In Russia, it is customary to celebrate important dates - during life these are birthdays, and after death - to remember the day of departure. This date is especially important for Christians. After all, they believe in the resurrection and subsequent eternal life with God. Therefore, the existence of the soul has no end for believers. How can one honorably, in a Christian manner, remember the deceased on the anniversary of his death?
About the author About the book
Funeral traditions
In Orthodoxy, it is customary to remember the dead; the ancient Slavs also had such a ritual. It takes place on the day of the funeral itself, then 9 or 40 days later. On the anniversary of death, it is also customary to gather for a special meal. How to remember the deceased if he was a Christian? The most important thing is, of course, prayer. It is also necessary to refrain from heavy libations, or better yet, from alcohol altogether. Under no circumstances should ceremonial commemorations turn into riotous fun. This is very far from Christian traditions.
In addition to private prayer, on the anniversary of death in the church they order:
- a special remembrance during the Liturgy is the morning service, during which pieces are taken from the consecrated bread for the departed. It is customary to order the so-called “sorokoust” - they will commemorate at forty services;
- memorial service - usually served on Saturdays, but you can arrange with the priest for another day. You can come to the funeral service weekly, but the anniversary is a particularly important day;
- Lithium is another type of funeral service; it is somewhat shorter than a memorial service. It is served at any time; you can bring a priest to the cemetery to perform it.
It is imperative that the family members and friends of the deceased themselves pray at any memorial. After all, the priest cannot convey the feelings and emotions that loved ones experience. He acts as a performer of the ritual. Of course, his prayer has power, but you cannot entrust everything to others. After all, we are talking about the posthumous fate of a loved one.
But this is not all that is ordered in the church. The Psalter is appropriate for the anniversary of death. Usually it is ordered from monasteries and is done for a long time. Depending on the donation for a month, six months or a whole year. Again, be sure to remember the deceased yourself every day. For this purpose, the morning rule contains special short prayers.
Work as a courier at Yandex.Eda (up to 3,400 rubles per shift) leave a request →
Church shops sell special books where you can write down everyone who needs to be remembered. You can take this book to church so that you don’t forget anyone when submitting notes. When the deacon or priest reads the notes, be sure to pray yourself.
What to do if the anniversary coincides with a church holiday
The funeral can be postponed several days in advance if its date coincides with any major Orthodox holiday. If the anniversary falls on the holiday of Easter and Holy Week, then it is recommended to move the commemoration of the departed to Radonitsa - the general church day of remembrance. Easter days are a time for joy, not sorrow. By tradition, memorial services are not held during this period. If you want to somehow celebrate an anniversary on Easter, it is best to give alms for the deceased.
It is also not recommended to celebrate funerals during Holy Week, because... at this time (at the insistence of the priests) all the thoughts and feelings of Christian believers should be occupied with the passion of Christ. If the anniversary of the death falls on Christmas or Christmas Eve, a memorial service can be ordered on the eve of the holiday.
Other days of remembrance
There are both private funerals and special church holidays, when it is customary to go to cemeteries. This is the so-called “parents day”, it is celebrated several times. On these days, we also need to remember the dead, regardless of when they passed away.
- The 2nd Tuesday after Easter is a moving day. In some Russian regions there is a tradition of visiting graves directly on the day of Christ's Resurrection, although this is not officially approved - Easter is such a bright day that it is believed that there are no dead on this day.
Even if this is not the anniversary of death, the joyful words “Christ is Risen!” all the departed must hear. The name of the memorable day is appropriate - Radonitsa. For everyone there is hope for eternity with God, so this day is intended for shared joy - in heaven and on earth. It is customary to have a meal at graves, bring colored eggs, pancakes, and distribute the leftovers of the meal to the poor.
All the deceased are also commemorated on other days:
- Trinity Saturday is the Saturday before Pentecost;
- Meat Saturday - before the start of Lent;
- Saturdays during Lent - 2nd, 3rd, 4th.
The deceased person still remains a member of the universal church, so memorial services can be ordered constantly.
How many flowers are usually worn in a cemetery and why?
