no one depends on them. They don't have to rush to a parent-teacher conference or an appointment with the pediatrician. They are free.

Very often a person gets so drawn into this life, he likes it so much that he stops perceiving all other paths and possibilities. It begins to seem that only this path is correct, saving and sent by God, but in life there remains only one path, trodden down to the ruts, connecting home and church. And this period is extremely fruitful for helping the parish. Sometimes, observing young people so active in church and parish life, you remember the gospel words about the birds of the air, which do not reap or sow, but feed on the alms of the Heavenly Father (Matthew 6:26). If we consider this phenomenon in a certain plane, then this is not bad, and even very good. This is certainly better than hanging out at parties, trying weed and another partner. This is even better than sitting all your free time within four walls, sipping French wine and staring unseeingly out the rainy window. Of all the possible, this is the best option for a young man or girl, but until the moment they get married.

It often happens that before marriage a girl could not imagine life without a temple. But as soon as the newlyweds celebrated their wedding, the rector’s support and assistant evaporates, and there is no one else to entrust with a lot of tasks that were previously easily resolved. This may cause displeasure both to the rector and to friends in the parish - they say, while they were praying for her that the Lord would send a groom, she did not leave the church, she was all here, and just when she got married, she forgot the way to the church and there is nothing else for her here need to. Sometimes they will almost write you down as a traitor.

However, I would not rush to condemn the newly made wife, since this course of events has its own logic and its own truth. It has already been said more than once that, contrary to expectations, the family life of churchgoers is often not entirely successful. And one of the reasons for this, oddly enough, is... the church. More precisely, the habit of devoting all free time to the temple. And after marriage, sometimes you have to make a difficult choice - family or church?

The problem of choosing a priority in this matter often confuses us: on the one hand, there is the Gospel call to leave everything that is ours and follow Christ, and on the other hand, we are surrounded by loved ones who want to communicate with us and spend time with us. Man is a social being, he needs to communicate with other people, with parents, children, friends. And first of all with spouses. A family cannot be prosperous in which there is no spiritual and emotional exchange, because for mental comfort we need to share impressions, emotions, feelings, thoughts. And not just share, but also receive a response.

The most difficult are considered to be marriages with people in professions that involve a long absence of one of the spouses from home: sailors, oil workers, geologists, archaeologists, etc. The spouse is called a spouse because he is harnessed to the same harness with another person and, it is assumed that they together pull the load of their life together. That is, family communication, including emotional communication, should come first. If one of the spouses leaves his harness, then the entire weight of the load falls on the shoulders of the second, and this is very difficult, the puller may break.

Helping in the temple is, of course, a good thing, but the temple can take a lot of time.
After marriage, new conditions arise, new obligations arise, and a person is obliged to devote most
of his time to his family. It's no good running off to Bible study without preparing lunch. It’s bad if a wife leaves her apartment untidy and goes to help clean the church. And it’s really bad when the husband returns home from work, and on the table there is a note in the style of “cutlets in the refrigerator.” Where is the wife? And the wife cleans the lamps! It's the same with men. He fled to the rehearsal, and his wife was bored at home alone. I so wanted to chat, talk, watch a new film together... But my husband was not there.

Family is the most valuable of all earthly blessings. Here we find support and protection, inspiration and strength. We cannot sacrifice our family even for the sake of the temple, and before going to a public church, we must arrange all matters in our personal small church. Married people need to discuss with each other their participation in the life of the parish so that the second spouse does not feel deprived of attention and care, otherwise friction will begin. It is necessary to adapt to conducting life in such a way that household members do not suffer: lunch must be prepared, the garbage must be taken out, groceries must be purchased. Sometimes you may have to miss some kind of service, especially if someone at home needs help or is sick.

Thus, those who, after creating their own family, limit their participation in parish affairs are not acting treacherously, but wisely. Everything has its time. She was independent - she served the temple. If you got married, a different time has come, now it’s your duty to serve your husband, family, and through this, God. And this is not a reason for condemnation. Other people, other helpers will come to the temple, but in your family, except for yourself, there is no one to take care of the improvement.

Wedding is the path to unanimity and love

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An Orthodox family is created so that the Grace of God descends on the spouses and they, united, together make efforts to preserve their small Church. And this is only possible if the first and main commandments of Jesus Christ are fulfilled - these are the laws of love for God and people.

In a family it is easier to fulfill these commandments, because how can you not love someone who is always there, will always support and help. Spouses can discuss all problems and find advice in the vast history of Orthodoxy, in the teachings of the Saints and the sermons of famous priests. But that is why so many families in the world are falling apart because God’s commandments are not being fulfilled, and no one is following advice. Selfishness and lack of will to overcome devilish temptations are the cause of all family problems.

Achilles

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Epigraph

“People are making a terrible leap from the embrace of Satan, people are reaching out to God. And God opens His fatherly embrace to them. How good it would be if they, like children, could embrace everything that the Lord and the Church give to His children, and begin to learn in the Church to think anew, feel anew, live anew.

But no! The great suitor - the devil - at the very threshold of the Church steals from most of them the humble consciousness of who he is and why he came here. And a person does not enter, but “barges” into the Church with everything that is and was in him from the life he has lived, and in such a state he immediately begins to judge and order what is correct in the Church and what is time to change. He “already knows what grace is and what it looks like,” even before he begins to be an Orthodox Christian, he becomes a judge and teacher. So again the Lord is driven out of his heart by him.

And where? Right in the Church. But a person will no longer feel this, because he is in the Church, because he has already leafed through all the books, and it’s time for him to take holy orders, and it’s time for her to dress in monastic robes.

But, my dears, they will also accept holy orders, they will accept monasticism, but all this is already without God, led by the same power that led them in life before coming to the Church and that has so cleverly deceived them now. And then wait for other exceptional phenomena, possible only on the basis of distorted faith. Without labor, without struggle and without suffering on the cross, what is accepted is without life, Christianity only in name, and therefore without God, and will reveal various deceptions in visions and revelations.”

Archimandrite John (Peasant)

Part 1

…Already approaching this house, it was clear to me that 100% church people live here. Through the open window, the holy corner with a burning lamp and many icons was clearly visible. My mother and I had already discussed the details about the lessons, and I was going to get down to business.

So, upon closer examination, it was a typical Georgian family, where everyone was in their place. Dad - Demeter, mom - Liziko, children in descending order: Gela, Luka, Saba, Vaso, Ketevan. From time to time, grandfathers and grandmothers from both sides appeared on the stage, that is, in the room where we were practicing. There was a complete set of them. That is, there was no smell of divorce anywhere and there was no plan.

We communicated exclusively in the best Georgian traditions. Namely like this:

- Hello! How are you?

- And you?

- God willing.

- And so do we.

The children were one better than the other, all polite, well-mannered and friendly.

As soon as I started the lesson, Liziko immediately appeared with coffee, buns or pies of her own making.

In a word, everything was very good and splendid.

My parents, having learned about my wide range of services (here you have English and Russian in between, and mathematics, and physics with chemistry for dessert), immediately gave me three days a week.

“It’s better for them to sit with you than to hang out in the yard.” And then at least something will pop into your head.

But practice has shown that their financial capabilities do not coincide with their good desires. (However, such incompetence with elementary arithmetic happened not only to them.) It was somehow out of their hands for them to speak directly about their financial insolvency, and therefore they did not skimp on the reasons for the omissions.

- Don’t come today, we’re going to visit.

“We’re busy this week; the whole family is going to receive communion.” We need to prepare.

These excuses were still quite tolerable in advance. But sometimes the call caught me on the way:

“Some unexpected guests came to us, there’s no way we can do it today.” There is only one table.

I reduced their hours and switched to calling before going out. But even here there were some surprises.

I'm calling. After the curtsies described above, I ask:

- Are there really going to be two lessons for the elders today or not?

- Yes exactly. We're home, come over.

I stand in my arms and run to bring the light of knowledge to a single unit of society.

I spent one hour asking when the other brother would sit down. They answer me:

“Mamao (priest, priest) just called, and dad took everyone to the evening service.

- What was the need for mamao in the presence of a seven-year-old child? Wouldn't you be able to hold the service? Couldn't you have stayed at home?

It is clear that this was a question going nowhere.

Dad lived an active church life, fortunately, he did not work, and he had a lot of free time, which he spent exclusively on soul-saving activities. Whenever there was a procession or a patronal feast, he would stuff the whole family into the car and drive to the address, picking up the children from school.

The eldest son, the hope of the family, often apologized for not completing my task again:

- Mas, we were in church all day yesterday, then I fell asleep and didn’t have time to write.

I expressed my dissatisfaction with my mother several times. She apologized and promised to take action, but after the lesson everything repeated itself according to the old scenario. As a result, I caught my dad when he was at home, resting from his righteous labors in the field of salvation, and said that his son was slacking.

