Abstract on Orthodox culture “Friendship”

Friendship is very important to our growth and strength as Christians, but friendship is not a form of relationship that is typically taught in the church. Perhaps because we assume that friendship develops naturally and happily, but brotherly and sisterly love requires a lot of supernatural fervor and diligence. Because of the lack of biblical instruction and reflection, we are prone to a distorted and often selfish understanding of what friendship is. Therefore, it is important not only to provide a deep understanding of biblical friendship, but it is also important to ensure that our friendships are Christ-centered.

What is Christian friendship

Of course, we will associate with non-Christians in our daily lives, but we must first consider the health of our Christian friendships. The very relationships that fulfill Jesus' command to “love one another” in such a way that “all people will know that [we] are [His] disciples” (John 13:35). This is our friendship within the church. How exactly should we define Christian friendship?

Understanding Christian friendship begins with God himself. The first friendship in creation began when God extended His hand to humanity. In the beginning He sought the company of those whom He had created. From eternity the triune God has enjoyed perfect friendship within the Godhead. He did not need our friendship, but He wanted His image bearers to share this wonderful fellowship with Him. So He created man and woman, and He treated them as friends. Adam and Eve, as we well know, destroyed that friendship through sin, but God responded by bringing us back into friendship again in Jesus Christ. Jesus said, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). And He laid down His life so that the hostility that had eradicated our intimacy with God could be removed and that intimacy restored. Now we have fellowship with God again if we have living faith in Christ.

Why do we need to know redemptive history to truly define Christian friendship? Because God's commitment and demonstration of friendship are the basis of brotherly and sisterly love: “We love because He loved us first” (1 John 4:19). Without this knowledge, or sometimes even despite it, we trade God's love for the love of people and seek in them what only God can give - unconditional love, all-knowing intimacy, perfect provision and security of the soul.

So many of our friendship problems stem from us thinking that people should respond the way God does, or we believe that God responds to us as flawed humans. When we try to find our security and value solely in human friendship, we become idolaters: “For my people have committed two evils: They have forsaken Me, the fountain of living water, and hewed out for themselves broken cisterns that cannot hold water” (Jer. 2:13). ).

One way we know our friendships are Christ-centered is by continually enjoying God's friendship. As we experience His daily communication with us, we also know that His ability to love, know and care for us is limitless and flawless, and human friendship can be enjoyed in its proper, secondary position because we do not expect from it what God I never invested in it.

So, biblical, Christian friendship begins with the fact that we confidently grasp the strong and unshakable anchor of Christ, and, holding on to it, we begin to give and receive the gift of friendship to others, as God gives us such an opportunity. The goal is to enjoy God with other Christians and, as we walk through life together, to strengthen our friends and allow them to strengthen me.

When we try to find our security and value solely in human friendship, we become idolaters.

About friend, friendship and community

Do you want to check your attitude towards your neighbors?
Ask yourself: how many old friends do you have left? The famous artist Veniamin Smekhov in his book “When I was Athos” recalls that in the 80s and 90s of the 20th century he was surprised to not find the most talented actors on the lists of the most popular actors. The first places traditionally went to the heroes of the “Musketeers” and “Midshipmen”. The reason for this choice of the public is clear: preference was given to films that depicted strong friendship, unanimity, mutual assistance - what is lacking in modern society.

One way or another, almost every one of us probably admits that close, like-minded friendship is a great treasure. And at certain moments in life this can be especially meaningful to us. The only question is whether it is really possible to find true friendship.

First of all, we note that the human soul is initially inherent in two needs - communication with God and communication with each other. A tree cannot live without the sun. Likewise, a person without God does not have true life, and this is expressed in the soul’s feeling of some kind of insufficiency, a lack of something higher, true, authentic. But even if a tree grows alone, it easily becomes a victim of unfavorable weather conditions, for example, strong wind. A person without friends suffers disasters with especially crushing force, and the soul feels its loneliness, abandonment in the earthly world.

Have you noticed that after talking with friends, your mood always improves and you have strength and inspiration to complete your daily work? Community and communication, unity and joy from unanimity always awaken interest in life.

For each of us, not only the warm words of loved ones, but also simply their presence nearby is of great importance. Community is a deep sense of connection with others. It is supported both by words and by being close to your loved ones and the people who love you. And when there is no one close to you for a long time, your soul begins to yearn, feeling its loneliness.

So, friends are also a manifestation of God’s care for us. The Lord shows that we are not alone in this merciless world, and therefore true friendship is truly a treasure. In life, it often happens that family ties between brothers and sisters are strong while the parents are alive. When they are no longer there, relatives forget each other, and friendships often become stronger ties.

Close friendship bound the first Christians, when only those who accepted the faith of Christ with all their hearts became children of the Church. “You are my friends” (John 15:14), says the Lord to the apostles. By calling them His friends, He unites them themselves with close ties of friendship. The absence of friends or the reluctance of friendship is often associated with selfishness; such a person is focused only on himself, he no longer needs anyone else.

