The theme of friendship is fundamental to human life, the life of society, and affects nature
man, the sphere of “mental” and “physical”.
We find reflections of this theme in history, philosophy, sociology, the history of politics, etc., and the religious aspect of this theme is unusual for the Biblical tradition, even unique. The theme of friendship was actively developed by the holy fathers, then gradually left Christianity. In the Church it is customary to call each other brothers and sisters, “servants of God,” rather than friends. But we know from Acts that the first Christians gathered at a common table for agape love meals, were constantly in fellowship, breaking bread and prayer (Acts 2:42, 46). In the Gospel of John, Christ directly tells the disciples: “You are my friends” (John 15:14). The statistics on the use of the word φίλος
(friend) are interesting; of the 29 times it is used 26 times in the corpus of writings in Luke (18 times) and in John (8 times). We will trace how the meaning of the concepts of “friend” and “friendship” changed from the classical ideas of Aristotle and Plato, through the Holy Scriptures and the Law to the New Testament given by Jesus Christ.
According to the Bible, friendship has 5 components: sacrifice, trust, love and responsiveness, support
Friends are very close to us. This allows you to share your experiences, something personal, and discuss questions that you wouldn’t ask a stranger. Orthodox friendship and communication are based on a biblical foundation, for the Holy Scriptures provide useful teachings on how people should communicate with each other.
The first thing the Bible says about friendship is that it definitely has divine characteristics. The Lord speaks to Moses the way people speak to friends:
“And the Lord spoke to Moses face to face, as one speaks to his friend.”
(Exodus 33:11)
On this icon, the apostles Peter and Paul were depicted in an embrace in order to emphasize their friendship. Photo: i.pinimg.com
Moreover, the reader of the Bible is not simply presented with the fact of the existence of friendship as a phenomenon. We are given a clear understanding of how this relationship begins and what it is like:
“When [David] finished speaking with Saul, Jonathan’s soul clung to his soul, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.”
(1 Samuel 18:1)
The Bible shows a lot about friendship and friends through the example of the relationship between David and Jonathan. What is there in friendship?
Sacrifice:
“And Jonathan took off his robe that he had on, and gave it to David, and also his other garments, and his sword, and his bow, and his girdle.”
(1 Samuel 18:4)
Confidence:
“David fled from Nabath in Ramah and came and said to Jonathan: What have I done, what is my iniquity, how have I sinned against your father, that he seeks my life?”
(1 Samuel 20:1)
(painting “David’s Farewell to Jonathan”, Rembrandt Garmens van Rijn, 1642). Photo: artmight.com
Responsiveness:
“And Jonathan said to David, “Whatever your soul desires, I will do for you.”
(1 Samuel 20:4)
Love:
“And again Jonathan swore to David his love for him, for he loved him as his own soul.”
(1 Samuel 20:17)
And this love is unconditional:
"A friend loves at all times"
(Proverbs of Solomon 17:17)
“A friend loves at all times and, like a brother, will appear in times of misfortune.”
(Proverbs 17:17)
Support:
“And Jonathan the son of Saul arose and came to David into the forest, and strengthened him with his trust in God... And they made a covenant with each other before the Lord; and David remained in the forest, and Jonathan went to his house.”
(1 Samuel 23:16, 18)
Relationships with people.
Of course we must maintain good relations with people. He must experience the life of Christ in the warmth and kindness that flows from us. We must be a light and a blessing to those around us. But this kindness must be based on “intolerance towards sinful policies.” Whenever sin tries to assert itself, it must meet a steel wall of resistance. Gossip, lewd behavior, alcohol and drug abuse, dishonesty, harming others, etc. Everyone who meets you should be greeted by your motto “No to sin!”!
Jesus teaches us to pray: “Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.” Matt. 6:13. This is something we must work with God on. You can't blindly do whatever you want and expect God to stop you if you go too far. We must be zealous to shun evil! We usually know what places, people and things lead us into temptation. Jealousy required here! (Titus 2:14)
The same goes for when we motivate ourselves to spend time with people by wanting to lead them to Christ. Jesus interacted with tax collectors, harlots, and all kinds of sinners. However, He never approved of their sins. On the contrary, He taught them how to be free from sin! Evangelistic work is a very important part of the life of the Church. However, you must protect your own heart first. Don't expose yourself to situations for which you are not strong enough.
The Old Testament teaches that a friend is a special status with many obligations
But it’s not just the story of King David that tells Bible readers about friendship. Its properties are also revealed in subsequent texts. For example, from the book of the prophet Job we learn that friendship implies empathy:
“The sufferer should have pity from his friend”
(Book of Job 6:14)
Calling yourself a friend means agreeing to a special status that means more than family:
“Whoever wants to have friends must be friendly himself; and there is a friend who is more attached than a brother.”