Dad leaned heavily over the table, looked meaningfully into his son’s eyes and said gravely:

- Remember!

Gela, a tall seventh grader, began to sob loudly. Dad had already left, casting a promising glance at the disobedient man.

I didn’t expect such an effect and asked what was the matter. It turned out that dad has a special whip for such cases, which is used very often. Naturally, I rushed to my dad’s kitchen and assured him that I was taking back his words and that in general everything was “ok” with us and his son, the future Einstein and Lobachevsky, together.

Dad had not heard of Lobachevsky, although according to legend he was a technician like me, but he promised “for my respect” not to beat up the troublemaker.

Then I caught Liziko separately and asked if everything was really so serious and sad. And I heard:

- Oh, just think, it’s a big deal, I’ll give him a couple of times. Everything is for the good. Why do you think our children are so quiet? Not like others...

Part 2

I continued to communicate with Liziko and her children. Dad was rarely seen, since he was taking some endless mothers around on some errand, helping in the monastery, participating in someone’s funeral, in a word, he was abundantly doing good deeds. He appeared in the evening to check on the family. Money issues were solved by Liziko, or more precisely, by her lonely uncle from abroad, who sent everything he earned home.

When Dad came home, taking a break from wandering around the city, he posted on Facebook sayings of the saints, statements of the patriarch, photos of monasteries and denunciations of the Freemasons and Soros. In short, he worked on all fronts. I've seen a lot of pages like this. And now, remembering some of the nuances of this family, sometimes I think what is hidden behind such a facade.

I asked how the couple met, who live in such enviable unanimity in our turbulent times.

“Demeter got the wrong number, and that’s how we met, I was already graduating from college, and so was he.” We met a couple of times. He really liked me and stole me. I got pregnant right away. My family wanted to take me back, but I had a choice: have an abortion or keep the child.

- But why exactly this choice? You could leave with your child if something didn’t suit you.

“He wouldn’t have let me live, he wouldn’t have left his child.” Demeter is a good father. For him, family is the meaning of life. I had already packed my suitcase and ran to my people, but then I had to return, since he came for me, and I didn’t want a scandal. We got married, and I have to endure.

I didn’t bother to find out what exactly to endure, and buried myself in analyzing my homework.

Once I passed Demeter’s car on the road when I was going to class. He politely stopped his Opel and asked:

— How is my Gela doing? Aren't you lazy? Tell me if anything happens. How about Saba? Does he read well? When will he be able to read his morning prayers himself?

I assured everyone that everything was amazing. (Since the very threat to “tell dad” was successful.)

“And the guys and I,” he nodded at the three men in the back seat, “we’re going on business.”

The passengers looked determined.

Demeter waved his hand, and they drove on, showering me with clouds of smoke.

Liziko met me with tear-stained eyes. I reported about the meeting on the road.

She waved it off as if she were an annoying source of noise:

“They were the ones who went to disperse the gays with sticks.” Today is May 17 (May 17, 2013, the demonstration of sexual minorities on Rustaveli Avenue was dispersed). But it frayed my nerves so much, I’m glad I left home. Out of nowhere he freaks out. He checks everything: his phone, text messages on his mobile phone, and even more so the Internet. They won’t believe whoever I tell. I, an adult woman, have no right to open an email or have my own Facebook. I explain to him who would fall for a woman with five children. Does not understand. Rolls his eyes. He turns pale and shakes. Look, I broke the window again due to my nerves. It is unknown when it will be fixed. It’s they, they (she named the Svan surname) who are all like that. My father-in-law also runs around and spies on my mother-in-law. They have been retired for a long time, but passions are running high. And mine still wants me to give birth to a sixth one. I don’t know what to do with these...

- And you mamao complain. Let him clear his mind,” I suggested.

- Yes, I’ve already complained several times. She calls him to her, says, speaks. Enough for a week. Then back to the old ways. Nature is like that, what can you do.

Then she let me go to the table with textbooks.

- Go, study, sorry for pouring everything on you. He doesn't even let me see my friends. I have no right to leave the house. Only with him.

I sympathized and sat down with the books.

Part 3

I have long passed the neophyte period and am very cautious about various supernatural phenomena. But still, the couple managed to lure me into one soft pink mess, code-named “For the Glory of God.”

From the very first days of our acquaintance, it became clear that the family had a familiar mother, the abbess of a regional monastery. This mother, despite her youth, was, strictly according to the spouses’ story, endowed with spiritual gifts. (Moreover, questioning the words of the mothers or priests was not an option at all. The spouses perceived this as an attack on the Church of Christ.)

“As soon as she prays, all our affairs are moving forward,” the mother of many children told with delight, choking. “People come to her with various illnesses, and people are healed. It even treats schizophrenia, and even more so infertility. You just need to wear the talisman made by her and that’s it.

This approach to the matter confused me a little. The priests I knew did not use any talismans and left the results of their prayers to the will of God. Nobody gave any guarantees in advance.

“You have a problem with your son,” Liziko immediately suggested, “let’s order a talisman for mother, and your boy will talk.” All you need is 10 lari. A cheap thing, and even more so for the glory of God. Mother builds monastery cells with this money. If you don’t have it, I’ll put it in for you myself.

I silently immediately posted the ten I was looking for.

“As soon as I start, I’ll post it ten times ten,” I say. - He’s three and a half, “mom” can’t say.

The hostess immediately dialed my mother’s mobile phone and briefly outlined my trouble. Then she assured that in a week the “augaroz” would be ready and mother promised that everything would be fine.

A week later I received my order - a tiny bag with a copper cross. It was ordered that the child wear it without taking it off.

- What's inside? — I was curious.

- There is a special prayer there. But it cannot be revealed. And you need to wear the same augarose for the grace to work.

I silently posted another ten. Who will figure them out, monks, what's what? Moreover, “for the glory of God.”

Carrying these fabric bags was a real hassle. The copper cross bent in all directions, caught clothes and scratched the skin. In addition, he became entangled in the baptismal cross and twisted into sea knots with it.

Here I also told my friend, who could not give birth, about Mother the Wonderworker. As a result, they also ordered her a mysterious augarose, flavored with the promise that she would definitely give birth soon.

As time went. My son was able to say the long-awaited “mom” after a year and a half. I was happy and didn’t delve into the mechanics of grace. It’s just that the time has come for him to speak or whether mother’s prayers played a decisive role here - I can’t say for sure. My friend never gave birth.

Once the hostess handed me a homemade icon of St. Nicholas the Wonderworker. A piece of calendar paper with a picture of a saint was glued onto a square of chipboard. Tiny clay jugs were attached to the top with ribbons.

- This is mother giving you her blessing.

I thanked him and kissed the icon.

This was followed by an explanation of the significance of the gift:

- This is a miraculous icon. If you write a wish on a piece of paper, roll it into tubes and put it in jugs, then everything will come true.

- Is that all right? — I chuckled skeptically.

- And you believe! We wrote it, rolled it up and stuck it away. It has already come true!

I couldn’t find an answer to such a statement. Faith is a delicate matter, and arguing and providing a scientific and technical basis is the last thing.

“Only mother has a request for you,” Liziko hesitated a little.

“I’ll help you in any way I can,” I say.

— Take a photo of it and write it on your Facebook so that Russian pilgrims can buy it. Price 10 GEL. For the glory of God.

— Putting it on Facebook is not a problem. “I don’t refuse advertising to anyone,” I say. - But who will give 10 lari for a piece of chipboard and a piece of paper from a calendar? Sofrinsky icons are of much better quality, and they look marketable. It would be better if mother took care of the bees. Still, honey, in my opinion, will sell out better. And this is more like...

I was already looked at as an enemy of the people, and I refrained from comparisons.

- Oh, how is that possible?! Since mother blessed it, you place it and pray that it sells,” Eliso became worried. - This is for the monastery.

- Yes, I know, “for the glory of God.” I'll definitely put it in.

No sooner said than done. I took a photo and posted the request on FB, indicating the price and mother’s mobile phone.

Nothing real came of it. But there were several mocking comments from Russian believers.

So this story remained an unresolved question for me: what was that mother counting on when she decided to improve the financial affairs of the monastery in this way.

I'll probably never know. It's for the better. For “knowledge increases sorrow.” For myself, I was once again convinced that reasoning is the highest virtue.

Part 4

I continued to go to lessons when I managed to catch one of the children to study. Along the way, I talked with my parents. Both of them were much younger than me, and some of their conclusions related to faith seemed too naive to me, but any ironic questions were met with misunderstanding and reluctance to analyze something themselves.

And I had no desire to get into arguments. The outcome was clear in advance.

Moreover, the spouses unanimously blamed everything negative or incomprehensible on the dark forces and actions of the Freemasons, who simply slept and saw the destruction of Georgia.

Demeter was engrossed in the “fight.” I monitored the slightest information on Facebook and television about anti-church sentiments in society and rushed to defend Christian values. It would be good if it was pre-planned.

