Looking for the original source
Most often, sadness does not appear without a reason. And although the reason initially seems unclear, it is always there. Use the questionnaire below to understand the root cause of sadness. If you know why you feel sad, go straight to the second paragraph of the article.
Ask yourself questions:
- Have there been any situations lately that have made me angry?
- Do I feel anxious about upcoming decisions, actions, or purchases?
- Have I recently had a quarrel with loved ones?
- Do I trust my significant other?
- What do I think of myself?
- What do I think about my life: is it filled with bright colors, or am I increasingly thinking about its meaninglessness?
If, while answering any of the questions, you felt nervous, most likely you have touched a sore spot. Don't try to put pressure on yourself and solve the problem abruptly. It is enough to start by meeting it face to face and recognizing its existence.
It happens that you can’t figure out on your own why the melancholy sets in. Do not despair. The skill of reflection is acquired over time.
Remedies for boredom
0
0
Various publications often write a lot about the fight against bad mood, and women’s magazines especially like to give advice of this kind. As a rule, a set of these tips comes down to the following scheme: shopping – shaping – bath with essential oils. Needless to say, such recommendations will be especially valuable for the reader who bought the magazine with her last money, flattered by the title “How to Get Rid of Depression,” proudly displayed on the cover. Moreover, the woman who, without sparing money, nevertheless takes advantage of the proposed advice, will most likely face inevitable disappointment. The melancholy will go away for a while and then violently attack again.
Armed with personal experience, I decided to give you some tips to combat a bad mood. These tips do not claim to be universal - everyone has their own reasons for sadness. But still, they deserve to be listened to: they have helped many times. And very little money was spent.
Tip #1: Pay attention to the people around you. Just not in order to start singing the weakly comforting song filled with hidden cynicism “Well, compared to N. I’m generally lucky...”. You should help N with something. Yes, yes, you heard right. You need to help someone who you think is worse off than you.
Think about how to do this - your action should be noble and not degrading. It shouldn’t be a penny (or even a hundred ruble) thrown into a beggar’s hat. No, for example, just listen to your friend who was dumped by her boyfriend (usually when she calls and starts crying into the phone, you refer to business and quickly end the conversation), or even give her that dress of yours that she liked so much. She will be glad. You too. Tested for myself.
Tip No. 2. Among your friends there are not only those who are having a hard time, but, for sure, there are also those who, it seems to you, are quite satisfied with life - there are happy ones. Instead of envying them (or, even worse, gloatingly thinking: “Nothing, happiness does not last forever! Soon you will feel bad too!”), be happy for them: communicate with them, recharge with their bright emotions. Happy lovers or children are best suited for this purpose. One of my friends sometimes looks after her friend’s son. “Danka and I watch cartoons,” she says. “Sometimes we laugh so hard that my stomach hurts!” It's so cool!".
Tip No. 3. If possible, take a walk in nature. Just wander around the park or forest for an hour - calmly, without rushing. At the same time, try not to think about anything or think about some nonsense. You can listen to the player with your favorite music. And breathe deeper...
Tip No. 4. Physical activity and attention to your body are very important. It is no coincidence that this advice is mentioned by the author at the end of the list. Usually it is he who pays a lot of attention to other advisers on combating bad mood. And although there is undoubtedly a relationship between mental problems and a person’s physical condition, this relationship should not be exaggerated. For example, if we are sick with the flu, then it is obvious that we need to take medication - no one has yet advised treating the flu with songs or jokes (although why not try?), but everyone recklessly advises treating a bad mood with exercise in the gym or baths with sea salt. Nevertheless, this advice is valuable. True, only in combination with the previous ones.
By the way, the most excellent comprehensive exercise for body and soul is spring cleaning. You usually start it in a depressed state of mind, and end with the pride of a triumph. Being in a clean, beautiful room, you feel happier than in that lair of a loser that your apartment was before the cleaning. The house of feelings is the soul, the house of the soul is the body, the house of the body is housing. And everywhere should be clean, remember this.
A few words in conclusion. Don’t try to get rid of melancholy by complaining about it to everyone around you - this is a trap: often with melancholy, an illusion is created that if you throw out your emotions, everything will become normal again. In fact, the melancholy is often inexhaustible. She's like that pot of porridge from the fairy tale of the Brothers Grimm - you risk flooding your entire environment with it and eventually losing your friends.
And the last piece of advice - as a last resort - if the melancholy does not go away or does not go away for long, it means that its roots go very deep (and, most likely, you already have depression - and this is much more serious). In this case, it should not be treated, resorting to magazine advice, contact a specialist (psychologist), and if you are religious, then a priest (preferably your spiritual father).
I would like to end the article with an optimistic slogan like “Everything will be fine!”, but that would not be very honest. Because everything will be as you do it yourself.
Found a mistake? You can report an error by highlighting it and pressing Ctrl+Enter
What can you do right now?