(Proverbs of Solomon 18:24)
King Solomon. The book of Solomon's parables is attributed to him, where friendship is described in detail. Photo: acathist.ru
Friendship involves participation in the life of another person:
“Oil and smoking make the heart glad; so sweet to [everyone] his friend with his heartfelt advice"
(Proverbs of Solomon 27:9)
But not only advice will help, real actions are also important:
“Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor: for if one falls, another will lift up his companion.”
(Book of Ecclesiastes (4:9–10)
Even in situations where it is difficult to do something for a friend, you need to try:
“If, I tell you, he does not get up and give him because of his friendship with him, then because of his persistence, he will get up and give him as much as he asks.”
(Gospel of Luke 11: 
Friendship is also mutual assistance in development:
“Iron sharpens iron, and a man sharpens the sight of his friend.”
(Proverbs of Solomon 27:17)
Sometimes you even have to be rude, but at least sincere:
“The reproaches of a lover are sincere, and the kisses of a hater are deceitful.”
(Proverbs 27:6)
Friends are similar, they adopt each other's qualities. “Tell me who your friend is, and I will tell you who you are”:
“As in water face to face, so the heart of a man comes to man.”
(Proverbs of Solomon 27:19)
Friendship matters
The older we get, the less time we have for significant relationships. And although the circle of friendship is not as large as before, it can become much deeper. But remember that your friendships have more power than you can imagine, so you must choose them wisely. An unhealthy friendship can create more chaos than peace.
As modern life becomes increasingly hectic, we tend to put friendship on the back burner. But few things shape and develop us like friendship, and are worth investing in.
The Gospel of John says that God is a friend to man
Love and friendship are inextricably linked. We can say that friendship is a certain level of love, a variant of its manifestation. And the Gospel of John tells about its highest manifestation:
“Greater love has no one than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.”
(Gospel of John 15:13)
Jesus Christ said that “greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends,” and died for humanity. Photo: muzei-mira.com
And who is capable of such sacrificial love? The best example is Jesus Christ. He makes sacrifices for and for people, whom He calls His friends:
“You are My friends if you do what I command you. I no longer call you slaves, for the slave does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, because I have told you everything that I have heard from My Father.”
(Gospel of John 15: 14–15)
But, as we see, this friendship, unlike love, is not one-sided, unrequited. A person needs to make some effort to become a friend of God. one-sided.
This is not a new idea. We could read it in the book of Proverbs:
“Whoever wants to have friends must be friendly himself; and there is a friend who is more attached than a brother.”
(Proverbs 18:25)
Friendship in the Greco-Roman world
The words “love” and “friendship” in most languages of the world are close in meaning. Along with friendship, there are three more “types of love” in Greek culture, which are denoted by four verbs έράω, φιλέω, στοργέω and ἀγαπάω
.
Plato also pointed out the relationship between friendship and love: “he who does not love is not a friend”1. Aristotle in “Nicomachean Ethics” defines philia (Greek: φιλία
)
as
“a type of virtue” and “the most necessary for life”2.
Originally, the verb φιλέω
meant to consider something or someone as one of one’s neighbors, loved ones, one’s own, one’s own
(πλησίον
)3.
Fιλία
according to Aristotle is “mutually recognized affection and goodwill towards each other”4.
The purpose of relationships for Aristotle is pleasure, benefit, virtue
(or
good
)5.
For example, the goal of family relationships is the desire for good. Later, friendship
began to be called relationships associated with
symbolic “twinning”
(blood friendship, twinning, etc.).
At the same time,
all
like-minded people
“friends .
Friendship is already becoming selective
.
The purpose of such unions was profit,
which was considered by Aristotle to be the lowest form of friendship.
But " friendship"
“in the strict sense of the word, true, “perfect” friendship”,
φιλία ἑταιρική –
according to Aristotle, arises “for the sake of virtue and is possible between virtuous people”6.
The most significant was the expression “A friend is another “I” of a friend” (my “alter ego”)7. Those. the characteristics of ideal friendship according to Aristotle are unity, reciprocity and equality
8. The antithesis of friendship was considered betrayal, a false friend. The embodiment, manifestation and signs of friendship are a kiss, sacrifice, hospitality, a meal, unification against enemies. The fulfillment of the highest duty was considered to be sacrificing oneself for one's friend.
We identified the following participants in relationships called friendship: friendship with oneself
(as self-improvement),
between a group of like-minded people or students
, between
people and gods
.
Another meaning
was discovered as the connecting principle of the universe.
The friendship between elders and juniors corresponds to the relationship between teacher and student, so friendship is the beginning of learning. Phίλoι
is a (self-) designation for philosophical or religious brotherhoods, for example, Pythagoreans, Epicureans, disciples of Plato9.
Aristotle reflected the popular opinion of the Greeks about the impossibility of friendship between man and the gods due to the gigantic difference in positions. Pythagoras used the word “ friendship
” to designate the principle of harmony, unity in the world of everyone with everyone, and Empedocles generalized that love -
φιλία
is, along with hatred and enmity -
νεῖκος
, a universal law of the Cosmos10.