“...Don’t come tomorrow,” Liziko announced one day. - We won't be there. We're going to a rally.

- What is it?

- Like what?! - She was indignant at my lack of information. — The Pope must come.

- So what?

— We are going to the airport with posters. With our mom. We will shout to get out of here.

- Well, the patriarch himself invited him.

“It’s the Masons who want to destroy Orthodoxy in Georgia!”

(Liziko was much more well-read than her husband, but apparently he had long ago crushed her with his iron logic and boundaries. There is such a good Georgian proverb: if you tie two bulls together, one will either take on the color or character of the other. It seems that this was exactly the case .)

“But the Pope already came here twenty years ago and nothing terrible happened.” And this one will stay for two days and then fly on. Is it worth going somewhere and burning gasoline? - I ask.

“You don’t understand how dangerous this is!”

- Really, I don’t understand. What about your mamao, is it a sect? Since he is going against the will of the patriarch.

Liziko is confused in her illogicality.

- We are not a sect. We are Orthodox people. Our mamao explained so well during the sermon why this Antichrist should not be allowed here.

- But according to prophecies, the Antichrist should be a little different.

Liziko fell silent, then summed up.

- In short, we won’t be there. Don't go in vain.

- I understood.

The next day, the news showed in all colors how the Pope was visiting Ilia II and enjoying the singing of Schema-Archimandrite Seraphim Bit-Harbi. Then the camera cut to the crowd with banners near the airport. A small group of people stood by the highway and chanted something discordantly, like “The enemy will not pass!” In the foreground I saw the entire family of Demeter and Liziko with five children. Their faces glowed with determination to stand to the end. A day later, as planned in advance, the head of the Catholics left for our neighbors. Orthodoxy in Georgia endured and survived.

Part 5

Demetre and Liziko were people of exceptional kindness and responsiveness. The father of the family very often brought home “brothers in Christ” to sit and discuss the fate of the world over a glass of wine. (My lessons were often lost because of this, but that’s not what we’re talking about.) He was the first to rush to the aid of one of the neighbors, which I also observed more than once while sitting at lessons with his sons. Before the poor man has time to get home, they call him and ask him to go out with the car. Again we need to take someone somewhere. Liziko, in turn, told me how she constantly collects things for the monastery, and shoved children’s things at me after her sons.

-...Take them, they are like new, and the quality is good. I won’t give you anything bad,” and held out a heavy package.

“The other day we raised money for our mother, with God’s help, to buy a jeep. The whole parish was scraped together. How is he without a jeep? No way.

“Yesterday I gave my shoes to the mothers, otherwise they, the poor ones, have nothing to wear at all.” Mother Superior is torn. All in work. And they have a big construction project, they really need money. My husband goes there and helps, but things are not going that fast. And then the dark forces do dirty tricks. You know how it happens.

I listened to this list and did not at all doubt the sincerity of the narrator. The couple were typical people of God. I’ve met a lot of people like this and I wasn’t surprised at some of the inconsistencies.

...By June my daughter-in-law was going to arrive from Kyiv, and I needed a car to meet her at 11 pm. I decided to do a good deed and turned to Liziko.

“Can Demeter take me to the station and wait there a little?” I'll give you ten. It will just work.

Liziko's face changed:

- What are you, what are you! He will make you so lucky. He won't take anything.

- I do not want it so".

“He doesn’t take money from anyone.” Why should I charge you?

- So I have money. By the way, why doesn’t he act like a taxi driver? You say that you have debts.

- He, he... is shy. He can't get over himself.

- ??? That's how many people behave. What's wrong with this?

“Well, that’s how he is... retarded...” Liziko cautiously looked back at the front door. - He also has golden hands. He can do everything, including repairs and plumbing.

- Well? This is always necessary.

- He... won’t step over himself. Through principles... It hasn’t worked for many years. If it weren’t for my uncle, I don’t know how we would live... And so he’s all sick, on medication. If something happens to him, I’m just scared to think what will happen to my children. I can't find anything myself. I spend the whole day cooking, cleaning, and I can’t even see it. So many people gathered in one place.

- Of course. Maybe you should take some lessons?

- What, this is an idea! — Liziko perked up. - It’s a pity, like you, I don’t know mathematics. But languages ​​- please. Send me the extra ones.

“No problem,” I say.

Liziko immediately caught herself:

- But here’s the problem, Demeter is very jealous. He won’t let me run around among the students like you. Who will come to my house? Everyone wants people to visit them.

I reassured her that with God’s help there would be such clients. At least a couple of extreme sports enthusiasts. And she gave me an idea:

“You can also ask Mother Superior to pray.” They themselves said that she was a great prayer book.

In short, Liziko decided to act. But first I had to beg the head of the family.

Part 6

So, the spouses showed a rare unanimity in all matters, be it issues of raising children, worldview, Christian values, who is in charge in the house and who is in the wings. Naturally, they were very clear about dogmatic issues.

The spouses held all posts. This was evident from the menu that I was often offered to try. The younger children were still kept at ease, and the older ones were reprimanded by their father to fast accordingly. Without any khinkali and khachapuri. Gela slowed down and complained to me that he was constantly hungry and counting the days until Easter. But the whip hung in a visible place in the kitchen, and it was fraught with delving into gastronomic preferences. (I did not see the instrument of pedagogical influence itself, but the results were impressive.)

I sympathized with the teenager with a healthy appetite, but I didn’t criticize him. The family took communion every week religiously, and any shirking ended in scandal.

Liziko quietly complained to me and poured out her soul:

“So sometimes I want to not have to get up at 7 a.m. on just one Sunday, to sleep off, because everything is on me, but such a cry will raise, it will remember my mother.”

Again, I felt compassion and sighed.

But in theory, complete consensus reigned between the spouses. Liziko eagerly told me what had been clichéd:

- Only one of our faiths is true, all others will immediately go to hell.

(I have always been surprised how people who profess the God of love so easily and simply send everyone else to eternal torment, without thinking. It was stupid to contradict in advance, because “whoever is not with us is against us.”)

— Ecumenism is very dangerous, since it is a threat to our church.

“Catholics sleep and see us seizing us and changing our sacraments, of which there are seven.

As soon as I asked her some tricky question, Liziko would get lost and confused in her testimony. This, apparently, was drilled into her by Demeter, but a step to the left and a step to the right were not provided for.

If I raised sensitive internal church topics about jeeps and other self-explanatory facts, then Liziko instantly took the ostrich pose.

“I don’t see, I don’t know, I don’t judge, I’m a sinner myself, a great sinner.” Why should I think about this?

All this was painfully familiar to me. She gave out the same thing relatively recently.

Meanwhile, Liziko reported about me to her mother abbess and about my son. Then she passed on the resolution:

- You need to make peace with your husband. Mother asked the reason for the divorce.

I listed the patter version of my blue-winged dove:

- He says: “I didn’t drink, I didn’t hit, I didn’t cheat!” And it’s true - that’s how it was.

Liziko was shocked:

“Then you are very sinful for not reconciling.” That’s probably why the child is sick. You can’t even imagine what I’m putting up with.

I cunningly cited a fact from her own circle:

- Your neighbors over there are autistic. And they live in marriage. Inconsistency.

Liziko also repulsed this sly excuse:

“And it is God’s will that he is like this.” So what if the parents are together. Is it with our sinful eyes to see the truth?

“Golden words,” I say. I didn’t want to argue further...

Part 7

Suddenly our classes were interrupted. I arrived at the agreed time, but disaster struck.

I walk in and see a frightened, tear-stained Liziko:

- Oh, excuse me, please. I took Demeter Gela to the doctor urgently.

- And what happened?

- He was drunk. Gela said something wrong, and he kicked him so hard that he broke his arm. Then Demeter cooled down, grabbed him in his arms and took him to the traumatology department to apply a plaster cast. I didn’t have time to call you to warn you...

- What are you talking about? Let him get better...

I looked at her, and somehow it just burst out:

- Didn’t you get it yourself?

She nodded and turned away:

- Happens…

Then she cried:

- I don’t know how to live further. Gela is already big, she understands everything. He says: “Come on, let’s get out of here!” - but there is nowhere to go. There is no place for my parents with such a crowd. And how will I cope without my husband? Four sons... They are only afraid of his roar... He has everything calculated. He forced me to give birth, he knew that I would not get away from him... And if I left, he would make a disabled person out of me. Then what will I do, even if they imprison him? He's a former drug addict... He doesn't care.

- Tell me mama. Let him take action. Or that abbess. There must be some way out.

- There is no way out here... I thought a hundred times... My cross. I chose it myself. I couldn’t get an abortion then, so I’m struggling. He knows that no one else will tolerate his tricks...

— Can’t his parents somehow put pressure on him?

Liziko smiled bitterly at my naivety:

- He is their son. And I'm the daughter-in-law...