Let us ask ourselves: what is true friendship anyway? And who is this friend? After all, it’s one thing to find a person who shares your interests, another thing to meet someone whom you would “take into intelligence.” Friendship is not just a skill of communicating with someone; In true friendship there is a special closeness and kinship of souls, from which mutual trust and devotion naturally flow.

When communicating with people, we often try on some kind of masks, play roles, experience some kind of tension and artificiality, mutual alienation. This behavior is due to the desire to gain authority from someone who is not your friend to begin with. So, a true friend is someone with whom we are ourselves, with whom we behave simply and naturally, without taking on any pompous role, without hiding our inherent weaknesses and shortcomings.

A true friend is one whose critical remark we are not afraid to accept, because we know that it will remain between us, will not come out and will not be splashed out in front of everyone we meet like the contents of a garbage can. A friend will not stab you in the back. A true friend is someone you would trust with your secrets. However, a true friend is not the one who persistently prys into all your secrets. But if your friend is real, then you yourself will share your secrets with him.

In ancient Russian wedding rites, the groom's friend prepared everything necessary for the marriage, and at the end of the marriage he accompanied the bride and groom to the wedding chambers, while he himself remained outside and guarded the door so that no one would disturb the joy of the wedding night of the married couple. A true friend does everything to make the people close to him happy.

Saint John Chrysostom, reflecting on the life of the Chief Apostolic Church, said: “Friends are dearer than fathers and sons. This is friendship when someone does not consider what is his own, but belongs to his neighbor, and considers his neighbor’s property to be alien to himself; when one protects the life of another as much as his own, and he reciprocates with the same affection.”

Thus, true friendship, as everyone probably feels, is a deep community with complete trust and frankness with each other.

But it’s not for nothing that the word “friend” itself for some reason means “other”, “other than me”? And the very essence of friendship is that my “I” expands to include another life, through which my soul is internally enriched.

The famous religious philosopher Father Pavel Florensky spoke of sincere friendship as “contemplation of oneself through a friend in God.” Friendship contains numerous gifts: mutual education, love, sacrifice, joy. The state of “without a friend,” according to the observation of Father Paul, mysteriously comes into contact with the state of “without God.” There is a sense of emptiness and insufficiency here and there.

And yet friendship is not a value in itself. After all, for the sake of friendship, they not only unselfishly helped others, but also robbed, killed, and even committed suicide - they jumped from the roof of a high-rise building so that a friend would not be bored of crashing. That is why St. Gregory the Theologian says: “No acquisition is better than a friend, but never acquire a bad person as a friend.”

Friendship is a close community between two or more people. But, alas, not only high, but also low-lying objects unite people, determining the depth and nature of mutual communication.

So, friendship is a great thing, but, above all, when God is present in friendship itself.

Here is an incident that happened during one of the psychologist’s classes. The psychologist proposed an experiment to the audience that filled the hall: “Imagine that you and I are on a ship that has developed a leak. There is a lifeboat for rescue, but there is not enough room in it for everyone. Therefore, let us now each take turns standing up and arguing why he should be accepted into the boat.” And so the visitors to the lecture, imbued with the role of the drowning, one after another began to prove: “I’m still young, I need to study in order to benefit society”; “My mother will be left completely alone, and there will be no one to take care of her”; “But I have children, and they won’t grow up without me” - everyone in their own way wanted to earn their place in the boat. But then it was the Orthodox girl’s turn: “But I don’t want to take away a place in the boat from others. I am not afraid of death because there is eternal life. And in general, let’s better pray to St. Nicholas so that he will save us.” This is something the psychologist never expected; Confused, he suddenly flared up: “You are interfering with my experiment, leave the audience.” So the Orthodox listener, who expressed the only correct answer, was forced to leave this slowly sinking lecture ship.

In fact, the psychologist wanted with his experiment to unite the gathered people for further, as it seemed to him, fruitful work. In answering, everyone had to open up to the others, and this way the audience was expected to become more coherent. But alas, he did not take into account that during the experiment one of the participants would open completely different spheres and offer a different, much more sublime way of unification.

In real life, the motives, goals and values ​​that unite people can be very different. Alcohol, crime, and debauchery are temporarily united, but only temporarily. The Babylonian pandemonium for a moment united people in their atheistic plans, but ultimately led to the loss of a common language, so that people forgot how to understand each other and, forgetting about the work they had begun, scattered throughout the heavens.

On the contrary, in the holy book of the Acts of the Apostles we read about how the Holy Spirit who descended to people transformed them and united them internally. The New Testament Pentecost is the unity of people in the grace of God, as a result of which people speaking different languages ​​learned to understand each other, because they were united in one faith and one grace-filled life.

A Christian is called to be the kind of friend who unites not only with himself, but also with God. A Christian is called to include his friends in his community and unity with God, to share this treasure with them, just as one shares a piece of bread with a hungry person or a thirsty sip of water.

