What they say for 40 days for the deceased. Funeral poems, words and toasts.

Funeral speech at a funeral text - farewell words spoken in memory of the deceased by his family and friends. They are pronounced over the grave of the buried with all their hearts. The speaker talks about important and significant events associated with this person, his achievements, and also speaks on the good side about the character and personality of the deceased. It is advisable if he says this orally, and not reads it from a piece of paper.

Quite a lot of people attend funerals and wakes. Mostly these are relatives and friends of the deceased, but there are others - colleagues, acquaintances, school friends and others. As a rule, the head of the family or the oldest and closest person is the first to pronounce the funeral words. If he is in a strong emotional state, then others present can speak at the wake.

“My grandmother was a wonderful person with a difficult but interesting life. She, along with her three younger brothers and sister, were raised by her mother alone during the difficult post-war years. To say that they lived poorly then means nothing.

say. She had to endure many difficulties and hardships, but she never lost her optimism and presence of mind, constantly helping her mother and taking care of the younger members of the family. And later, having married her military grandfather, she steadfastly endured all the hardships of service. In any circumstances, she always maintained exemplary order at home and taught all family members to do so. Grandma was sometimes strict, but fair. I am glad that I managed to learn from her neatness and order, the ability to organize my life. And her famous apple pies were simply incomparable, no one else could do them! I will always remember you, my dear, beloved grandmother! Your warmth, love and care will remain with us forever.”

If others don’t know you well, then at the beginning of your speech you should introduce yourself and explain under what circumstances you met the deceased. The funeral speech should contain words of gratitude towards the deceased and reflect his positive qualities. You can mention any significant moment that occurred with the participation of the deceased.

“I’ll introduce myself for those who don’t know me:

my name is (name). We have worked together with (name of deceased) for the past few years and I would like to say a few words in memory of him. He was a true professional in his field, a Specialist with a capital S. Many of our colleagues, young and not only, learned the basics of their craft from him and often used his advice and help. He was very patient and responsive, he could always listen to everyone who turned to him for support, advise something, help out, and never refused anyone’s requests. He could perfectly lift the spirits of anyone who was upset, confused or depressed about something. The countless funny stories, toasts, jokes and anecdotes he told could amuse anyone. We will all greatly miss him at our dinner gatherings and corporate events, where he invariably shone at the table, lifting our morale. There is no other person like him in our team. And maybe it won’t be in my memory anymore. We will all miss him greatly. Until the end of his life, he will remain in my memory and the memory of all our colleagues as an example of perseverance, sparkling cheerfulness, activity and professionalism! Rest in peace dear colle

It is advisable if you prepare the words for the wake in advance and memorize them. Because a well-formulated text will sound good and be perceived by others. And sluggish, boring speech with hesitations can be regarded as disrespect for the deceased and his family. If you are afraid that you will forget the words, you can take with you a piece of paper with a sample of the funeral speech. You need to pronounce words clearly and slowly. You need to speak confidently and so that others can hear you, but not too loudly.

"Friends! The deceased worked honestly at the (name) enterprise for more than twenty years. We all knew him as a decent, honest and modest person. They were valued for their skillful hands and reliable character. We will miss his many invisible but irreplaceable contributions to the work! The bright memory of him will remain in our hearts!”

“Friends, the best of us has gone to another world. We are all deeply saddened. Our souls are bleeding from untimely loss. The deceased was a support to all of us. He was the first to help, did not wait for requests or

complaints. His kind heart and wide soul were always open. He was a clear light and guide in a difficult and dangerous world for all of us, his friends! May the soul of this magnificent man rest in peace! We will always remember him with a feeling of light sadness mixed with secret melancholy!”

“All his life, our father was a worthy example not only to his children, but also to those around him. In everyday life, he demonstrated a wise understanding of true values, kindness and devotion. Any person left him with an enlightened soul. And to us, his children, our father instilled a love for people, a high sense of responsibility and devotion to the Motherland. We consider his departure unfairly early. Eternal, blessed memory to him!”

“Our grandfather was a very kind and good person. His path was long and difficult. He perceived all the difficulties that befell the country as his own. He worked and raised children without complaining about the lack of benefits, lack of food or amenities. He raised children and was a support for his grandchildren. This magnificent man will be greatly missed by all of us. May his memory be blessed!”

Words of condolences are expressed not only in

the time of funerals, but also on days of remembrance of the deceased. They say a speech at funerals 40 days later, a year from the date of death, as well as during Parents' Saturdays and other Orthodox holidays. Speeches can be made both at the cemetery and during funeral dinners.