This was also familiar to me, and I calculated the next step out loud:

— And the apartment is registered in their name, of course. That is, you and your children can be thrown out onto the street and - general hello? So?

- Yes.

I said a hackneyed phrase that stuck in my teeth:

- Well, help me, Lord.

And she went to another lesson, thinking on the way:

“Glory to You, Lord, for carrying this past me. I couldn't stand it."

Part 8

A month later, Gele’s cast was removed and we resumed classes.

- How are you, Gela? — I asked the victim.

“Thank you, mas (short address to the teacher), by the grace of God,” and smiled a charming open smile. He was already as tall as me and promised to turn into a tall, strong man.

“What a golden guy,” I thought, “he didn’t say a word about the incident. I would have been puffy with anger for a month. This is who we need to learn kindness from.”

We immersed ourselves in mathematics. Behind the wall, dad also sat down to study with his younger sons. From time to time a muffled voice reached me:

- Write exactly, Saba.

He's probably sweating over the copybooks, where everything should be perfectly straight.

Dull characteristic sound. Sobs.

- Chu. So that I don't hear your sound. Gela is studying.

Silence. Sniffling.

- Write normally, I told who!

- I write.

- It's crooked again! You will write again!

The sound of a leaf being torn out. Then some kind of poke. Probably a slap on the head.

- Rewrite!

Sobs. Saba's trembling voice.

- I'm rewriting.

— Write quickly and beautifully. And then I'll add.

After some time, a roaring Saba appeared in the room and called his other brother, eight-year-old Luka. He grabbed his books and went to hand over what he had learned. At that time, Liziko was spinning around in the kitchen and was happy that her father was busy with the children. Although, we must pay tribute, Demeter periodically checked the children’s lessons. It was impossible to call him a non-giver.

I continued to explain geometry and reviewed physics. Muffled muttering could be heard from the other room. Luka briskly rattled off a long verse. Of all the brothers, he was the best in studies, at least he learned everything very quickly. Gela was slow-witted in the exact sciences, but he wrote essays well and crammed dates. Saba was a copy of Gel. The other two were still in kindergarten, and I could not assess their abilities.

Then everything was also relatively smooth. He probably showed his father the written ones. Then something happened behind the door, I missed the beginning, because I myself was explaining some problem to Gelya until I was hoarse. But he still couldn’t get into it. Then I heard the sound of a slap, muffled sobs that threatened to turn into roars, and my father’s muffled voice:

- Close your mouth! You are a man! Chu, I said. Sit down and write a receipt.

When I heard the word “receipt,” my ears curled up and unfolded. I have never heard anything like this in my long practice. Apparently this was Demeter's invention.

Meanwhile, dad dictated:

“I, Luka (put a comma, ignoramus) promise that if I break my word, I will bravely endure the punishment.” Put a period, signature and date. You must be responsible for your actions!

Sobs could be heard from behind the door.

- Now free. And put away the toys so it’s clean.

Then the door creaked. Georgian Makarenko appeared and politely asked:

- How are you doing?

“Delightful,” I said frequently. — A little difficult material. But Gela will learn.

“I hope,” said flint dad. Then he turned to me: “Would you like to try the sauce?” Liziko will be brought to you now.

- No, thank you very much. I'm already finished. I'm in a hurry to get to others.

We said goodbye. A lovely family evening smoothly turned into night. The street lights had been burning for a long time.

Part 9

...This time Liziko greeted me in high spirits.

“The Lord sent unexpected joy through mother’s prayers!” I got two students! They will come home. Demeter doesn't mind.

Naturally, I congratulated him and wished him an increase in clients.

Liziko continued to retell the news for two weeks:

- While you were away, so much happened here. If it weren't for Mother, we would have been lost! Remember, I called you and canceled my lessons. Saba became ill and had to have her appendix cut out. Then the bleeding started during the operation. Demeter immediately called his mother, and she called several monasteries at once. Everyone began to pray, and the doctors pumped out my boy. And then he almost died.

Tears sparkled in her eyes.

— A miracle, a real miracle, the Lord granted through common prayer. And you still doubt our mother! - she said touchily.

“I’ve never seen her and I simply refrain from drawing conclusions.” And then, of course, it’s good that ended well.

“And now we have a new problem,” Liziko continued with concern. - Sorrows do not leave us. Demeter crashed his car and had an argument with a patrolman. They sent me a huge fine, and the car needs to be repaired. Then we will give up lessons for two months. My uncle won't be able to pay that much.

- Your will. Then call as you see fit,” I say.

And it was not easy for me to suggest:

- On the one hand, no matter what is done, everything is for the better. Maybe, left without a car, your husband will start working or be at home more often. Still, it will be easier for you.

Liziko said with disappointment:

- Uh, you didn’t understand anything. Just imagine what he’ll do here if he’s stuck at home all day,” she emphasized the last word. I'll climb the wall. So at least he’s doing something, helping mothers, doing something to our mother, spending energy... When he’s cured of drugs, he can’t do without real work, he’ll go crazy. Or they will chase us around the corners. I need to pray that my uncle will scrape together the money quickly. God feels sorry for everyone.

I agreed with the last statement and remembered in detail that same quiet family evening with homework.

— Yes, we urgently need to find money for a car. Otherwise it's a pipe.

We said goodbye until better times, when finances will make themselves felt again.

Part 10

...Liziko called just a week before the transition exams.

- How are you? We miss you so much. Finally we paid off our debts, with God's help. We are waiting for you even tomorrow. There you also have to take chemistry and physics. Some kind of nightmare. They gave Gele a bunch of tickets, but you know, he looks and doesn’t understand anything. Demeter freaks out separately.

- Why freak out? Naturally, your boy does not understand anything after a three-month interval.

- In short, come, rearrange something, I beg you, otherwise he won’t give up.

I promised to be as sharp as a bayonet, but I didn’t guarantee miracles.

As soon as I appeared, a waterfall of news fell on me from the threshold. Liziko fluttered with joy.

-...Yesterday we consecrated the apartment. There was our mamao and ten stikarosani. The table was set and we had a good time. They separated after midnight. Demetre said that he specially timed this to coincide with Gela’s exams. They say grace has a good effect on the brain. Do you feel how good things have become for us?

I looked around, trying to notice the changes, but I didn’t notice anything special. I got out of it in the style adopted here:

“I wish I could see and feel my sins.” Where can you see grace?

Liziko nodded with satisfaction and hurried the elder:

- Gela, sit down quickly and listen carefully! Remember what daddy said!

Gela nodded that there would be attention.

Liziko made a wide cross over us and closed the door, shushing the younger ones:

- Don't make a sound to me!

I thought about Liziko. In any case, a smile suits her better than tears. It’s good that she’s holding on, someone else would have developed neurosis or severe depression long ago. And this one holds on by faith.

We worked productively for an hour and sorted out several tickets.

Leaving the house, I got stuck in the hallway - I had to discuss when to come again. Then the hero father appeared. He said hello and immediately moved on to the question that concerned him:

— Have you heard that the Ministry of Education is trying to introduce sex education textbooks into schools?

- No, it somehow passed by.

- We are monitoring this issue. If anything happens, we will organize protests at the ministry. There are many of us activists. Georgia is in danger. I have four sons, I will not allow them to be gay. We have to fight. ... - and carried on in his own style, without commas, about the Freemasons, the Soros Foundation, sexual minorities, ecumenism, the struggle of liberals against the Church, chips, the Antichrist, etc.

I listened to him politely, sometimes nodded, and sometimes inserted interjections into this heated speech. I thought to myself:

“Still, the man is in business, in the fight for his ideals. Another would simply sip his beer at the stock exchange every day and slowly drink himself to death. And this one, like a cucumber, is full of energy..."

***

...I don’t know how Gela passed the exams. They didn't call me again. Our five-year relationship is over.

It’s for the best, doing things haphazardly, in leaps and bounds is Sisyphean work with little results. And you can always blame the tutor as the reason for the wrong grade.

Illustration: the same “miraculous” icon of St. Nicholas

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Problems of a modern family

Photo: Temple-Soviet-kvadzhe.rf
It’s worth starting with the fact that the system of raising real husbands who are ready to take on the burden of responsibility for their small family Church is completely destroyed in our country. There are very few units of society where real men are raised. Basically, on the contrary, boys are instilled with the habit of using every opportunity to shift all responsibilities to others, while they themselves enjoy freedom and sin unhindered.

And if you think about this problem, it’s scary! The very Divine foundation of society, the only viable scheme that God left us, is collapsing. The Lord did not provide for any other options, only a small Church is the path to salvation.

But what really? Even if marriages are concluded, they end in divorce, children suffer, and there is no talk of any salvation of souls. And abroad, completely unnatural families are legalized and considered the norm, although this is the path to destruction. Thank God that in Russia this source of sin and dirt is closed. But even in Russia, fornication and adultery are advertised so rapidly that it is difficult to blame young people for not following God’s commandments. This avalanche sweeps away even stronger people, not just young people.

