The ancient, and therefore somewhat mysterious, word “adultery” is used to describe one of the deadly sins .
He is mortal because a person who has received an immortal soul as a gift from God, committing the heaviest of existing sins, alienates it from the Creator and thereby dooms it to death, to the impossibility of salvation.
What is the actual meaning of the word “adultery”, what kind of sin is it? In Orthodoxy, this is an extramarital love affair , a violation of marital fidelity, an analogue of the modern concept of “adultery.”
What is the difference between adultery and fornication
In its “classical” form, so to speak, adultery is considered to be fornication between a man and a woman, if at least one of the fornicators is legally married to another, let’s say, sexual partner. This sin differs from fornication, in which both fornicators are not married to anyone.
Adultery is, of course, a more serious sin than fornication for at least two reasons. Firstly, it steals someone else's honor and, often, destroys both someone else's and one's own family. And, secondly, an adulterer or an adulteress does not have the usual justification for those who commit adultery, they say, “passion has overcome me.” Because, unlike the latter, they can legally satisfy this sexual passion of theirs in marriage with their legal spouse.
Likewise, the prophet Nathan, who denounced King David for his adulterous relationship with Uriah’s wife, gave him the example of a thief who, having a whole flock of his own sheep (a hint at David’s legal wives), steals his neighbor’s only sheep.
Adultery is a deliberate crime
If many sins are committed instantly and thoughtlessly, forcing a person to almost immediately regret his action, then adultery requires time and preparation. It is terrible precisely because of the obvious consciousness and intentionality with which it is committed.
St. Basil the Great in “Discourses on Psalms” says that “fornication ignites first in the soul of a sensualist, and then produces bodily corruption.”
If you do not eliminate the unclean thought at the very beginning, then it will become increasingly difficult to resist temptation and the sin will turn from mental into real. Therefore, it is important for an Orthodox Christian to control his thoughts and desires. It is necessary to avoid immodest views of people of the opposite sex. But one should also refrain from excesses in food and idleness, which relax the body and give free rein to the passions.
Patriarch Kirill of Moscow and All Rus' said in one of his sermons that “intemperate satiation of the flesh destroys health and provokes other passions, primarily the one that is associated with gluttony, namely the passion for fornication.”
Seventh Commandment of God's Law
Therefore, this sin is condemned and prohibited by the Law of Moses, the 7th commandment of which succinctly, but very meaningfully, says: “Thou shalt not commit adultery.” Christ greatly expands the scope of this commandment:
“But I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for the guilt of fornication, gives her a reason to commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery” (Matt. 5:32; 19:9).
Therefore, according to the Orthodox canons (7th canon of St. Basil the Great), adulterers are subject to penance of 15 years of excommunication from the Church. However, it can be reduced to 7 years if those who sinned during this period repent with tears.
Useful materials
However, it must be said that the above “classical” definition of adultery in our extremely prodigal times is significantly “outdated.” This is also partly taken into account by the canonical rules of the Orthodox Church. Thus, the 4th rule of St. Gregory of Nyssa classifies bestiality and sodomy as adultery. However, now this is not enough, since now there are other, extremely perverted forms of adultery, for example, the so-called swinging.
Christian marriage in Orthodoxy
But this will be discussed in more detail below. In the meantime, a few words need to be said about what is opposite to the sin being studied, allows it to be avoided and protects against it, i.e. about Christian marriage. By which in Orthodoxy is meant the legal union of a man and a woman, blessed by God through the Sacrament of the same name, with the goal of:
- childbearing and good parenting;
- protecting husband and wife from all forms of fornication;
- mutual assistance of spouses.
Generally speaking, marriage between Orthodox Christians presupposes the presence of not just carnal, but relationships that are one of the forms or manifestations, a reflection of God’s love between Christian spouses. And if the love of the groom of Christ and His Bride - the Church (cf. Rev. 19: 7-9) in the biblical Book of Song of Songs is depicted in the form of love between a man and a woman, then it is obvious that such love exists and is something, yes costs!
And there were many examples of this in ancient times; I especially like the lives of Galaktion and Epistima. The first was a true Christian who wanted to preserve the virtue of virginity. But according to the will of his parents, he had to marry Epistima, who was still in paganism. Because of this, the groom did not even want to greet his bride with a regular kiss.
And the following dialogue takes place between them: “Galaktion went to the girl and told her in private:
- Epistima! Do you know why I don't greet you with a kiss?