The Gospel mentions one of the Savior’s miracles - the healing of his friends who was paralyzed by faith. Let us imagine the plight of this man. The body was paralyzed, and the soul probably did not have much spiritual strength. Nevertheless, the care of his loved ones for him was so persistent that they not only brought him to the place where the Lord preached, but in view of the crowds they climbed onto the roof, dismantled the roof and lowered the sick man before the Savior - so that in the Gospel we read: “Jesus , seeing their faith, says to the paralytic: child! Your sins are forgiven you” (Mark 2:5). Christ forgives the sins of the sick man according to the faith of his friends! And then, in confirmation of His words, He heals the paralytic. This is what friendship and caring for one’s neighbor can do—ask God for forgiveness of sins and complete healing for a loved one.

Unfortunately, over the years, many of our friendships have weakened. And instead of the people we loved in childhood, we are surrounded not so much by friends as by colleagues and co-workers. Only the ancient Greeks considered the commonality of two business people not friendship at all, but only an interest in the success of a common business. All communication interests are now formed around professional tasks. It turns out that “friendship is friendship, and service is service”? Probably, in some sense, it is inevitable to have your own friends at every stage of life: with some you are united by the ideas of a carefree childhood, with others by the problems of the institute, with others by the tasks of everyday work.

For a Christian, it is important to remember those with whom you were friendly and close over the previous years, to love them with all your heart and to pray to God for them from the bottom of your heart, wishing for the salvation of the soul of everyone whom the Lord placed next to you, even at your youngest age.

Giving and Receiving the Gift of Friendship

As we cling to Him and look to Him for the most complete and final friendship, we can extend love to others in imitation of how He first extended Himself to us. Biblical, Christian friendship sets an example for us in Christ and not only begins with God, but also ends with Him. God is the object in our love for others.

Keeping God as the object of our love and worship is the only way to extend our friendship to others without constantly seeking something in return and without demanding from others the fulfillment of our expectations. Friendship based on Christ will not require more of the friendship than God intended to give. In other words, we should not demand perfection from imperfect people or seek an ideal version of Christian community that is simply not possible on today's earth. Christ-centered people remember that the gift of human friendship (though it comes to us from a wonderful Giver) comes to us in the form of imperfect people who will disappoint and hurt us, just as we hurt them.

When we demand the realization of our idealistic idea of ​​​​friendship, we become selfish and selfish. Consciously or not, we begin to ask questions such as: “Who serves me? How does the church provide me with community? How do others influence me? Who is inviting me? What will this give me? Our focus moves away from the example of Christ, who came to serve, not to be served. Friendship of Christ is centered on serving others by asking how God can use us in the lives of our friends and how He can use them in our lives. We consider serving others more important than serving ourselves, trusting Jesus' words that it is more blessed to give than to receive. We also believe that initiation, service and the love of another opens the door to friendship. But we do not expect or demand a positive response.

Orthodox Life

The concept of friendship in the Orthodox tradition is based on love for one's neighbor, respect and the desire to contribute to the spiritual growth of the person we call a friend. The Holy Scripture says: “Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor: for if one falls, the other will lift up his companion. But woe to one when he falls, and there is no other to lift him up” (Eccl. 4:9,10). Accordingly, a good and faithful friend is another manifestation of the Lord’s care for a person.

But the choice of a friend, according to the teachings of the Holy Fathers of the Church, should be taken very seriously, because often our state of mind largely depends on the person who is next to us. We have prepared a selection of sayings from Athonite saints and monks about what true friendship is.

Venerable Nicodemus the Holy Mountain

“Repent of your past life, which was opposite to the life of Christ, because for you those who were friends for Him were enemies, that is, poverty and the poor, sorrows and those who mourn, reproaches and those who are reproached. You looked like the morning star, who is the prince of those who are tormented, in contrast to Christ, the Prince of those who are saved. So, change your military camp and henceforth have your former enemies as friends, and your former friends as enemies, and turn all spiritual weapons against them in order to gain victory over them.”

Venerable Paisiy Svyatogorets

“God filled people with various gifts. Just as a person sees someone else’s depravity and depravity, he can also see someone else’s virtue and imitate it.”

One day a pilgrim asked the elder how to choose friends correctly.

Paisiy Svyatogorets answered him: “If you plant a watermelon and a pumpkin next to each other, the following will happen: the pumpkin will take away all the sweetness from the watermelon and the watermelon will become tasteless and unsweetened. But a pumpkin, no matter how much sweetness it takes, will still remain a pumpkin. Therefore, if we want to have sweet and tasty watermelons, we need to plant them away from the pumpkin.”

From these words of the elder, the pilgrim understood that friends must be chosen carefully.

Venerable Porfiry Kavsokalivit

“For God’s people, distance does not exist, even if it is thousands of kilometers away. Wherever we are, we are all together. No matter how far our neighbors are, we must support them.”