During the period of Roman rule, vertical hierarchical relationships replaced the ideas of friendship and equality. However, the longing for genuine relationships, awareness of the imperfections of man himself and society as a whole led to a surge of new interest in ethical values, which was reflected in literature, politics and philosophy by the beginning of our era.
The Monk Abba Joseph wrote a whole sermon on friendship
The sermon about friendship is, of course, said figuratively. This is an excerpt from his writings, but it can be very useful for believers.
The monk believed that:
“Complete and perfect friendship can only exist between perfect men of equal virtue.”
Abba Joseph argued that friendship helps to learn virtue
Abba Joseph believed that friendship is the gradual joint steps of two people on the path of spiritual development:
“ The first foundation of true friendship is the disdain of worldly wealth and the contempt of all the things that we have. For it is completely unjust and wicked if... one prefers unimportant household rubbish to precious brotherly love...
The second reason is that everyone should cut off his own will, so that he does not consider himself wise and prudent and does not want to follow his own opinion better than the opinion of his neighbor.
Third : everyone should know that one must prefer love and peace to everything that one considers even useful and necessary.
Fourth : one must believe that one should not be angry at all, either for just or unjust reasons.
Fifth : everyone should want to heal his brother’s anger towards him, fed even without reason, in the same way as his own, knowing that the sadness of another is equally disastrous for him, it would still be as if he himself were angry with the other if he did not expel it from his brother’s soul how much depends on him
The last reason, which, without a doubt, is the general destroyer of all vices, is for everyone to think that he will move from this world on that very day. This conviction will not only prevent any sorrow from remaining in the heart, but will also suppress all movements of lust and all sins. So, whoever preserves this can neither endure the bitterness of anger and discord, nor inflict it on others. And when this does not happen, and as soon as the enemy of love (the devil or passion) quietly pours the poison of grief into the hearts of friends, then it is necessary, with the gradual cooling of love from frequent grief, the hearts of lovers, which have been poisoned for a long time, will someday be separated.”
Abba Joseph
Reverend
Elijah and Elisha - the friendship that grows us
Like David and Jonathan, most of us had close friendships with our peers. Another type of friendship that is a little less common is the mentor-mentee friendship. We see a perfect example of this in the relationship between Elijah and Elisha.
Elijah was a prophet for a time. He was hiding in the mountains from King Ahab, who wanted him dead. But God calls the prophet back into the game and tells him to anoint Elisha to succeed him as prophet (1 Kings 19:16).
From this moment on, Elisha becomes the shadow of Elijah. He followed the elder prophet and learned everything he could from him. Even when Elijah's time came to an end and it was time for Elisha to focus on life without his mentor, he still refused to leave the prophet's side.
When the Lord was about to take Elijah into heaven by a whirlwind, Elijah and Elisha were on their way from Gilgal. Elijah said to Elisha, “Stay here; The Lord sent me to Bethel.”
But Elisha said, “Surely, as the Lord lives and as you live, I will not leave you.” So they went to Bethel.
A group of prophets from Bethel came to Elisha and asked, “Do you know that today the Lord will take away your master?”
“Yes, I know,” Elisha replied, “so be quiet.”
Friendship Principle: The value of developing close relationships with wise advisors who have a lifetime of personal experience to offer cannot be overstated. We must continually seek out people God will bring along our path who can help us grow and mature, even if the relationship is not based on shared age or interests.
The Holy Fathers believed that friendship must be earned and protected
Orthodox friendship and communication are a great value. It is achieved through hard work.
John Chrysostom wrote about how to win a friend:
“Nothing wins us more friends than trying to outdo our neighbors in respect.”
He warned that there is always a risk of losing this friendship:
“Whoever becomes a friend by receiving benefits will become an enemy if they are not continuous.”
The Holy Fathers speak of friendship as a constant readiness to help a friend: Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh writes:
“Friendship is to be faithful, friendship is to be ready, if your friend is defamed, persecuted or persecuted, to stand up and say: “I am with him!” Are we ready for this? In good moments of life we say: yes, we are ready, but can we say without serious reflection that this is our choice?
Anatoly Surozhsky
Metropolitan
Making decisions.
Every decision must be weighed against this goal. Can I take part in this conversation, go to this place, or behave in this way, and at the same time keep myself pure and without blemish? Will this help me achieve my ultimate goal - eternal life with Him? This applies to the company you keep and the things you allow yourself to do, especially in terms of entertainment and social media. Why do you want this? If these things are a barrier to you achieving your goal, then these things are not worth it! Our thoughts should be as Paul describes them in Colossians:
“So if you have been raised with Christ, seek those things that are above, where Christ sits at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things above, not on earthly things. For you are dead, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, your life, appears, then you will appear with Him in glory.” Ear. 3:1-4.
Is Christ your whole life? Then the most important thing for us should be to prove worthy of Him? What this means is that we need to give up things that may be painful to give up, but you will do it for His sake! Think of all that He gave up for us!