She answered:
“I don’t know, my lord, and I’m very sad about it.”
Galaktion said:
“Since you are not a Christian and are defiled by an unclean pagan faith, I do not want to touch your uncleanness, so as not to offend the Spirit of God; but if you want to acquire my love, renounce idols, believe in God, in Whom I believe, and receive holy baptism: then I will give you a kiss, I will love you as myself, I will call you my wife, and we will live in love until the end. inseparably.
Epistima replied:
“I will do everything you command, my lord: I believe in your God and want to be baptized.”
He said:
“Okay, wise maiden, now I truly begin to love you.” But since there is no one who could baptize you, for Christian piety was subjected to fierce persecution, and the elders and clergy were killed, others fled into the desert, then I need to baptize you myself.”
Let us note how amazingly here the love of God is combined with marital love! Moreover. Galaktion persuaded his betrothed to mutually preserve her virginity:
“Give me your word right now,” said Galaktion, “that you will preserve your virginity and together with me you will take on a monastic image, and I will not be separated from you either in this century or in the future.
Epistima made the promise he required, saying:
“Just as I immutably believe in our Lord Jesus Christ, so I promise you to fulfill your desire, and I will follow you wherever you go.”
After which both, leaving home, accepted monasticism. After some time, another persecution from the pagans came, and the tormentors captured Galaktion. Then his beloved and loving betrothed Epistima courageously followed him. When the deaconess tried to keep her from doing this, in response she uttered the following words, breathing with the love of both God and marriage:
“I cannot live without Galaktion,” Epistima said to this, “through him I recognized Christ, my true and humane God, with his hands I was washed in the water of baptism from pagan impurity, he directed me to the path of salvation and brought me into this monastic image and to your holy monastery, his prayers helped me in all my needs, he is my betrothed, and brother, and teacher, and father in God, and the guardian of my virginity, and I cannot be separated from him either in this century or in the future , but I will go and die with him.
If he lays down his life for the True God, I will lay down mine; let his blood be shed along with mine for the Creator of all - I will go with him and stand before the throne of the King of glory, Whom I saw in a dream and Who crowned us together... Let me go, lady, let me go and pray for me!”
The memory of these martyred spouses is November 5/18. And who dares to say that their love, in which there was no sexual relations, is lower than the current Western, and now our pathetic sex! But that was in ancient times.
And now many young people, sometimes even from Orthodox families, mistakenly consider marriage to be some kind of experienced continuation of a porn film. Therefore, in order to speak in a language understandable to our people, I will have to focus on this aspect. Which, however, is logical on the topic of adultery. Because the latter, in fact, consists of illicit sexual relations.
And here you should immediately notice a curious thing. When people talk about Christian marriage in current secular literature or the media, they usually say that it is intended only for procreation. Therefore, the Church allegedly “prohibits spouses in it from enjoying carnal pleasures.” Which, of course, is not only a lie, but also utter stupidity.
The Orthodox Church does not prohibit anything like this, and cannot prohibit anything that a husband and wife, when trying to conceive a child, will certainly receive in any case. On the contrary, this natural receipt of sexual satisfaction precisely in marriage, and not in fornication, is precisely what should keep Christians, and other people, from the latter, i.e. must fulfill the second purpose of marriage.
Prayer against fornication and adultery
You can read Psalm 102 or at least repeat a short excerpt from it:
“Bless the Lord, my soul, and do not forget all His benefits. He forgives all your iniquities, He heals all your illnesses; delivers your life from the grave, crowns you with mercy and bounties.”
Or you can learn this prayer:
“O great servant of Christ, Venerable Mother Mary! Hear the unworthy prayer of us sinners (names), deliver us, reverend mother, from the passions that war on our souls, from all sorrow and adversity, from sudden death and from all evil, at the hour of separation of the soul from the body, cast away, holy saint , every evil thought and crafty demons, for may our souls be received in peace into a place of light by Christ the Lord our God, for from Him is the cleansing of sins, and He is the salvation of our souls, to Him belongs all glory, honor and worship, with the Father and the Holy Spirit , now and ever and unto ages of ages.”
By the way, this prayer is an appeal to St. Mary of Egypt, who was a harlot in her youth, but then realized the baseness of her life and, through deeds that truly exceeded human capabilities, atoned for the sins she had committed through prayer and fasting.
Fornication and others like them can lead to a chain of new sins . The consequences of prodigal sins, in addition to lies, can be slander and gossip, bitterness and hatred, often murders out of jealousy and abortions - infanticide.