“Let's feel Christ as our Friend! Indeed, He is truly our Friend. He Himself confirms this when He says: You are My friends (John 15:14). Let us look to Him and draw near to Him as a Friend.”

Monk Simeon of Athos

“Which friend is the best? Divine grace. Which friend is the worst? Bad thought."

Foundation "Orthodox Heritage of Ukraine on Holy Mount Athos"

Why do we need friends?

Finally, Christ-centered friendship is always thinking about how to point our friends to Christ and not to ourselves. John the Baptist, when many wanted to exalt his ministry and even set him up as a competitor to Jesus, said bluntly: “I am not the Christ” (John 3:28). Instead, he rejoiced in Christ as the Bridegroom and saw himself as the Bridegroom's friend.

So it is good to remind ourselves in our friendships that we are not Christ. Do we think of ourselves as some kind of savior for our friends who should have the right words, the answer to every problem and solutions for everything that is wrong in their lives? Do we expect to be revered, admired, controlled, or approved of as our friendship progresses? If we put ourselves instead of Christ in our friendship, we will destroy this friendship! We are not Christ, but we know Christ, and our goal in friendship involving Christ should always be to constantly point our friends to this perfect Friend as their true hope.

Conversations with the priest. Friendship

In the Moscow studio of our TV channel is priest Alexander Terpugov, an employee of the Synodal Department for interaction with the Armed Forces and Law Enforcement Agencies.
– Today the topic of the program is friendship. What is friendship, how does it differ from friendly relationships, acquaintance relationships, partnerships?

– In my opinion, friendly relations, and especially acquaintance, are some kind of superficial, just nascent relationships. Of course, both acquaintance and friendship can develop into friendship. Or they may not outgrow it. But, in my opinion, friendship is a kind of unity, unity in views, tastes, judgments. And of course, at the head of everything is faith.

– What does the Holy Scripture say about friendship?

– When I was preparing for the program, I read it, and it turned out that the word “friend” and its derivatives are repeated 116 times in the Bible. These references indirectly contain criteria for friendship. This is especially clear in parables. The seventeenth parable: “a friend loves at all times,” that is, to paraphrase, love does not exist in time, it does not cease. One can draw parallels here with the First Epistle to the Corinthians of St. Apostle Paul, which speaks about love. This is the main thing, it probably all comes down to it. A friend is more attached than a brother, a friend is even more faithful to a person than a relative by blood. “A friend is sweet to every friend with heartfelt advice,” that is, mercy and help to a friend are obligatory here. “Having a friend, he will come to him at midnight” - you can come to a friend at any time, and he will not kick you out. That is, these are complex relationships, especially in our modern life. The bar for friendship is so high. That’s why it’s probably rare to find true friendship these days. Of course, the most striking example here is the Gospel of John, chapter 15, verse 13: “Greater love has no one than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.”

– Here it is “for friends” - not for brothers, not for relatives.

- Yes exactly. Probably, friendship is tested precisely in some extreme situations. And it’s not for nothing that our wise people say: you need to eat a pound of salt together to understand what another person is like.

- Friend is known in trouble.

- Yes.

– Have you ever had similar situations when friendship was tested?

- Yes they were. One of them left a very vivid impression. I didn't even expect such self-sacrifice. About thirty years ago I was a professional sailor. We unloaded onto an unequipped shore. It was somewhere in the north (either on the Ob, or somewhere else). It turned out that our all-terrain vehicle sat on its belly. You probably know that in the north, when it’s cold, there is such a thing as sludge - when snow floats in the water. Our all-terrain vehicle sat on this “cushion”, so we could neither go to the ship nor return back. I was the eldest. He took a hook and crawled through this quagmire to the shore to call people and bring a cable. And suddenly my friend, friend Andryusha, followed me. It was easier for me because I had a gaff. By placing it on this slush, it was possible to somehow hold on. So he and I crawled, falling through, I tried to force him to return to the all-terrain vehicle, but he said: no, you can’t do it alone. I really appreciated it and am praying for him. True, it so happened that our paths diverged. I don't know where he is now, but I pray for him constantly.

The second time I was struck by such self-sacrifice of people was when I served as a military chaplain in the Caucasus. One battalion commander told how, as a young lieutenant and platoon commander in the first Chechen war, he pulled out wounded soldiers and carried them through a minefield. Of course, this was the highest manifestation of love. As this now lieutenant colonel said (he was several years ago, now, perhaps, he is already a colonel), he did not think that he would die, that there might be an explosion. He carried seven soldiers. The Lord showed him a miracle: when he transferred the last one, seven explosions were heard simultaneously. He had such a strengthening of faith! And at the same time, I was struck by the self-sacrifice that he showed. Nowadays this is quite rare, because times are recent, people are weak.

– Is every person capable of friendship, or are there some qualities that are incompatible with friendship?