Family as a small Church

We continue our conversations with Schema-Archimandrite Eli about life, eternity, and the soul. The topic of today's conversation is family.

– Father, the family is called the Small Church. In your opinion, is there a contradiction between public and family education these days?

– In the first centuries of Christianity, the family was the Small Church in full. This is clearly visible in the life of St. Basil the Great, his brother Gregory of Nyssa, sister Macrina - they are all saints. Both father Vasily and mother Emilia are saints... Gregory of Nyssa, brother of Basil the Great, mentions that their family held services and prayers to the 40 martyrs of Sebaste.

Ancient writings also mention the prayer “Quiet Light” - during the service, light was brought during its reading. This was done in secret because the pagan world was persecuting Christians. But when the candle was brought in, “Quiet Light” symbolized the joy and light that Christ gave to the whole world. This service was performed secretly, in the family circle. Therefore, we can say that the family in those centuries was literally a Small Church, when they lived peacefully, amicably, prayerfully, and performed evening and morning prayers together.

– Father, the main task of a family is raising a child, children. How to teach a child to distinguish between good and evil?

– This is not all given at once, but is developed gradually. Firstly, moral and religious feelings are initially embedded in the human soul. But here, of course, parental education also plays a role, when a person is protected from bad deeds so that bad things do not take root and are not absorbed by the growing child. If he did something shameful or unpleasant, his parents find words that can reveal to him the true nature of the offense. The vice must be eliminated immediately so that it does not take root.

The most necessary thing is to raise children according to the laws of God and instill in them the fear of God. After all, before a person could not allow some dirty tricks, dirty words in front of people, in front of his parents! Now everything is different.

– Tell me, father, how to properly celebrate Orthodox holidays?

– First of all, a person goes to a service on a holiday and confesses his sins at Confession. We are all called to attend the Liturgy, to receive the Holy Gifts of the sacrament of the Eucharist. As N.V. once wrote. Gogol, a man who has attended the Liturgy, is recharged, restores lost strength, and becomes a little different spiritually. Therefore, a holiday is not only when the body feels good - it is when the heart is happy. The main thing in the holiday is that a person gains peace, joy, and grace from God.

– Father, the holy fathers say that fasting and prayer are like two wings. How should a Christian fast?

– The Lord Himself fasted for 40 days while He was in the Judean desert. Fasting is nothing more than our appeal to humility, to patience, which a person initially lost through intemperance and disobedience. But the severity of fasting is not unconditional for everyone: fasting is for those who can withstand it. After all, it helps us in acquiring patience and should not harm a person. Most fasters say that fasting only strengthened them physically and spiritually.

– Airtime is coming to an end. Father, I would like to hear your wishes to TV viewers.

– We must value ourselves. For what? So that we can learn to appreciate others, so that we don’t suddenly inadvertently offend our neighbor, don’t offend him, don’t offend him, or spoil his mood. For example, when an ill-mannered, selfish person gets drunk, not only does he not take into account his needs, he ruins the peace in the family and brings grief to his relatives. And if he thought about his own good, it would be good for those around him.

We, as an Orthodox people, are endowed with great happiness - faith is open to us. For ten centuries Russia has believed. We have been given the treasure of our Christian faith, which shows us the true path of life; in Christ a person acquires a solid stone and unshakable foundations for his salvation. Our Orthodox faith contains everything that is necessary for future eternal life. The immutable truth is that the transition to another world is inevitable and that the continuation of life awaits us. And this makes us Orthodox happy.

Living by faith is the key to a normal lifestyle both for our family and for all the people around us. By believing, we acquire the main guarantee for moral actions, the main incentive for work. This is our happiness - the acquisition of eternal life, which the Lord Himself indicated to those who followed Him.

The Church is our family

I understood the meaning of the words “brother” and “sister” long before I began to use these biblical terms myself. As a child, I would half-listen to my parents' phone conversations, engrossed in a book but slightly curious about who was on the other end.

The introductory chatter never caught my attention. Their transition to subdued pauses or solemn intonations failed to fully interest me at that time. But then I heard Dad address the caller as “brother,” and I looked up from the page.

The person on the phone was clearly a member of our church family, and whether he was calling about an ominous medical diagnosis or stopping by to borrow some chairs, it likely impacted my life.

Your brothers and sisters

In biblical terms, the people in the pews around us are our family. Like our biological family members, we did not choose them for ourselves, but they were chosen for us, and therefore we are inextricably linked to them. Because we belong to Christ, and therefore to His family.

In John’s account of the crucifixion we read: “Jesus, seeing the Mother and the disciple standing there, whom he loved, said to His Mother: Woman! Behold, Your son. Then he says to the disciple: Behold, your Mother! And from that time on this disciple took Her to himself” (19:26-27). As Christ declared, Mary and John became family to each other and demonstrated all the devotion we expect from a biological mother and son.

Later, when Paul wanted the Roman Church to accept and help Phoebe, he called her “our sister” (Rom. 16:1); When Peter wanted to praise Silvanus, he called him a “faithful brother” (1 Pet. 5:12). When apostolic writers wanted to address the entire flock, they often called them "brethren" (or "brothers and sisters").

Recognizing the fact that we are related is not an intellectual exercise; it is a profound truth that should awaken deep emotions and overwhelm them into tangible expression.

Because these people are family members, we know their names (3 John 15) and discover their interests. We show “brotherly love” (Rom. 12:10) to all of them, rejecting any hint of partiality (eg, James 2:1). In hundreds of ways we try to say: you are my brothers and sisters and I love you.

Throughout the New Testament, God commands us to care for one another in the local church. The Epistles, in particular, tell us what it means to be brothers and sisters and teach us “how we ought to walk in the House of God” (1 Tim. 3:15). With various commands to “one another,” these letters remind us that living in God’s family will refocus our devotion—not just on Sunday, but every hour of every day.

The church is not a man-made society that we can participate in or opt out of depending on our own comfort level. The PTA, the neighborhood association, or the football booster club do not oblige us to sacrifice ourselves when the going gets tough.

Because God's people are our family, we will pursue our own preferences and priorities freely (Acts 4:32; Phil. 2:3–4). We will open our hearts and our doors; we'll pull up another chair at the dinner table and add another name to our prayer list. We will give them our products, furniture and smiles. We will share their grief, trials and disappointments. We will look for ways to show love.

As a result, we will expect to have less money and less free time than we otherwise would have. We will expect to add sorrow, but we will also expect great joy.

Jesus our Brother

Ultimately, joy in our spiritual family comes from something greater than our daily experience of living with the ordinary people who belong to the local church.

Our joy comes from Christ, our Brother, who makes everyone in the family like himself. Romans 8 says that “those whom He foresaw He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brothers” (v. 29).

Knowing this, we can rejoice in those people whom God has given us as brothers and sisters, no matter how ordinary they may seem, because in them we perceive something of Christ. As they grow and mature in the family circle, their character and behavior become more and more like what our souls love most. Through the work of His Spirit, they speak His words, love His ways, hate His enemies, reflect His holiness, and serve His purposes. The more they, and we, become like Christ, the more we will love them.

In one of the most striking statements of Scripture, we read that Christ looks upon the people of his church and is “not ashamed to call them brothers” (Heb. 2:11). How can this be? How can Christ look at the ordinary, weak, and sometimes difficult people of his family and not be ashamed? He is not ashamed because He is being more and more formed in them, and He is confident that one day, through His work on their behalf, their transformation will be completed (Heb. 2:10-18; cf. Gal. 4:19). He willingly identifies Himself with us because our identity is in Him.

When we confirm our relationship to the people of the local Church and are filled with love for them, we loudly testify to the world that we are also not ashamed to call them brothers, not because they are perfect, but because they become like our Only Brother.

In our Christian brothers and sisters we can see what the world does not see. We can see Christ Himself.

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Conversations with the priest. Small Church

Hello , dear visitors of the Orthodox website “Family and Faith”!

The Little Church is a union of a man and a woman, sanctified by the Sacrament of Marriage, in which children are born, raised by their parents in Christian piety.

ABOUT

The regular program “Conversations with Father” on the Soyuz TV channel, whose guest was the publicist and missionary, the rector of the Church of the Ivanovo-Voznesensk Saints in the city of Ivanovo, Hieromonk Macarius (Markish), is dedicated to the Christian family. Father gave answers to questions regarding modern difficulties that arise from time to time in any small church (family).

Presenter C

ergey Platonov Recorded by
Elena
Kuzoro (Transcribed with minimal editing of spoken language)

- Hello, father! Bless our viewers.

– Hello, dear viewers, dear friends! God bless you! And let's now proceed to our next program.

- God bless you, father, that you found the time and came to us.

– I’m always glad, I know how much everyone needs this: both you and us, this is an extremely important matter.