And you can avoid falling into this terrible vice by removing from your character the very inclination to such sin, avoiding tempting entertainment and idleness, and changing your attitude towards temptations. But the most important thing is to remember the Last Judgment and its possible consequences for yourself and call upon God’s help in the fight against sin.
What is the reason for cheating
So why doesn't it fulfill; Why are there so many cases of adultery now? The answer to this question for all secularists, from serious sexologists and other specialists to porn films and porn stories, is the same - spouses become bored, fed up with each other, they are tired of “boring” marital relationships, and one of them or even both go “to the left”.
We can partly agree with this. But let's see what current civilization in the sense of culture (of course, Western) offers as a means against this satiety. Moreover, these means are imposed on us, the Russian people.
And you don't have to go far. For example, the famous Russian-language information portal Rambler at one time was more like a pornographic information portal, endlessly reporting on the delights of more and more new porn actresses, as well as giving various porn advice about the intimate life of spouses.
What was so proposed against the above-mentioned eating? “The first thing is to diversify the spouses’ sex life, using, in addition to the usual types of sex, others, especially oral and anal.” The first of them was at one time even directly demanded from both men and women.
Not to mention the impurity of such advice, from the standpoint of Christian ethics, the fallacy of this method of “treatment” lies in the fact that if you use these types of sex, then over time they too will become boring. And our corrupt nature will demand something even more special.
To this end, the demons of fornication who corrupt us and their minions in the media and other places, and even in the same Rambler, have the following “good” advice: for example, “try a threesome.” And it’s funny how they expose themselves without noticing it.
This same real story was published on the same mentioned portal. The wife of some wealthy businessman decided to give him an “unusual gift” for his birthday. Hired an elite prostitute for a threesome...
This story ended with the fact that three days later the businessman left his wife, divorced her and married this very same, but already former prostitute. Now they have a wonderful family, two or three children, and the abandoned ex-fool wife sits on beans and sucks her paw in grief... That’s how such stories always end miserably! That's why this shit didn't really catch on with us.
However, in the West the swinger movement is flourishing. There, couples exchange spouses, while having sex, often in front of each other. Or, what’s even “better”, they arrange dump orgies of many married couples, where everyone has someone else’s wife, “kindly” giving theirs to others. There are other, even more disgusting perversions that they are strenuously trying to impose on us...
This is, of course, another manifestation of Western Sodom. It is all the more absurd from an ethical point of view that here they are trying to treat marriage, and “eradicate” adultery with a much more perverted... adultery! Obviously, the Western “wise men” listened to the devil’s advice, which, mocking their hopeless moral stupidity, consists of the primitive: “Drop it, otherwise you’ll drop it!”
This is interesting: Why God destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah
The cure for infidelity
But stop writing about these abominations! What does Christian civilization, Orthodox ethics and the Sacrament of marriage offer instead of all these abominations of Western, so to speak, “culture”? A completely logical thing.
Interesting fact
After all, if infidelity in marriage occurs due to the satiety of the spouses, i.e. due to intemperance in married life, then the latter should be treated with ABSTINENCE. And not even greater and perverted intemperance, as Western “culture” advises, or rather, their complete moral lack of culture.
Therefore, it is quite reasonable that the canons of the Orthodox Church prescribe such abstinence from carnal pleasures to Orthodox spouses. Therefore, the church calendar contains quite a lot of days when believing husbands and wives must abstain from sexual relations. The most significant and difficult to implement are the ban on this during long fasts: Great Lent; Filippov (Rozhdestvensky); Uspensky and Petrov.
Fasting has various pious purposes, but one of the main ones is to teach the Orthodox a certain asceticism. And just as with intemperate consumption of fasting food, it becomes boring and boring, but after fasting from it it again becomes tasty and desirable, especially during breaking the fast, so it is with spouses who have labored well in fasting. Which, in due time, resolving their fast in carnal relations, again resemble the bride and groom on their first wedding night. This is the most radical remedy against all betrayals and adulteries.
However, in our depraved times, not everyone can withstand such long-term fasting abstinence, especially for young people. How to be? For such, the measure of removal from carnal intercourse should be: on the one hand, their ability to abstain, if not the entire fast, then at least some part of it; and on the other hand, there is a danger of falling into fornication, including masturbation.