At this event, all deceased relatives and friends are remembered. They remember what they were like during life, what they were interested in, what they loved. Words of condolences are spoken and the blessed memory of the deceased is honored. It is forbidden to say anything bad about the deceased or to recall old grievances. It’s either good or nothing, says the popular saying.

At the hour of remembrance, until the pain of loss has subsided, the first thing to remember is delicacy

.
Find out how to choose words of condolences, read examples of words of condolences and obituary rules. These guides will provide insight into the ethics of remembrance
and provide
the right words of comfort
.

But the funeral speech

has its own specifics.
In it you address a whole circle of guests
who have gathered to console loved ones, remember the deceased themselves and listen to what friends and relatives have to say about him.
Your words are awaited, and your funeral speech
may sound with

more pathos
than is customary when expressing condolences in person.
Words of grief directly at the funeral should be extremely brief, but speech at the wake may not be limited to a couple of phrases.

Funeral words of grief and funeral speech

First, introduce yourself and, if it is not obvious to everyone, say who you are related to the deceased. Many people will speak at the wake. Therefore, the funeral speech should be laconic

, and thoughts are expressed accurately. Guests will understand if the sentence is interrupted by sudden crying. But unpreparedness, verbiage, and even more so drunken babble, will be perceived by those gathered as a sign of disrespect for the deceased. Don't rely on improvisation! Have short theses with you, and at home or on the way to the funeral ceremony, repeat your funeral speech several times.

Do not retell your biography - it is enough to tell about one striking incident, an episode of life

so that guests remember this interesting fact.
It is important that the event you describe highlights one of the positive traits of the deceased. It’s better to talk about the episode that you yourself highly appreciated
. Study examples of how celebrities are remembered by their loved ones (each obituary contains an episode from life and condolences).

Focus the audience's attention on the character trait that your story demonstrates. Every negative trait has a bright side. Examples of complementary synonyms:

About a grumpy person you can say, “He taught me a lesson in looking at the world critically.”
About the tight-fisted one: “Caution, rationality and foresight are what we all lack today, and what we can learn from the deceased.”
Carelessness in finances: “He was so confident of a better future...”
Suspiciousness: “Knew human nature...”
Not very smart: “Trusting, naive, he trusted people so much...”
Arrogant: “He knew his worth, his circle included only the best...”
Stubborn, stubborn: “Principled...”
Amenable, without a core: “Conflict-free... His credo is compromise.”

At a wake you cannot talk about shortcomings: “ It’s either good or nothing about the deceased.”

“is the basis of the etiquette of remembrance.
You should not remember, especially out loud, about failures, weaknesses, sins and grievances. Forgiveness, reconciliation, recollection of better things
- this is the necessary aura of the memorial ceremony.

Words of Sorrow

It is appropriate to supplement with a quote from the thoughts of the deceased: an order, instruction, commandment or moral maxim that he voiced during his lifetime. Then the funeral speech should begin with a mention of the benefits that he brought to loved ones and society. Conclude that the person did not live his life in vain and promise eternal memory in the hearts of the relatives and friends of the deceased.

“May he/she rest in peace! Everlasting memory!"

You can end your funeral speech with these words, but many will do this. It is better to choose an appropriate epitaph that is in tune with the personality of the deceased:

If you or the deceased are believers, look here: religious epitaphs, Christian epitaphs, prayer epitaphs or phrases from the Bible.
If, on the contrary, the deceased is a consistent atheist, then here.
For the deceased of a philosophical mindset - here, as well as epitaphs about the meaning of life.
There are many beautiful ideas for words of grief in universal ones or in epitaphs on behalf of the deceased.

Protocol of commemoration

At a wake, you need to stand and honor the deceased with a minute of silence.

.
The leader’s mission is entrusted to a person close to the family, who will be able to control his emotions in a mourning environment. He alternately gives the floor
to relatives according to the degree of proximity - spouse, children or parents, close relatives, and then friends of the deceased.

The presenter should prepare several phrases in advance to remove the pause and redirect the attention of the guests if the speaker’s speech is interrupted by tears. Funeral words are usually pronounced standing

Orthodox Christian tradition of remembrance

If the deceased was a believer, then the funeral should be held according to church customs, in compliance with church rituals

.
Speeches and prayers are key components of a Christian memorial ceremony. After praying for the repose of the soul of the deceased, the leader of the ceremony should thank all the guests for coming to the wake and praying for the soul of the newly deceased. Funeral speeches
are pronounced when everyone has already gathered at the table.

In the Orthodox Christian tradition, the funeral begins with Psalm 90 and the “Our Father” prayer. The atmosphere at the table is restrained; you need to talk quietly, in a half-whisper. The first word is given to the head of the family. Then the funeral is led by the head of the ceremony - a person respected by the guests and close to the family. Funeral words at Orthodox funerals

pronounced according to seniority. Everyone who wants to speak can and should have the floor.