– Probably everyone, provided that he knows you and in any case tries to show love. After all, it turns out that friendship is a manifestation of love, and necessarily sacrificial love. The Lord blessed the Apostle Paul to write that love is long-suffering, merciful, does not envy, does not boast, is not proud, does not act outrageously, and does not seek its own, that is, its own self-interest. In this case, of course, the main obstacle to friendship is, most likely, the search for self-interest when a person is looking for his own. Sometimes it happens that a person looks like ivy. There is a plant in the south that wraps around a tree. It grows nearby, feeds from it, holds on, hangs on it and ultimately destroys the tree. Probably, if we still show true love, then we will succeed if we pray and ask the Lord to strengthen us.

– Is obsession compatible with friendship?

– Obsession is one of the manifestations of one’s own self-interest. Obsession is a desire, perhaps, for communication. But on the other hand, that friend towards whom obsessiveness is manifested probably also has to be patient. Here there is a mutual movement towards each other. If a person tries to be a real Christian (you can’t do without this, without Christian qualities), then the friendship will be good.

– Obsession looks like a desire to communicate, a desire to be friends.

– The sectarians have this expression: bombard with love. When a person communicates to such an extent that he simply exhausts his interlocutor. Of course this is wrong. You need to understand: you never know if you want to communicate, try to give the person a rest, think about him. Probably then everything will work out.

– Blind friendship, like blind love, does not lead to anything good.

– What do you mean by blind friendship?

– When a person is friends and wants to communicate with a person, regardless of whether that person likes him or not, whether that person wants it or not.

- This is, of course, not friendship. After some time, such communication will fade away, because one person will run from the other. But I think this can also be overcome. At the moment, I have no one closer to you, which means I am called to love you. And if you love, it means again to be patient, to be merciful, not to be irritated, not to be outrageous. That is, all these criteria are suitable.

– Then “be patient” with the next question. There is an expression: “Plato is my friend, but the truth is dearer.” Is friendship possible between people with different beliefs?

– To what extent are different beliefs fundamental? There are cardinal ones. Let's say that friendship between an atheist and a believer is probably possible if they tolerate each other and do not touch on these topics. But still, friendship, in my opinion, necessarily implies some kind of unity, people look in the same direction.

– Suppose, if disputes arise between people, are conflicts the norm for friendship, or if there is a conflict, does this mean that the friendship is not strong and does not exist?

– Between friends, of course, there are some disagreements, there are grievances, misunderstandings. But we need to sit down and discuss them. This time. And secondly, if there is a conflict, then you probably need to get away from it, because everything again comes down to the same thing. You need to be patient, because patience is the most important thing. That is, it is a mutual process in which everyone improves themselves. And then everything will be exactly as it should be.

– If a person experiences negative influence from a friend or boyfriend, should the friendship continue?

- What do you have in mind?

– Maybe a friendship began at school, and after school one of the friends began to go to church and realized that there was a difference in views, tastes, and even began to experience some kind of negative influence from his friend.

- Yes, I understood the question. You know, every believer (at least in my example) experiences some kind of re-evaluation, revision in the perception of friends and those with whom he will communicate in the future. After all, as soon as a person comes to faith, he tries to be not of this world. And since he is not of this world, he begins to irritate down-to-earth, worldly people - by trying to be better, trying to put up, love, give alms, forgive. Of course it's annoying. For example, my environment changed a lot after I became a believer. But I don’t think it’s bad, because I feel better, more comfortable with those people...

It's not even about comfort. You can communicate if you see that it will benefit the person. Let’s say, if you can help a non-believer with something, then it’s probably worth being friends. But if you see that this is useless or you are simply not ready to bear the cross at the moment (after all, it is a difficult cross to communicate with a person who does not understand you, maybe constantly mocks you, not in words, but with facial expressions trying to somehow pinch or bite ), - this is no longer friendship, because there is no love here. Exaltation and arrogance begin, because a person considers himself better, and if he is better, then friendship will no longer work. This is the road towards each other.

– Is friendship out of compassion possible? Let's say a lonely person has no friends, and another begins to be friends with him, not because they have common views or some guidelines, but simply because he wants to help this person not to be alone. Is this friendship or not?

- Of course, this can probably grow into friendship, because a person sacrifices himself. Love, if it is sacrificial, is, of course, positive. Recently a brother said that it was very much like a family relationship. In fact, this is exactly the case. Friendship is like family relationships without family relationships. Otherwise the criteria are the same.

– That is, healthy family relationships are born and grow precisely from friendship?

- Yes.

– Is friendship possible between a woman and a man?

– Among the saints, it’s probably possible. But, unfortunately, I don’t think that given our current fallen spiritual state, this is possible for others; it’s unlikely that confessors bless such friendship. In any case, it’s a rare person who can be friends without showing any excesses, so to speak.

– What is considered excess?