I propose to consider three simple methods that you can apply right now and experience quick relief. These methods will not remove the entire burden of melancholy, but will help you find strength for further action.
Breathing using the square method
Take a deep breath through your nose, counting to four to yourself. Hold the air for four counts. Exhale through your nose, also keeping a count. You can increase the number by two each time. For example, make the first “square” for four counts, the second for six, and the third for eight.
Breathing calmly and consciously tells your brain that you are safe. In addition, you will become more aware of your body and realize that you can manage it in the same way as your emotions.
Trying writing practices
Share your thoughts on paper. Often we need support and to free our minds from all disturbing thoughts. If there is no loved one nearby who could help, use a white sheet for this.
If you can't find words to describe your feelings, write them down.
For example: “I know I’m feeling sad right now and I’d like to help myself. I found a way - written practices, but I don’t know what to write about. I think that…"
Write about your current state, about your thoughts at breakfast, and about the fact that you looked at photos with your family for the third time today. The answers you need can be found at the most unexpected moments.
Dream
Sometimes we feel sadness due to fatigue: it seems that everything is falling out of our hands, there is no time for hobbies and communication with loved ones, and the burden of problems is unbearably burdensome.
The reason is that you don't get enough rest.
If you've been feeling groggy, tired, and sad lately, try setting aside more time for sleep today. Sleep during the day and make sure that by the evening all important things are done, and important and non-urgent ones are left for tomorrow. Calculate the time before waking up so that you can sleep at least 8 hours.
Preparing for rest and maintaining a sleep routine is an important part of basic self-care.
Terrible melancholy disappointment and depression
Hello! I am 33 years old, my wife is 37 years old, my son is 7 years old. I married for love, there were no children for 4 years, my son was born through very great financial and moral difficulties, my wife and I went through a lot, although I noticed then and she herself told me you still want let's try and no, we'll live like this. I insisted and tried to do everything for 4 years and my son was born, I love him very much and he loves me too, always and everywhere together. I was always thirsty for life, after the wedding I found a job I really liked and the team too schedule, I felt like a happy person, I had hobbies, friends, now I know that I was definitely happy, every day brought joy, adrenaline, a sense of search and hobbies. There is always order and comfort at home. Then I lost my job, problems with money and self-realization appeared, due to I gave up my sense of duty on my friends’ hobbies, I devoted all my time to my family and spent money only on my family. Then I decided to immigrate and began to do everything for this and my wife began to move away, and then she generally said if you want to go, you’ll take it with you, okay, no, okay. I love my son very much, and yes He still seemed to love her back then, he wanted to be together. The immigration program required her participation (language, etc.) but she just went to bed early and said I’m working so you can go and learn the language at home (I was unemployed) and I won’t do anything , so there was a complete misunderstanding, then I decided that I would go alone and pick them up later. Immigration completely absorbed me, all my friends, acquaintances, and hobbies somehow dropped out of their own accord. I made a lot of friends there on the Internet, I learned the language and left .It was very difficult to leave, I cried from separation from my son for 2 days, but I understood that he would be better there. My wife was calm. For 12 years of marriage, sex has been dry and without feelings for 7 years and it may not happen for months if I don’t initiate it first. My wife I was never offended. I wanted a car from the showroom, I saved up my earnings and bought it, my son showed up and installed heating in the apartment, in our city this is not realistic at all. I came to a new country, it’s paradise for me, for children and for women. Everything worked out for me, my friends from the Internet helped me with everything, I got a job, leisure time, a hobby. And I was happy for a month, but I received a BLOW from within, I began to miss my son so much, how we walked with him and how we played, the river, the forest with him .And I couldn’t stand it, it pressed me so hard that I howled with longing for my son. If he had been with me, I would never have come back. When I told my wife that I was going back because I decided not to exchange my family for America, she changed and again began to avoid communication , all the time she began to reproach you there in paradise and I work here alone, although I left work, I sent them money, and said stay there, this is the dream of your whole life and then we will come (they could only do it in 1.5-2 years). I noticed that the relationship is crumbling and the son says when I call my dad, I’ll go play and then we’ll talk. I was very lonely in my soul in America. All my friends here and there said you’re an egoist and a weakling, you’re not a man, a rag, you’ll come, you’ll be fine, you’ll have a better chance back will not leave and the family will always be in poverty and destitution in their homeland. Follow the path and everything will work out. I realized that no one believes in me. Everyone is pursuing their own interests. My parents cooled off on the phone (they often helped with money). I thought for a week how enroll and left. By the way, I am a leader in life and I constantly need something new and changing. Life should be like a mountain river, then it’s really easy for me, when there are problems and I need to solve them, then I get a thrill from the result, and I feel that I can do a lot .And here is the assembly line of a meat processing