Funeral toasts* at Orthodox funerals end with the words: May [Name] rest in peace, and may the memory be eternal!

Everyone drinks without clinking glasses and bowing to the portrait or empty seat of the deceased.

*Alcohol is not included in the Orthodox tradition of commemoration. But the practice of remembering “without clinking glasses” is deeply rooted among the people. It is important to observe moderation!

In Orthodoxy it is known that, thanks to prayers, funeral services and other Christian rituals, the tossing soul of the newly deceased becomes easier. A kind, warm word from family and friends pacifies the soul of the deceased and dulls the grief of loved ones. At the end of the commemoration, getting up from the table, everyone bows to the portrait or towards the place of the deceased

. When leaving, they express sympathy to their relatives. It is not customary to say goodbye at a wake.

Poems for funerals? Yes, but delicately and in moderation.

When expressing condolences in person, face to face, it is undesirable to turn to the verse. Read a poem to those gathered at a common table

friends of the deceased are allowed - after all, everyone expects mournful sayings, memories and some pathos.
Perhaps in verse
.
The main thing is that the rhyme is not vulgar, that it reflects the best features of the deceased and corresponds to the moment. And it was short
.
Or very short
.

Funeral speech

Farewell words at a funeral should be concise and logically structured. No matter how difficult they are to pronounce, they should not be unprepared, slurred, or excessively confusing. This may be perceived as disrespect for the deceased. Therefore, it is worth thinking about the words that will be heard during the funeral and farewell in advance, highlighting the main points in it, and drawing up an outline of the funeral speech. Its main parts and examples are given below:

Main parts of a funeral speech

Address to the guests gathered at the funeral: “Dear family and friends of (name of the deceased)…”, “Dear guests!”, “Loved ones and relatives...”.
Introducing yourself, indicating the degree of relationship with the deceased. “My name is (proper name), (name of the deceased) and I were colleagues (friends, etc.) for ... years”, “We were neighbors with ...”, “Dad was ...”.
A memory of a tragic event and a short story about one’s own experiences, one’s pain. “We met him just yesterday...”, “40 days have already passed since...”, “He has not been with us for a year...”.
Characteristics of the deceased. “He always smiled...”, “He fought for life until the end...”, “He taught me...”.
Condolences or customary funeral words. “My sincere condolences...”, “May the earth rest in peace,” “Eternal memory,” “Rest in peace.”

When remembering a deceased person, you should not retell his biography at the funeral. You can say a few words about any significant episode of life, an interesting fact that reflects the dignity of the deceased. It is worth focusing the attention of people gathered at the funeral on the quality that is highly valued. It is better to remain silent about negative traits, sins, weaknesses, and ambiguous attitudes towards the deceased, following the Russian proverb “It’s either good or nothing about the deceased.”

Words of grief must come from the heart. Here is an example of a funeral speech delivered by Alexander Abdulov’s adopted daughter Ksenia Alferova:

“How grateful I am to God and fate that you were in my life. You are not my real dad - I, however, have never felt this. When I found out about this, I was terribly upset. I thought that this was some kind of injustice - he should have had a child of his own, and by the end of his life he, or rather, she appeared! At first I was happy, and then I was afraid that you would no longer need me. I now realized that this was stupid, I realized that you needed me no less than I needed you... It’s a pity that you understand such things too late.”

Example of a funeral speech

In order not to be constrained by the “correct” but inappropriate speech, instead of a specific example, we will offer the optimal structure of a funeral word with example phrases.

Appeal:

Dear friends and relatives of [Name]!
Dear guests!
Brothers and sisters!
Dear family and friends of our beloved [Name]

Personal positioning in relation to the deceased

(modestly):

I am the nephew of our revered [Name].
I am the brother of [Name] whom we remember today.
[Name] and I have worked/served together for a long time/recent years.

About the mourning event

(news of death or memory of a funeral):

My father was ill for a long time; we understood what would happen, but when we got a call from the hospital...
When I found out that [Name] died, I couldn't think about anything else that evening.
Although my grandfather lived a long life, the news of his death shocked me.
Today is 40 days since my mother left us.
A year ago we said goodbye to [Name], a respected and worthy person.

A few words about the best qualities of the deceased

Grandmother was the kindest person, a hospitable and hospitable hostess.
She has been a support and reliable support for her deceased husband for five years now.
He was known as a joker and an optimist; it was easy and carefree to be with him.
He gave confidence in the future and was a support for those around him.