Indeed, complete non-observance of fasting in intimate relationships is also dangerous. Which, among other things harmful to the soul, sooner or later will certainly lead the spouses to the aforementioned satiety with each other, and this, in turn, can push them to adultery. But excessive abstinence from these relationships through fasting is also dangerous, which in turn can push spouses towards fornication (most often this happens to the husband; and most often through hand fornication).
This disaster can be avoided by reasonable abstinence of the spouses, i.e. one that is according to their spiritual strength. If they can no longer do it, and at least one of the spouses is threatened by the above-mentioned fall into fornication, then the fast must be allowed and they must remain together. As the Apostle Paul advises:
“What you wrote to me about is that it is good for a man not to touch a woman. But, in order to avoid fornication, each have his own wife, and each have his own husband. The husband show his wife due favor; likewise is a wife to her husband. The wife has no power over her body, but the husband does; Likewise, the husband has no power over his body, but the wife does. Do not depart from each other, except by consent, for a time, to practice fasting and prayer, and then be together again, so that Satan does not tempt you through your intemperance” (1 Cor. 7: 1-5).
Of course, such violations or permissions due to the need for fasting should be repented in confession, for this is a sin. However, the sin is less than if one of the spouses fell into fornication due to excessive asceticism. And the measure of such Lenten abstinence should be the Christian conscience of the spouses. And if they constantly strive in this way, then their spiritual strength and ability to abstain will constantly grow. So over time they will learn to fully observe all long fasts in all their aspects.
A couple more tips on this matter. The most suitable for full observance by young spouses is the Assumption Fast. Firstly, it is the shortest - only two weeks. Secondly, abstinence in food there is as strict as during Great Lent, and this pacifies passion. For it is usual for a saturated and especially an oversaturated belly to excite what is below it.
The most difficult in the sense of carnal abstinence is Peter's Fast, especially when it is very long. Here, too, greater variety is allowed in food; and it happens in the summer, when in the heat people walk half naked, especially on the beaches. And all this inflames the flesh...
Enough about this. Anyone who wishes can read this in more detail in my publication “On the Sacrament of Marriage” on this site in the “This is Interesting” section. Now a few words about other, non-sexual reasons for infidelity, adultery and divorce, which are also one of the types of adultery (cf. Matt. 5:32; 19:9).
Of course, there are such reasons: mismatch of characters, habits, everyday problems, etc. But it is quite obvious that believing spouses experience all this much more courageously and more easily than non-believers. Therefore, the former have much less betrayal than the latter.
How is it different from fornication?
Our immoral age has given rise to many questions. In particular, priests often admit that many of the young parishioners do not consider premarital intimate relationships a sin at all: what, they say, is sinful here - we love each other, everything happens by mutual consent, without deceiving someone else. After all, adultery is when you cheat on your husband or wife.
To deal with this, it makes sense to remember what sin is in general. Sin is everything that is classified as non-compliance, or even trampling, of the laws of spiritual life, simply put, lawlessness. And this threatens disaster, self-destruction. Nothing lasting in life can be created if the foundation lies in error, sin.
We must understand that the sin in question lies not only in the fact of betrayal, but even in unclean thoughts and corresponding behavior. Here we can already talk about the sin of fornication.
Fornication and adultery - what's the difference, what does the Bible say? If we have already mostly dealt with the first, then the second, in short, represents the physical intimacy of persons who are not bound by the bonds of legal marriage and indulge in carnal pleasures . Thus, the meaning of this phenomenon is broader. But it would be even more accurate to call fornication a “type” of fornication.
A person may be single, but his natural physiological needs persistently dictate to achieve his goal in any way, and he tries to veil his fornication with a “civil marriage”, that is, in other words, cohabitation. And then suddenly he or she sees a more worthy “object” of sexual attention, and the “temporary family” falls apart as easily as it was created.
Marriage, in addition to a love affair, is also a unity of souls.
A person can only be truly happy in marriage, since it is not only physical, but also spiritual intimacy, unity, love and mutual trust of loved ones.
Speaking about fornication, it is appropriate to remember that this is the “native” sin of prostitutes, homosexuals, lesbians, people who have intimate relationships with close relatives - this type of fornication is called incest, and other sexual perverts.
In another way, fornication can be called immorality, debauchery, the extreme degree of human depravity.
To understand how serious this sin is, it is worth remembering the Apostle Paul’s definition of man as “the temple of the Holy Spirit.” And if this person lives by prodigal passions, corrupts the body - his own and that of his sexual partner, then he desecrates this holy temple; as it is now customary to say, commits an act of vandalism in relation to the shrine, i.e. by and large rebels against what God has established regarding each of us, against His order and harmony.