– Friendship, unfortunately, can develop into some kind of infatuation with a person. Both men and women can be susceptible to this. The friendship will end. It can even be harmful. If a person suddenly felt that his interlocutor, friend, classmate or classmate was becoming closer, then perhaps this is obviously wrong if, in legal terms, he has some kind of responsibility to third parties. Then it is better to end such a relationship so as not to be tempted.

– And if there is no such responsibility, perhaps this friendship can develop into another feeling...

– Most likely she will outgrow it. Therefore, I am quite skeptical about friendship between a man and a woman.

– There is an expression: “Tell me who your friend is, and I will tell you who you are.” Is it always fair?

- Yes, of course, because the Scripture says: if you are with the venerable one, the venerable one, you will be chosen with the chosen one. Well, with the obstinate you will be corrupted. This has already been said many thousands of years before us, so everything remains valid.

– To become a reverend with reverends, you should strive for such communication, for such friendship. But if the reverends do not want to communicate with such a person, what should they do?

- The reverends want it. St. Seraphim of Sarov said: “My joy!” - this means that he loved all people so much that even in a greeting he showed this love, which covered everything.

– Such friendship changes a person.

- Of course, it changes and settles it. When there is love, it does not have any gender characteristics; it can be for an old man, or for a child, or for a grandmother or grandfather, or for a brother or a sister, and this does not necessarily mean family relationships. It's the same feeling. But some nuances are added, for example, to family life. True, now the word “love” has been vulgarized, but in fact it is a feeling that never ceases, as the Lord said through the Apostle Paul.

– Is friendship possible between people of different nationalities and different mentalities?

– I think it’s possible. The Cossacks have a very good tradition. Let’s say they took kunaks, that is, close friends, brothers-in-arms from Islam (this was the case in the Caucasus), and quite strong relationships arose. If a person has the same criteria as you, regardless of whether the person is Orthodox, he can be of the same moral purity as an Orthodox, and maybe even higher. This happens. There are quite a lot of churches in our parish, and one of them has an Uzbek guard. He is a very decent person, you can trust him with everything. Plus, he shows such miracles of love and thoroughness, hard work that you are simply surprised and happy looking at such people.

– Are living conditions in a modern metropolis conducive to friendship?

– Why do Muscovites often get bad reviews? Because life is very busy and fleeting, people spend a lot of time on transport and therefore get very tired. In order to somehow preserve their own “I,” they try to communicate less and show some restraint. This is especially noticed by people who live in the provinces. They are more open there. In fact, the Lord invites us to turn to Him in prayer in all difficulties. When we communicate with God, everything goes quickly for us, and we also recover. This does not mean that we should not waste. On the contrary, we must give our love to everyone who needs it, and the Lord will reward us a hundredfold - both love, and the time we spent on the person, and our efforts, and material resources as well. He will reward everything, because He is waiting for us and loves us very much. Not a single parent, not a single mother loves her child as much as the Lord loves us.

– Does the comfort of modern life contribute to friendship, or is it promoted by extreme, difficult living conditions?

– I spent most of my life in the Far North. It so happened that I was a sailor all my youth and spent it in the North. All the hardships we experienced there purified our friendship. A bad person is immediately visible there. He is forced to change. This applies to combat operations, war, and some extreme types of work activity. They are all the same, and the person becomes better there. He is forced to accept the conditions (this is mutual assistance, help, mercy), regardless of the costs of wasting himself. This is inevitable, because one cannot survive in those conditions, which is why people there seem better at first glance. But in reality... If you look in the East, people are good. There are good ones in the North too. It doesn’t seem like much in the South, but if you go into the temple, you will see the same familiar eyes as in the North, South and East. Everywhere.

– Does the spread of social networks contribute to true friendship?

– In my opinion, this pastime is now big business for those who invent all this. This is an attempt at replacement. Firstly, you can register there under someone else's name. You can create yourself and do whatever you want. This implies that the responsibility is not the same as in direct communication. Therefore, there is practically no communication. Young people are hooked on it like a drug, but I don’t think there is anything good here. Although my confessor writes a blog and is present on social networks. I'm not ready for this. I'm not on social networks.

– That is, an effect arises: people create facades for themselves and communicate not with their souls, but with these artificial facades?

- Yes exactly. This is a kind of sign that a person either comes up with for himself or wants to look like that. But in reality it can be completely different. We often see the consequences of such communication on social networks; they appear in crime reports and result in many troubles.

– Is it healthy for a person to have no friends at all?

– If a person has very high criteria, then probably...What does friend mean? Mostly, of course, people make friends in their youth, because a person himself is more open, less cautious, and has less negative experience of getting into unpleasant situations. Accordingly, he begins to make friends with pleasure, openly, sincerely, and then whether it works out or not. That's why we love our childhood friends very much. True, when you come across them many years later, it turns out that you love the memory, and not the person himself, because he has already changed a lot. This is some kind of illusion.

– Is friendship possible based on vicious hobbies?