plant, I am a doctor by first profession and I love helping people and now I often do it selflessly, I can give money or give the last thing if a person is in trouble. I get along with people very easily and can immediately lead them with me, I easily learn languages and very flexible and dexterous. But I didn’t expect this from myself. And I left. I came here as a deserter from the war for my homeland, everyone turned away, my wife completely ignores, if my son is making noise in the house and I make a remark or ask my wife for something, she just continues to do it started doesn’t even want to talk to me. We sleep separately, never even asked to show photos or tell us how it was there. Parents too. Now there are no friends here at all, the book on the phone has no numbers at all, there is no work, there is no one to even talk to, in the family I’m a stranger, I sold my car and spend the money on my family, I have no social life, I don’t even have anyone to invite to my birthday. I decided to go back, but the company I worked for refused to take me back, I can’t go, I don’t have a worker’s permission, the company I went through said everything you let me down, we won’t register you there anymore, the former employer then said you let me down and forget about everything. I went to church, prayed, until I found an answer. I’ve never been so sad before. A month at home, and I understand there is no purpose in life anymore, to live separately I don’t want to, and I definitely don’t want to live here, I’ve tried a lot here and I can’t achieve anything, but there you can realize any dream only with your own strength and head. It’s a dead end, but for the sake of my son I have to live, I know. But that doesn’t make it any easier, there’s no warmth of soul there is no hearth of family warmth in the family and I don’t care. There is an insignificant chance of going back and trying there, but they may not let you cross the border; there is only one visa and no permit, but you can get it at the border if you explain why. But I’m afraid what if they won’t let me in, I’ll waste $1,500 on a plane ticket and come back home, it will be even worse then they’ll blame me for this failure too. And if I pass, I’m afraid that now even if they miss my son, I won’t get it back because I completely stopped loving my wife after her reaction and behavior was so bad, and I want to understand for myself whether I’m a loser or whether I can build myself from scratch there again. I’m so confused that I don’t understand anything anymore. If I could leave with my son, I would go now without hesitation, I know for sure I won’t get lost there, there’s a language, friends, a profession there .But I don’t really want to be without him, but I don’t want to be at home either, I don’t clean anything, my wife has become disgusted, I want family warmth and love and faith in me. Then (I already understood) it’s not so important where and how you live, the main thing is that you are needed and they are waiting for you at home. Now I understand exactly why in Stalin’s time they survived for 25 years in the camps, because at home you are needed and they are waiting for you and they believe in you. I tell my wife I’ll go, she says go, I say I’ll stay, I’ll go to work, she tells me whatever you want. The town is very I’m small and there’s no work here, just to earn money again. But I don’t understand why all this and why drag out all this if I’m not needed at home, but my son says every day how glad I am that you came even without gifts, the main thing is that you’re here and I love you without money and gifts. And I’ll even give you my candies, just don’t leave (he’s already 7.5 years old), my heart is breaking, I’ve completely fallen out of life here and I don’t want to build it here, I got a rare chance to go to America and I could there, if not for the longing for my son. But at home it’s cold and everything is indifferent. My wife and I are strangers. I live at home for the sake of my son. I have dreams in the depths of my soul (they were invited to the south pole on an expedition, to the north, I wanted to get a pilot’s license in America and work truck driver) I love the rotation of life. Conclusion life used to be like a mountain river and now it’s like a swamp with mud and frogs. I notice that I’ve started to go downhill (I don’t shave, I don’t go out to see anyone and for no reason). I really want to go on a sea cruise around the world (I’m corresponding with F. Konyukhov), and to visit Everest and Elbrus. These are childhood dreams, for this I studied radio, prepared, entered medicine and worked in an ambulance. Played the guitar, had a lot of friends for hobbies, fishing, and a zest for life. My wife has a hobby I haven’t noticed anything except watching TV series for days. But she very carefully cooks and cleans the house, I say let me help, she tells me I myself and then reproaches you, you don’t want to do anything at home, everything you’ve achieved in life is pure luck, you’re nobody on your own to yourself. Help
What to do next
Having provided primary assistance, do not give up halfway. The melancholy may return in the morning or after a few months. If you prepare for this period, it will pass faster and easier. I suggest you consider a few tips:
- Choose something that you will do on a regular basis solely for your own pleasure. Regular production of joy hormones significantly reduces the likelihood of melancholy. Read about how hormones affect the body.
- Enlist the support of your loved ones. Tell your family that things have been difficult for you lately. Ask for help. You can do this by saying a simple phrase: “It’s not easy for me, and I’m sad. Can I text you the next time I feel bad?” Friends and family will be happy to provide the help you need.
- Meditate on a regular basis. Meditation is not always associated with spiritual practices. Often it becomes a good tool for understanding yourself and taking a break from problems. This practice calms you down, helps you visualize pleasant events and get rid of previous grievances.
- Play sports or add physical activity to your daily routine. Sport has a positive effect on health and emotional well-being.