– Today we chose the topic not by chance. It sounds like this: “Small Church.” As far as I know, you are the head of the Department...

– Yes, the commission on family, motherhood and childhood of our Ivanovo-Voznesensk diocese. A commission exists under the Patriarch - the Patriarchal Commission for the Family, Protection of Motherhood and Childhood, and in most dioceses such commissions also exist. And I am entrusted with leading it, we have seven people in it - we are working, trying to somehow coordinate our efforts with those of the general church.

– As we know, the family is a unit of society, a very important component not only in the life of ordinary people, but also in the life of the state.

– That’s right, there was a family when there was no society yet. The first family arose in paradise, when the entire society still consisted of two people - there was already a family. So the family has some priority even over society. We can say that society is a superstructure over the family, but this is already a philosophical question.

– Let’s clarify this concept of “small church.”

– Why explain? It's a simple matter. In the lives of people - there are eight billion people on planet Earth - there are many different associations, structures of social, state, political, whatever, but only two institutions, two associations of people live by the law of the Gospel, the law of God, the law of love. The first is the Church, and the second is the small church, the family. Everything else lives by its different serious laws, better or worse, closer or further, but exactly two institutions, two institutions, two associations live by the law of love in all the diversity of human life. That’s why we talk about the family as a small church, because the law of love sets it apart from everything else.

– It is very difficult in our time to choose a worthy companion, but what should a young man or girl be guided by when choosing a life partner?

- I understand the question. You know, you said “in our time,” but if we take this time a little, so to speak, out of the frame. Even in mathematics and physics this happens: a description of systems in time or outside of time. I will not go into details, but it is possible to construct a description of complex dynamic systems outside of time - the so-called canonical Hamilton-Euler equations, time is not involved there. Only if time is removed will the issue be clarified. The clarification is that the choice itself must be properly understood. In the word “choice,” do not run after time, because our time is trade, commercial, a time of competition, a time of excess supply over demand, a time of the dominance of advertising in the economy, and here there is a choice everywhere. Indeed, you have to choose a pack of sugar, a car, a dacha, a pair of shoes, a tie - you have to choose everything, if you don’t choose, you will be fooled.

But here, when it comes to marriage, this choice is fundamentally different. Why? If a family lives by the law of love, then love is, first of all, self-giving. To love means to give oneself. In the examples I gave, I gain. Whatever I buy - a pack of prunes or real estate on the islands - is all mine. When someone gets married, he gives himself. In the event that a person is on the path to marriage (a man or a woman, it doesn’t matter), he (or she, respectively) understands that marriage is dedication. Who do I give myself to? It’s clear that you won’t be just anyone, but this is a completely different view, a different approach. And, based on this principle, it is much easier to solve your issue. Much simpler, more natural, calmer. Look at the person: am I ready (or ready) to give myself to this person? If a person has some incorrigible vices, then probably it’s not necessary, but if not, then why not. That's the whole answer.

– Let’s return a little to your activities, to your commission on motherhood. Please tell me what is the task of this commission and what problems are you solving?

- There are many problems. We immediately go from the negative side, problems are what are bad. These are not school problems that need to be solved and get an A, problems are those defects in our lives that we need to overcome. We all know them. Our families must live by the law of love, but they do not always live by it, and the divorce statistics - a very sad graph - seem to sober us up a little, so sober up that some even say: “Yes, there has been no family for a long time.” Not true. About the same as if, say, there is a war and there are a lot of losses, a lot of people die in the war and someone would say: “Well, that’s it, we’re dying, we have a lot of losses, a lot of dead.” No, the war must be brought to an end and won, despite the losses. It’s exactly the same with marriage: there are losses, our task is to minimize them and, despite the losses, move forward.

Another problem in our life is abortion. This word is evasive, but it is clear what it means. But if we replace it with the word “infanticide” - a completely equivalent replacement - this again sobers us up. And we have some successes in this fight, they are much slower and more uncertain than we would like, nevertheless we are waging this fight. We must understand that nothing is being done here on its own; we must wage hard work and persistent struggle, understand what kind of struggle it is, with whom and with what. Not with people. If we begin to fight with people, it means that we are succumbing to the enemy’s provocation. The enemy is Satan, naturally.

If we fight against sin, against ignorance, first of all, indifference, stupid habits, stereotypes that remain from who knows what times (mainly from the Bolshevik times), then little by little we achieve success. Slow success, but I already had to give this simple analogy: we recently celebrated the anniversary of the Victory - what a long journey it was from the Volga to Berlin. But it was there, and the people passed it, and the victory was won, despite the fact that the enemy reached the Volga much faster than they were driven away from it. But such is the logic of life, such is the logic of struggle. There is no need to be discouraged, there is no need to relax. There is no need to feed on illusions, but there is also no need to lose heart in this struggle.

– The topic of abortion is a very big topic, it seems to me that there should be a state program after all.

– Do you understand what the story is here? The state, unlike the family, is a function of the human structure. People organize the state the way they want, the way they can, the way they themselves are structured. The Lord arranged the family, the principle of the family is the law that was put into a person at his creation. The state, in general, is not created by God. Open the “Fundamentals of the Social Concept of the Russian Orthodox Church” (this is a document that every literate believer should know), read about the state, you will find that the forms of the state and its principles, content change according to almost human arbitrariness (not according to the arbitrariness of the individual, but according to the circumstances of life) . Therefore, I will say this: the state depends on how the Church conducts its work, how believers act together, the trends, opinions and tendencies that prevail in the state movement, politics, legislative creativity, and the implementation of laws depend on it. , media and so on.

There are things that, frankly speaking, belong to the state: military organizations, the financing of the armed forces, or the strategies of the armed forces that belong to them. Here we will tell our people directly: “Judge, my friend, no higher than your boot.” There are things that belong to the state jurisdiction, the state prerogative, the supreme power, but understanding, awareness of what a family is, a parental feat, what infanticide is, and so on - everything that relates to the spiritual, moral sphere - the state takes from us, the state, simply speaking, is learning from us.

The state as a whole, individual statesmen, the support of these statesmen, the course of the democratic process, that is, elections (who gets the majority and who gets the minority in the elections) - this depends on us: on each of us individually and on all of us together. Again, I refer you to the “Fundamentals of the Social Concept of the Russian Orthodox Church.” The Church does not allow direct participation of the clergy in the political process, but supports and stimulates the participation of every Orthodox Christian in this most important area of ​​our life.

– But in many issues regarding morality, in cultivating good and bright feelings, it is perhaps sometimes useful to work together with the state.

- And no one argues. Certainly. Of course. And this is cooperation between the Church and the state and the state with the Church. By coincidence, I happen to head the second diocesan department - the Department of Relations between the Church and Society and the Media. In this interaction with social, political and other structures, in a number of cases the Church has priority. The initiative will probably always come from the authorities, society, civil structures, but the fundamental leadership or strategic leadership in this interaction will certainly belong to the Church, because the Church lives by the unchangeable law, the law of Christ, the law of the Gospel, the law of God.

In the state, in society, there are dozens, hundreds of different associations and different structures, different trends and different opinions. We do not deny this, but when the state and the Church or society and the Church come into contact, then willy-nilly, consciously or subconsciously, all these structures are oriented towards the Church, because the Church will not cooperate with those who go against Christ. To the extent that they follow Christ, to the extent that their interests coincide with the interests of the Church, goodness, truth and justice, the Church supports these interests and directions. That's how it works.

– Are there any programs that are aimed at strengthening the institution of family in our society?

- Of course I have. We see funding for various information programs and financial assistance to families and large families. I can say about our diocese that for the second year now a competition in defense of life has been held among antenatal clinics, aimed at preventing and preventing abortions, which was unthinkable until relatively recently, when, at the end of the Bolshevik era, almost the entire structure of this area was extremely aggressive, demanding, so that abortion remains the norm of life (if such a service can be called the norm). Much has changed since then, and this is the merit of the Church, the merit of sensible people, perhaps of all faiths, not only Orthodox Christianity, but everyone who values ​​the truth, human nature, and not satanic nature. They managed to influence our social life in such a way that sobering comes.

And we see with great gratitude and joy among government officials and employees of our regional health department a great measure of mutual understanding and their interest in ensuring that abortion ceases to exist. By abortion we mean when it occurs at the request of the mother, when it is the direct killing of an unborn baby, and not a medical procedure, which is sometimes, unfortunately, necessary. The simplest example is an ectopic pregnancy, when the fetus begins to develop outside the mother's reproductive organ. If it develops, then the mother’s death from blood loss is guaranteed.

– Everything is written about this in the “Social Concept”.