– Of course, it’s possible. Probably possible. But what does friendship mean? Friendship means love. Most likely, such a relationship cannot be called friendship; it could be some kind of community of people, a criminal duo, a trio or a quartet. But of course there is no friendship here, because there is no love. There are coinciding interests. But there is no love. And the main criterion, as it is written in Scripture (you and I didn’t say this), is necessarily love.

– How to test friendship – is it real or not? In addition to “pushing a guy to the mountains, taking a risk,” what other ways are there to check whether this is not an illusion, whether it is an attachment under which there is no love and friendship?

“Unfortunately, in order to quickly check, you probably need to go into the mountains or underground.

- Or to the North.

- Or to the North! Or fall into one trench. In other words, you probably need to eat a pound of salt. Can you imagine sixteen kilograms of salt? You can calculate how many years you need to be friends in order to understand what a person is like.

– By a pound of salt, we probably mean the bitterness of life, that is, to take a sip of bitterness together; maybe salt is here in a figurative sense, not only as a product, but as the bitterness of losses experienced together?

- Well, yes, most likely. Yes, we can talk about joy... Although, sometimes a person is jealous, then the joy of a friend is not a joy to him. But basically, of course, friends become known faster in grief. When people come to you and support you, it’s worth a lot. I think friends show up more often in grief, because you have to share yourself, your emotions, your time. You must have compassion. If you have compassion, it means you love. If you regret, you love too. In Church Slavonic, the words “to love” and “to regret” are synonyms.

– Isn’t pity a humiliating feeling?

– Now the word “pity”, of course, has lost its ancient meaning of “love”, but it still probably has such a connotation. Pity is still compassion, and since compassion, then love. It may not be fully love, but it will already be a positive feeling.

– So in ancient times pity was understood as compassion?

- To regret is to love.

– And now pity has a connotation of disdain; to feel sorry is to show condescension.

– Yes, there are probably many words now that have lost their original meaning and acquired a different connotation. But again, if you love, you don’t become arrogant. If you love, it means you are open; there can be no exaltation in a loving person.

– They even say that pity seems to humiliate a person. “Don’t feel sorry for me! » …

- No, most likely, this is some kind of pride - “don’t touch me.” Perhaps then we can understand Judas, who hanged himself. He did not go to ask the Lord for forgiveness. He didn’t want any pity, he thought that what he had done was wrong, and since he did it wrong, he disposed of it himself and hanged himself.

– The sin of Judas is betrayal. Is friendship possible after betrayal?

– What do you mean by betrayal? Everything, of course, depends on the action. Remember when Peter asked the Lord: “How many times should I forgive? Three, five? - The Lord said: “Seventy-seven times seven.” That is, forgive forever. If a person came, if he repented, then you are obliged to forgive.

– What if you don’t repent?

– And if you haven’t repented, then what kind of forgiveness are we talking about? Why forgive him then? You shouldn't hold a grudge. If, for example, a person does not repent of what he has done, will you go and tell him: “I forgive you”? In general, yes, so that you don’t hold a grudge against him. You see, you need to watch. The Lord says: “It was from Me.” Remember this spiritual instruction of Seraphim Vyritsky?

- Remind please.

- “It was from Me” - no matter what happens to us, everything happens one way or another from God. And if such a situation arises, let’s say in friendship, it means that the Lord is testing you once again: can you endure and forgive? Therefore, of course, we must forgive.

– They say that not everyone and not always needs to be forgiven.

- No, the Lord said that blasphemy against the Holy Spirit is not forgiven. And the rest... There are many beautiful subtleties here: they say, I personally forgive my enemy, but not the enemy of the Fatherland. I think that we need to try to live according to the commandments, to fully imitate Christ. Even if something happened, pray for the person and ask: “Lord, don’t blame him, he doesn’t know what he’s doing.”

– There is a modern word “tolerance”. What is this translated into Russian - friendship, understanding?

– Most likely, this is a kind of tolerance, but recently this word has been used in combination with “religious tolerance” - tolerance towards other faiths. But let’s say I don’t like this word.

– It is non-Russian, unusual for the Russian language.

– The point is that you need to try to see the image of God in a person. For us Muscovites, there is a serious irritant - everyone notices that there are a lot of visitors here who are different from us (in hair color, in their behavior). We need to learn to be more tolerant. Because the whole reason is that our wives do not give birth to as many children as theirs. My abbot jokes darkly that Islam is our future. Given the current state of affairs and the attitude towards abortion of the majority of our people, of course, Islam is our future.

- Yes, it's sad…

– Plus, they also need to be treated with love, because, firstly, they are the same children of God, the Lord loves them in the same way. In addition, if they convert to Orthodoxy, they are sometimes killed among themselves for this. What if you and I are not Christians, and they immediately receive the crown of martyrdom? We probably need to think about this more often - and then, perhaps, our attitude towards them will change.

– Is it normal if a person has enemies (even though the person tries to love and forgive everyone)?