Is it a sin to date a married man or a married woman?
Let's consider a few more questions on this topic. They ask: “Is it a sin to date a married man or a married woman?” Answer: depending on what type of meetings these are. If this is friendly communication, for example, with a former classmate, or business meetings, etc., then there is no sin here.
But as soon as at least one of those meeting has a sexual attraction to another, this is already a sin. Therefore, such communication must be stopped immediately. Otherwise, developing sinfully, it will sooner or later turn into classic adultery.
What to do if you fall in love with a person who is already married?
Question: “What to do if you fall in love with a person who is already married”? Similar to the above, you should stop all meetings with this person and cut off all contact with him. Otherwise, everything will most likely end in adultery, and this will be very bad and disgusting for both!
How to repent of cheating on your husband or wife and what penance is imposed on the sinner?
Question: “How to repent of cheating on your husband or wife”? Answer: in the same way as they repent of other sins - in an Orthodox church in confession before a priest. And in this case, the confessor, according to church canons, can and should impose one or another penance on the sinner.
Considering the general depravity and the increased influence of the spirit of fornication in the world, for example, I do not impose on such people the required 15 years of excommunication from communion, but I still excommunicate them for a much shorter time.
Here the question remains open about the forgiveness of the sinner by the other spouse. They must decide this among themselves. Repentance in confession does not at all imply the revelation of this sin of one spouse to the other. Sometimes it's better to leave it in the dark. However, I repeat, this is a family matter.
How to Pray for Forgiveness
Question: “How to pray for forgiveness of this sin”? Answer: at the end of the evening prayers of the Prayer Book there is a “Confession of Everyday Sins.” You can ask God for forgiveness of this sin in this way every evening. In addition, for this you can regularly read any prayers of repentance, for example, the canon of the same name or the 50th Psalm. And so that one of the spouses does not cheat, the other must pray to the holy martyrs Guria, Samon and Aviv, for they are the patrons of Christian marriage.
But the main thing here is that once he has sinned and repented of this, he must forever stop doing this vile and disgusting sin, because otherwise it will all end very badly!
Previously, adultery was punishable by criminal law. Now, unfortunately, this is not the case. But anyone who likes to watch various detective stories may notice that one of the main reasons that pushes people to commit serious crimes is the infidelity of one of the spouses. Either a husband cheats on a wife who has gone on a spree, or the wife of an unfaithful husband... This is what adultery can lead to! Therefore, they should be avoided in any case!!!
What are the consequences and punishment
In the First Epistle to the Corinthians, the Apostle Paul warns fornicators and idolaters, adulterers, sex workers and homosexuals that they will not inherit the Kingdom of God. Figuratively speaking, this is the death of the soul. So is there no way out? The words of the apostle can be continued: if they do not bring sincere repentance and do not break with sinful life.
Centuries ago, adulterers were severely punished.
It must be said that in the times described in the Old Testament, the adulterer was put to death. And the New Testament testifies to how the Pharisees were going to stone a woman caught in adultery.
According to modern church canons, those who fall into the sin of fornication are also punished very strictly. No, they are not executed, but they are excommunicated from communion for a long time , which for a believer is almost comparable to physical execution. And before that they must repent and undergo penance - this is the name of the church’s moral and corrective measure for repentant sinners.
It can be expressed by fasts, prayers, acts of mercy, and a certain number of bows prescribed by the confessor. The priest can decide what penance will look like specifically for the prodigal sin of a particular person.
However, despite all the strictness, one should always remember that the Kingdom of Heaven is open to everyone. Christianity is not called the religion of resurrection for nothing. Throughout its history, individuals arose who sinned once and led a dissolute life, who, having repented and been spiritually healed, were even numbered among the host of saints for their exploits.
Saint John Chrysostom spoke very well about the path to salvation, noting that the resurrection, which serves as the beginning of the future for each of us, lies in the fact that when a fornicator becomes chaste, a covetous person turns into a merciful person, and a cruel person becomes meek. Sin is thus put to death, and righteousness is resurrected; the old life was abolished, and a new, gospel life was begun.
The path from sin to normal life is not easy. Sincere repentance is the first step. The second - healing the soul - is much more difficult. For a long time, undermined spiritual health will need spiritual therapy. The main thing is not to return to sin. You also cannot despair and become despondent; you need to find salvation in prayer .