– It seems that nothing has been written about ectopic pregnancy, but the idea is clear. I’ll tell you this, dear viewers: when we start talking about abortion, our opponents immediately start talking about these exceptional situations, simply speaking, they mislead us. If in Russia there are millions of infanticides simply due to the insane aspirations of completely healthy and normal people, then there are only a few or tens of such special situations when a decision must be made by a council of doctors, faced with a sad reality. Therefore, this topic should not be allowed to be diverted into a discussion of pathological, sometimes even pathological-anatomical details. No, we are talking about mass infanticide.

By the way, in the ancient world, in the Spartan kingdom, in the Peloponnese, things were much simpler. It was the 5th century BC, there was no need to engage in infanticide of a child who had not yet been born, they killed children after birth. A child was born, they looked at him: good for business - not good, needed - not needed, if not needed, they were thrown into the abyss. The people were simple, but this was five centuries before the birth of Christ. Today, elements of some kind of Christian consciousness exist in humanity, some steps forward have been taken, and somehow it is generally not customary to kill a born child. But people should think about the fact that there is practically no difference between a born child and an unborn one. The same could be said: the child went to school or didn’t go, if he doesn’t go to school yet, let’s give him sausage, but if he has already gone to school, then it’s impossible. Almost the same logic.

I return to the starting point: our struggle is a struggle against ignorance. In church prayer there is a term “petrified insensibility”: people, like stones, do not feel and do not understand what is happening. And modern technology, modern means of education help this quite well. If we could ensure that every mother who wants to destroy her child must necessarily see that child on the screen of an MRI or sound device (this is not an X-ray device that is harmful to the well-being of the fetus, but the same means of visualizing what is inside the human body without harm to the child), show her his breathing, heartbeat, blood circulation, I would like to believe that simply no mother would agree to commit this bloody crime.

– There is an expression: if you are a decent person, then your family is decent, if your family is decent, then your society is decent, and so on. I believe this pattern occurs in our society. And it seems to me that education always begins in the family. The problem in our society, in my observation, is that children from school do not quite understand responsibility and are not accustomed to this feeling.

- Agree.

– They don’t see the example of their parents... You say “parental feat.” Indeed, it is as if this institution is being destroyed, and we are losing our future. Hence the abortions.

– I agree, but abortion is largely a legacy of the past, because the Soviet Union was the first country where abortion was legalized in the early 20s. By the way, in the mid-30s they were banned again, and then allowed again. But this is a question of our sad Soviet history.

Today, due to the fact that the family is under attack, that a huge number of families (almost half) die, become victims of divorce, a huge number of children are raised in single-parent families or are generally born and raised out of wedlock, your remark is quite fair, because that a decent family is becoming a rarity, not ordinary enough or normal enough to become the basis for the upbringing of the younger generation. And here there is some justified hope for education, school.

You asked me about the commission for the protection of family, motherhood and childhood. Last year, our commission, together with the Department of Education, developed (let’s say, very significantly modified) a program for high school students called “Moral Foundations of Family Life.” An educational and methodological complex was created, which is used today by secondary schools in the region. This entire complex has earned high marks both in content and especially in form: it is technically very convenient and flexibly customizable to the individual interests and desires of teachers and their audience. This program can be easily found by all viewers. Anyone who uses the Internet, open a site called “Priest Answers.rf”, there you will see the “Books” section, and you can immediately download this program “Moral Foundations of Family Life”. It is very convenient, does not require a single piece of paper, everything is based on computer media. I’m unlikely to explain and talk for a long time, maybe someday we’ll hold a program specifically about it. This is, so to speak, a different front, a different direction of the struggle that we are waging together with government agencies.

– Is this taught to schoolchildren in class as an elective?

– Yes, absolutely right, today as an elective. The trial period continues, not in all schools in the region, unfortunately, but where this process has begun, the reviews are very good and kind. Referring to the statements of our officials, heads of the education department, ombudsmen for children's rights, I will say that this is a very successful business.

– But these are officials and commissioners, and how do children generally react?

– Officials aren’t just sucking their reviews out of thin air either; after all, we live in conditions of control.

– I just remembered my school years, when they came and told us something, which was not always accepted, with ridicule, etc.

– That’s right, these people conduct anonymous surveys of schoolchildren, teachers, parents, and they should have some kind of feedback on the results of the work they do. And it turns out that the results are very satisfactory and successful.

– Nowadays a very fashionable slogan is: “Take everything from life.” Everyone takes what they can and how they can.

– I saw this picture “Take everything from life”: there is such a bottle of vodka, cigarettes, a syringe with dope. Here – take everything, it’s very well described.

– I want to say that many people don’t think about how to build the future. I’m still getting some work done, I have to study, have a career, then get married, and I’m already approaching my age. Previously, there were early marriages in Rus', in general there were really early marriages all over the world, but now everything seems to be delayed and delayed, later and later. Do you think it is harmful to talk like this, or is it a matter for each person individually?

“Of course, it’s dangerous to administer here.” The phrase “get everything from life” is so stupid that it’s not worth wasting time on it.

- But it works...

– I doubt it, it’s not a phrase that works, it’s sin, stupidity, human foolishness, and various other defects that work. And then what kind of shell to wrap this in, what justification to find for this in the form of a slogan - this is already the twentieth question. But there are more serious considerations: economic, in the broad sense of the word, even related to human nature. Today people mature more slowly than they did hundreds of years ago, of course.

- But they say, on the contrary, faster...

- This is a deep question. I would like to have one of the anthropologists or serious specialists sitting in this studio with whom we could talk about this topic, based on the physiological side. I'm talking about the social side, which is quite easy to judge. I remember myself, when I graduated from college, I was 21 years old, I went to work, there were two of us graduates from the university, everyone said to us: “Well, youth, this is youth.” This is how they treated us, because everyone, naturally, was older than us, we were the youngest in the department.

Remember Alexander the Great or Sultan Mehmed II, who captured Constantinople - he was 19 years old; or many others...

- Alexander Nevskiy…

- Absolutely correct. In my opinion, at the age of 14 he became the Prince of Novgorod. People lived less, death came much earlier than now. We remember that Grand Duke Vladimir, who is usually depicted on icons as an old man with a half-meter beard, did not live to be fifty years old, this is a fact. At the time of the Baptism of Rus' he was 23 years old, as far as I remember. Before the age of 23, he managed to do as much as God forbid.

Yes, indeed, this is so, so there is no need to introduce any requirements again, to each his own. Thanks to the efforts of medicine and various useful results of scientific and social progress, the age of childbearing (if previously a woman had not given birth at 25 years old, she was already a candidate for infertility) is stretching far enough, so there is no need to panic. But, from my experience and opinion, I am absolutely sure that early marriage is a good thing. When a boy and a young girl meet each other and are ready to become husband and wife according to the principle that I said (to give themselves to the other completely, forever), and they do this, this is one of the factors in the success of marriage. If a young man leaves for military service, which now only lasts a year, already having a wedding ring on his finger, then any officer or even sergeant who supervises these recruits will say that this is a reliable cadre, he will be a better fighter than these boys.

– Because the responsibility is for another person.

- Absolutely right. John Chrysostom has a very lengthy discussion on this topic when he turns to the fathers (in those years and in the class about which Chrysostom wrote, they entered into marriage not at their own request, but at the request of their parents), so that they would not In any case, they did not delay the marriage of their sons. Today these same words must be addressed to these young men themselves.

I can remember an absolutely amazing quote from some source, apparently not Christian, but, apparently, Muslim, but the principle is very precise and correct. An old aksakal, a gray-haired old man, remembers his father and says: “My father, may Allah bless him, forcibly married me when I was seventeen years old, I thank him for that. But I want to say one word against my father.” And this is generally very strange: how can you say something against your father in such a patriarchal society? And he says: “I regret that he did not forcefully marry me when I was sixteen years old.” Like this. And every sane person should understand what is hidden behind this laconic formula: some year, which was not easy for this old man, he still remembers it, some sins, some bad, evil deeds or intentions, emotions, which he experienced at that time.

– There are just statistics, again sad, that early marriages often end in divorce. How to connect this?

- That's right, nothing surprising. I said, if they (a boy and a girl) marry on those grounds that are actually adequate to marriage.

- But there are only a few of them.

– I can’t say, I don’t know how long. But, I apologize to young people, the nonsense that is present in young minds is what leads to disasters in marriages, including early ones. And if this nonsense did not exist, if you get rid of the nonsense or do not acquire this nonsense, then your early marriage will be happy and joyful. Fifty years will pass, there will be a golden wedding, everyone will look at you with great envy.

– Let’s say a young man comes to the priest who, due to various circumstances, entered into an early marriage and wants to get a divorce...

- Divorce? Why do they go to the priest then? They must go to the registry office.

– No, but perhaps there is some hope for saving the family. What should be the role of the priest in this case?

– It is extremely rare that they come to the priest when they want to get a divorce. The fact is that there is one massive misconception here. Divorce is not the end of a marriage or the death of a marriage; divorce is the funeral of a marriage, the funeral of a dead marriage. Imagine, people came to the funeral home and started talking about funerals, but it turned out that the person they had undertaken to bury was still breathing. They will say: “You better go to the doctor while you still have the chance.” But this happens extremely rarely, you must admit. As a rule, people go to the funeral home when they already have a death certificate in hand, right?