- Probably okay. After all, the person is alive. We live in a world where there is anger. It is clear that she is from the devil, but she exists. And since there is anger, it means there are enemies who hate.

I was on the subway now. The young man, most likely a representative of the Orthodox, spat to the side at the sight of the priest. In Israel I saw this often. True, I must say, I was surprised here: I saw this for the first time. Maybe he is a student or from a family like that...

- Orthodox.

– Yes, Jewish Orthodox.

– If a person is friends with someone and tries to do something for his friend, but does not receive reciprocity, is this normal? How should he react? Should we even seek reciprocity in friendship?

– Everything again depends on how much you carry your cross, how patient you are and how hard you try... You see, love is sacrificial. That's right - this is when you try to help a person without hoping for reciprocity. Then everything is as it should be, because we should not expect any rewards. On the contrary, if we do not receive a reward on earth, then our reward is in heaven, which is much more valuable and very important for us in the future.

– One more question at the end of our program: what is the most important thing in friendship?

– In a word, love. Sacrificial love. If she is sacrificial, then everything is fine.

Host Denis Beresnev Recorded by Margarita Popova

Be friendly

For this lesson you will need cookies.

The main truth: God wants you to be friendly!

Introduction (Scene - Looking for a friend) You will need a sheet of paper and a pen. Vova comes onto the stage and writes something. Vova: So... I need a good friend. No, not like that - I'm looking for a good friend... I'm looking for a good friend with a good bike, or with rollerblades or.... Dima appears. Dima: Hello Vova. Vova: Hello Dima. Dima: What are you writing? Vova: I’m writing an ad in the newspaper. Dima: Ad in the newspaper? Which? Vova: Listen: - I'm looking for a good friend. Dima: Aren’t I your friend? Vova: You are Dima’s friend, of course, but you have neither a bicycle nor roller skates. But listen to what I’m writing: I’m looking for a good friend with a good bicycle, or rollerblades, or at least a console. Those who have it, call me, Vova on 51 67 83. How's that? Dima: No way. Sorry Vova, I thought I was your friend. But apparently I was wrong. Bye. Vova: Somewhat strange. He took it and left. I don’t understand why he was offended? Oh, okay. I'll find myself a new friend with a bike and roller skates. Linking sentence : Perhaps you are thinking: - How can I find a true friend? Story:

Faithful friends of Mark 2ch. 1st verse:

In one city there lived a man, he was sick and could not walk, sit, or stand. He was relaxed. Nowadays this disease is called paralysis. But this man was not alone. He had friends. Even though he was sick, they were still friends with him, they were true friends. (Explain the word faithful.) Sentence - link: perhaps you are thinking, how can I find a true friend? Application 1 : You went out into the yard with a ball, a boy from the yard comes up to you and says: “Let’s be friends, let’s play with the ball.” And you tell him: “This is my ball, I don’t give it to anyone.” The boy will think: “What a greedy guy, I won’t be friends with him.” This way you won't make friends. After all, God wants you to be friendly! Ask how children understand the word friendly. If necessary, explain this word. If you share toys, then they will be friends with you.

You can help a friend:

Somehow, friends of a sick person learned one way to help their sick friend. They had to put him on a stretcher and carry his sick friend around the city, they were hot, they walked! After all, there were no cars then. It was very difficult for them to carry an adult, but they really wanted their friend to be healthy, because they were his true friends. God wants you to be friendly! Application 2 : In the Bible in the book of Proverbs 18:24 one piece of advice is written: He who wants to have friends must himself be friendly. You can be friendly if you share your cookies with someone. At this point, give each child a cookie and encourage them to share it among themselves. If you are friendly, then they will be friends with you. After all, God wants you to be friendly!

It turned out there was no room!? Verse 3-4:

And finally, when friends brought the patient to the house, it turned out that there were already a lot of people there, and it was impossible to go there! What to do? “Friends said that we walked so much, carried a sick person, and now we can’t go there?!” And then they got an idea. But you can dismantle the roof and lower a stretcher with a patient! So they did. Do you know who was there? Jesus was there, when He saw what the sick man’s friends had done, he turned to the sick man: “Your sins are forgiven, get up, take your bed and go to your house.” And suddenly the patient got up, took his bed and was able to walk, can you imagine! He became healthy! All the people around were surprised! And the friends were very happy, because their friend would now be healthy! Application 3 : But to have real true friends, you also need to be a true friend. If your classmate was bought a console, and therefore your friend leaves you and is only friends with him. Will this be true? True friends should forgive each other, be faithful and constant in their friendship. Remember that God wants you to be friendly? Decision making: Give each child some paper and pencils and have them draw their enemies, i.e. those with whom they quarreled, etc. When they draw, invite them to pray for their enemies - enemies of God, remind GI: God wants you to be friendly! Next week, try to be friendly, and then tell me how it worked out for you.

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31.10.19, 22:41

Charlesspela

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