Sometimes people ask how many flowers they bring to the cemetery. The question of how many flowers are customary to wear in a cemetery is decided according to the traditions of a particular country or culture.
In our cemetery, it is customary to wear an even number of flowers, since our ancestors saw the symbolism of death, peace, and completeness in even numbers. We give an odd number of flowers to the living.
How many specific flowers you bring to the cemetery depends on your desires and capabilities. It can be just two flowers, or it can be a large bouquet of 50 flowers - whatever you like.
It must be said that sorcerers sometimes carry 9 or 13 flowers to the cemetery - this is due to the symbolism and conditions of certain rituals.
How to spend a sad anniversary
A dignified death is the crown of a believer’s life. In daily prayers there are requests that God grant him a shameless death. Orthodox Christians strive to confess and receive communion before meeting the Creator. There are special rituals that are performed on the dying person. After death they are no longer repeated.
Become a courier of the Yandex.Food service right now (up to 3,400 rubles per shift) leave a request →
In order for the anniversary of death to be celebrated with dignity, it is necessary to begin the commemoration in the temple. This could be a presence at the Liturgy, then at a memorial service, or simply a pre-ordered lithium. After this, go to the cemetery, perform a civil memorial service there, or read the 17th kathisma. After this, have a meal, remember the deceased, and clean the grave. Drinking vodka, especially pouring it on a grave, is not an Orthodox custom that will do nothing to help the deceased!
It is better to bring fresh flowers to graves; this is in accordance with Christian traditions. There is never artificial greenery in churches, because God has no dead. At one time, the church even tried to ban the tradition of decorating coffins with wreaths with inscriptions, but it was not easy to defeat it. This custom is not so much caused by greed or paganism, but is aimed against vandalism, which, unfortunately, is often found in Russian cemeteries.
But you can and should abstain from drinking. The pain of loss is great, but we must find other ways to cope with it. It is unlikely that the deceased will be pleased with such behavior. It is better not to spend money on intoxicating drinks, but to distribute it to the poor as a way to commemorate the soul.
How to remember the deceased for a year after death at home
You can commemorate the death anniversary at home. It happens that it is impossible to go to the cemetery due to various circumstances. Then it is necessary to invite everyone who wants to participate to prepare a special meal. The customs of placing a device for the deceased and covering mirrors are not Orthodox.
Before sitting down to the table, you need to pray. One of the relatives must read the 17th kathisma, or the rite of requiem. Candles are lit during prayer. Then you can start eating. It must be held with dignity, conversations must be decent, jokes and laughter are inappropriate.
Pagan meals for the dead were held with great pomp. It was believed that the more expensive and magnificent the funeral feast, the better it would be for the newly deceased beyond the grave. Triznes were accompanied not only by copious libations, but also by dances, songs, and competitions. The meaning of Christian funerals and wakes is completely different. They must maintain the prayerful memory of a person who is not even considered dead, but has passed on to another world.
About the author About the book
Special dishes are served at the table. Kutya is definitely one of them. This is wheat porridge, which is sometimes replaced with rice. But its main feature is that it is prepared sweet, seasoned with raisins, other dried fruits, and honey. It is advisable to consecrate this food during the service. The sweetness symbolizes the joy that awaits the righteous in heaven.
- Also a traditional funeral dish are pancakes, which are usually washed down with jelly.
- Table setting should be ordinary. You can place fresh fir branches on the table and decorate the edges of the tablecloth with black lace.
- Each change of dishes should be accompanied by the prayer: “Rest, O Lord, the soul of Thy servant (name).” You should also pray after your meal. But it is not customary to thank the hosts for the funeral meal.
When all the necessary prayers have been read, someone can also read poems on the anniversary of death. There are no church prohibitions on this matter. Poems should remind of the virtues of the deceased, of his spiritual qualities. Of course, everyone has shortcomings, but Christians trust in God’s mercy, try not to remember them, but to pray for their sins to be forgiven.