Much the same applies to divorce. We must take care of the marriage while it is alive. If he is sick (and a marriage can become sick, like any living creature), he must be treated. And here the priest has some experience. When divorce threatens the death of this marriage, then the priest is able to do something. I even had to personally, sometimes even in almost funny circumstances, take part in this, when the husband threatened his wife with divorce, she cried, sobbed, and I intercepted this husband right on the threshold of the registry office, the husband demanded that the wife come for a divorce. The marriage was not yet dead at that time, and this husband somehow managed to “clear his brains” a little. And the marriage remained. Two months passed, the wife came running to the temple and said: “Father, what should I do? My husband is being driven out of work, and now he is also asking you to help.” But this is an exception, quite rare, unfortunately.

What usually happens? Those people whose marriage takes an undesirable path, as a rule, are far from the Church. It is rare for a husband and wife to have a strong Christian faith and yet ruin their marriage. They can formally believe. There are cases when they say: “Yes, my husband is Orthodox, he goes to church all the time, prays, and when he returns from church, he immediately beats me, beats me, gets drunk, and then goes back to church and beats me again.” Such cases are quite well known, but I cannot call this husband Orthodox and this family Orthodox.

– What are the prerequisites for divorce, some acts, misdeeds in which, roughly speaking, the Church can bless a divorce?

– This is the wrong term, the Church does not bless any divorce, we need to strengthen ourselves on this. Divorce is the death of a marriage, the killing of a marriage either by one party or both. According to my observation (men - don’t be offended), more often than not it’s the man who kills the marriage. Maybe I’m judging this subjectively, being a man myself, which means I make more stringent demands on men. But on the other hand, since the husband is the head of the family, he has the main responsibility for the health and preservation of the marriage. It is easy to list what sinful acts are the source of illness and trauma in this marriage. Injuries are wounds, just like in ordinary life: if someone is shot in the arm or leg, he will be seriously ill, and if someone is shot in the heart, he will die immediately.

The same thing happens from the point of view of the disease of marriage. But at the same time, it is very difficult to judge from one single act (for example, adultery has occurred) whether this marriage is alive or dead. It is impossible to answer. If you shoot a person in the heart, you can say: sorry, the matter is clear. And for the life and health of a marriage, one act will never be decisive, but if you look at the background of this act, the background against which it was committed, you can already draw some conclusions. If a husband drinks heavily, drinks for a year, a second, a third, and on the fourth he beats his wife so that she goes to the ambulance, we can say that yes, it’s bad. But again, here more than one act played one sad role.

In order not to be too tragic here, I will say the following: if the husband and wife are truly Christians, then this Christian faith serves as an absolute guarantee of the safety of the marriage. I’m not afraid to say this: as long as Christ is present in marriage, the marriage will live; when they kick Him out of there (and this happens), then the marriage dies. While Christ lives in marriage, these husband and wife may quarrel, no one is immune, there are different stories, but since we proceed from the fact that both husband and wife are Orthodox believers, it means that each of them will turn to the Lord with prayer, with a request, literally with a demand: “Lord, help me, what is this happening!”

And having turned to the Lord with such a sober, but at the same time demanding prayer, they will most likely either reconcile themselves, the Lord will reconcile them, or, perhaps, they will come to the priest. One of them will come to the priest, and he will say: “Bring me your husband (wife),” and will carry on some conversation. I also had to do something like this. What I remember is that it ended in success, but I don’t know how it happened. But when they both believe in God and together come to the priest and say: “Father, our marriage is lame on both legs. What to do?”, if they really sincerely come with this demand, in fact, not to the priest, but to God, asking the priest to be here a kind of bearer of the gift that Christ bestows upon them, then they are guaranteed success. Conversely, disaster is guaranteed when they abandon their Christian faith.

– Such a concept as virginity, purity not only spiritual, but also physical, what role does it play in marriage?

- The question is subtle. On the one hand, it is clear that extramarital sexual relations are a great misfortune, a great evil, a great sin that must be avoided in every possible way. At this point I would put an end to it - and everything is clear. And then it happens that people fall into this sin, and then they begin to play this card and find out what happened there and with whom - there is no need to do this. The Lord forgives sin. If a person has not repented of his sin and believes that he can continue extramarital affairs after marriage in the same way as before marriage, there is no conversation with him, I think there is no need to waste much time on reasoning. But what happens quite often (at least the priest sees it), these sins of youth first lead a person to the Church to repentance of this sin, deliverance from this sin, and then to marriage. And regardless of who we are talking about, the bride or groom, there is no need to try to get into the past of your future spouse, and sometimes even your real spouse, who has already become your husband. If God has forgiven a person’s sins, then in this matter one should not run ahead of the locomotive or be holier than God Himself. In no case is it necessary - it was overgrown with its past. Not the best option, but digging up this case is much worse.

“It’s better to be pure before marriage.” Many people say that the key to the future success of a family is purity before marriage.

– The word “pledge” provides some kind of guarantee. I cannot agree, there is no guarantee. I know any number of examples where a bride or groom has a full, outwardly moral life before marriage, has no extramarital affairs, gets married, six, nine, fifteen months pass, and... hello. There are quite a lot of such cases. Because there are no guarantees other than sincere, conscious, full-fledged loyalty to Christ. I am ready to affirm that sincere, conscious, full-fledged fidelity to Christ on both sides is a guarantee of the integrity of the marriage; there are no other guarantees.

I even remember it from foreign experience. There was a young man, he was about to be ordained as a deacon, a Russian guy, and everyone was looking for a bride for him, as it should be in a traditional society. We found a very good, very beautiful Greek woman, also absolutely alien to all these nasty things from the outside world. They got married, and everyone said: “Well, finally, the perfect marriage.” The ideal marriage, in my opinion, lasted for six months, and they divorced.

– So the situation is ambiguous everywhere?

– It is unambiguous when Christ is present in marriage, when marriage is a structure consisting not of two, but of three, when it is headed by Christ. Small church. We were just talking about this. The Church has Christ at its head, and Roman Catholics believe that the Church is headed by the pope. No, the Orthodox know that the Church is headed by Christ. This means that the small church must also be led by Christ. If it is headed by Christ, then it remains a church; if Christ leaves it, He is kicked out, then there are sad consequences.

– Family life with Christ – what is it like?

- Very simple. This means that a person understands that his marital feat, the feat of self-giving, is his feat before Christ. For a man this is very clear. A man, thank God, is not actually, but potentially, a warrior, a soldier. Here a soldier volunteers to fight, he takes an oath of allegiance to his Motherland and knows, no matter what, he will be faithful to his Homeland, he will fight, he will die. Anything can happen on the front line (wounded, surrounded), but he remains faithful. We can say that as long as this soldier remains loyal to his homeland and a stray bullet or shell does not overtake him, he will fight, everything will be fine with him. In marriage, fortunately, there is no second option; there are no stray bullets or shells; there remains only loyalty to the Military Leader of the Church. And when this loyalty is on both sides (when on the one hand it is very good, but not enough), then this union is indestructible, the small church remains as indestructible as the big Church.

- In the wedding rite in the reading of the apostle, the very last words are: “let the wife fear her husband.”

- Very correct. There is no need to quote the last words out of context. Read all of Ephesians 5 and you'll see what we're talking about. The Apostle says: “I draw a parallel between the relationship of Christ and the Church and the relationship of husband and wife: it is love, fidelity, sacrifice.” Christ gives Himself as a sacrifice for man. The husband does the same (the wife too, but the husband leads this sacrifice). This means that to the extent that a husband personifies Christ, a wife can fear her husband to the same extent, just as people fear God. Our love for God, our joy in God. “My heart will rejoice to fear Your name” is a quote from the psalm that every priest reads at morning prayers. This fear and joy are the same feeling, because we love God, we see His love for us, and we give ourselves to Him. It's the same process. And this process must be effective within a small church so that it lives by the law of love.

– There is a whole separate topic about a woman’s relationship with her husband.

– It is not so complicated, since it is natural when the husband and wife are not infected with any false, pseudo-church teachings. Bishop Longin spoke about the widespread displacement of faith by superstition. This ubiquity, unfortunately, extends to the family. And there is so much nonsense and nonsense in family life, including in intimate life, that you can’t scatter it with a pitchfork. But when this nonsense and nonsense are absent, then the husband and wife behind a locked door have their marital relationship, unclouded, joyful, fruitful and happy, which serves them as the material basis of marriage.

– Finally, bless our TV viewers.

– God bless you, dear TV viewers! God help you in your life's journey, whether married or single.

Life in marriage

With family – this is the Small Church!

from Archimandrite John (Krestyankin) – part 2