It is customary to celebrate the anniversary of death not only in Russia. The dead are also commemorated in Asian countries. Japan, Vietnam, Korea and China have their own traditions. Followers of Judaism commemorate deceased parents, brothers, and children. True, their anniversary date does not coincide with the generally accepted calendar. During the funeral, it is customary to fast, meat and wine are prohibited.
What flowers are worn in the cemetery?
According to tradition, fresh flowers are brought to the cemetery. A living flower is cut, given to the dead, and the flower dies on his grave. The dead person receives the life energy of this flower.
It is believed that the flower dies in our world and appears in the world of the dead. Exactly the same as the dead one, who has already made this transition. A dead person with a flower given to him receives the energy of his life and the energy of his death.
When choosing flowers for a cemetery, you can focus on different principles:
- those that a person loved during life;
- those that are customary to bring to the cemetery;
- those that are profitable to give.
Each of these principles is true in its own way. If they choose flowers in a cemetery that a person loved during his lifetime, this shows the deceased that they remember him and remember his preferences.
Flowers that are beneficial to give to the deceased will be chosen by sorcerers working in the cemetery. To achieve certain goals, the sorcerer negotiates with the dead to perform certain work. Therefore, the sorcerer will give the dead those things that he needs to do his work. Sometimes flowers are required - the sorcerer knows what and how many flowers to bring to the cemetery.
Now about the flowers that are brought to the cemetery according to tradition. These are carnations, roses, callas, lilies, and less often - other types of flowers. Whatever flowers you choose from the cemetery, always take only a fully bloomed, fresh flower.
Do not take unopened buds to the cemetery!
A cut, unopened bud symbolizes a baby who died before birth, and, according to the magical law of similarity, can realize a similar situation.
This is not clear to the average person, but knowledgeable people strictly follow this rule, cutting off all the buds from the bouquet intended for the dead. This is done so that the dead person understands you correctly.
Color also has a certain symbolic meaning, which the dead understands without words:
- yellow flowers for a cemetery symbolize parting;
- white flowers - protection;
- red - passion;
- pink - tenderness.
How to honor the deceased yourself
What prayers are read at home on the anniversary of death to remember the deceased? The Psalter is best suited; the reading instructions are indicated in every Orthodox publication. In this case, between the psalms there are special prayers where the names of the deceased are mentioned. This is the best option. You can also read akathists, but the Psalms were written much earlier. Also, all Christian churches recognize their inspiration.
There are cases when the Church Charter prohibits commemorating the deceased at the Liturgy, ordering memorial services for them, or holding a funeral service. This applies to those who were baptized, but did not regularly go to church, that is, were not churched. A person who takes part in confession and Communion is considered to be a churchgoer; all others are considered “parishioners.”
True, in practice, deviations from this rule are often made. It all depends on the ruling bishop. In any case, it is necessary to clarify this issue with the clergy.
It is also clearly prohibited on behalf of the Church to commemorate those who took their own lives voluntarily. If a person died in war while protecting others, it is not considered suicide. In general, death in war is one of the most honorable. But death from a drug overdose is a type of suicide.
However, the holy fathers teach to hope in God's mercy. You are allowed to pray for such people in private; there is even a special akathist for suicides, compiled in the last century. You can also add something of your own, but you shouldn’t be too zealous either. We do not know all spiritual laws; such prayers can end in mental disorder for someone who wants to do a good deed.
- 40 days after death
- Funeral service for 9 days after death - more details here
- What to do on the 9th day after death -
We remember in the temple
Bring prosphora from church and divide it among all family members.
It is very helpful to order a commemoration on the anniversary of the repose at the Divine Liturgy. You must come to the church early, before the service begins, and leave a note about the repose on the candle box, indicating in it the full church name of the deceased in the genitive case. After the service, you need to buy prosphora on a candle box, divide it at home among all family members and eat it on an empty stomach - in memory of your deceased loved one.
On the first anniversary, it is also very good to order a magpie, light a candle in front of the Crucifixion, and pray for forgiveness of all the sins of the deceased.
Churches hold memorial services - special memorial services, for which you can also submit a separate note, making sure to attend the service in person.