Quote a command, advice, or moral value that the deceased encouraged family and friends to follow. Then, in a few sentences, tell about a significant incident or episode of your life.

, which illustrates a positive quality of the deceased.
It would be good if this short story
complements the mosaic of opinions of other guests at the wake. End it by remembering the deceased with gratitude or admiration for this personality trait.

Close your speech with a promise of eternal memory. In conclusion, it is permissible to use rhyme, and, if the newly deceased was a believer, and there are many Christians among the guests, then end the funeral address with an epitaph-prayer. Be brief: long speech is difficult to understand.

And all guests of the ceremony should be allowed to speak.

A funeral speech is given at funerals, wakes and anniversaries of death. The first to speak funeral words were the inhabitants of Hellas and Ancient Rome. The higher the status the deceased had during his lifetime, the more people wanted to speak at his funeral. Most likely, it was then that one of the requirements of oratory was born - brevity, because some speakers were very keen on listing the merits of the deceased.

Photo of the funeral speech

The highest aerobatics of a high-quality funeral speech are funeral poems. Cause? Firstly, this genre is not accessible to everyone. Secondly, a high-quality literary work composed on such a sad occasion makes a huge impression on the public. Thirdly, it is the memorial speech delivered at a memorial service, funeral, commemoration, or anniversary that will give the event the solemnity and spirituality necessary in such cases.

Photo memorial poems

Funeral poems can be composed by relatives with literary abilities, or special authors working in this genre.

Examples of short verbal condolences

When choosing words of grief intended for well-known relatives of the deceased, it is worth thinking over a deeply personal, sympathetic phrase. Words must be sincere and delicate. In moments of bitter loss, at a funeral, the feeling of falsehood turns out to be heightened.

The choice of words and format of verbal condolences depends on the circumstances. If a narrow circle of relatives and friends of the deceased gathers at the funeral, the speech can be especially heartfelt and personal.

If a large number of people gather to see off a person on his last journey, then brief expressions of condolences are more appropriate, because words of sympathy and grief should be uttered by all those gathered.

Here are examples of such words:

We all hurt, but it’s worse for you than anyone. If I can help you, please contact me right away.
Be strong. We mourn with you.
I sincerely sympathize with your loss.
Our family feels very sorry for you. With the passing of (name of the deceased), we lost a piece of ourselves.
(Name of the deceased) was such a wonderful person, we always followed his example. He will forever remain in our hearts.
What a loss! I pray for (name of deceased).
(Name of the deceased) did so much for me, I will never forget him. I sincerely sympathize with you.

How to write a funeral speech

The structure of a funeral speech is not much different from an ordinary speech, therefore it is compiled according to the same principles as ordinary literary works intended for public reading.

Photo of the memorial speech

Introduction. It is expected to use quotes from the classics or from the Bible, dedicated to death or the positive qualities of the deceased.
Main part. Classic examples of funeral speeches involve listing the highlights of the deceased's life or professional achievements.
Conclusion. It expresses regret that the person has passed away, a wish that he find peace in another world and a promise that the people gathered at the funeral-memorial will forever preserve his bright image in their souls and hearts.

What should you not say at a funeral? Firstly, list the negative traits and actions of the deceased. Secondly, delve into history and the epistolary genre. A cemetery or a building intended for a civil funeral service is not the most suitable place for practicing oratory. Since ancient times, brevity, pithyness and vividness have been considered the most important qualities of a good funeral speech.

Unlike funerals and civil memorial services, speeches at wakes can be more “spread out” and longer. This is due to the fact that people gathered for the funeral feast are sitting at a table, in a room protected from the vagaries of the weather, so a long, drawn-out speech at a wake will be received more favorably than at a funeral.

In addition to the written speakers, anyone present can express kind words about the deceased at a memorial service. Due to the fact that the atmosphere there is more intimate than at a funeral, even those who have minimal experience in public speaking take up the funeral toast. By the way, ordinary toasts are not made at a wake. Therefore, an attempt by guests to make a toast can be interpreted as disrespect for the deceased and the house in which people gathered for the funeral feast.

Photo of the speech at the wake

Due to the fact that the most significant type of commemoration of the dead is considered to be “forty days” - the day of determination of the soul, memorial verses for 40 days are especially appropriate. You can order them from a professional author or write them yourself.

Another option for works in the memorial genre is memorial words for the anniversary of death. After a year has passed from the date of death of a particular person, relatives can tell what has changed in their lives and sincerely regret that the deceased is not with them. If the anniversary commemoration is a family event, then memorial poems for the anniversary of death can be published in a newspaper or read out on a thematic broadcast on radio or TV.

Death is grief and pain for the loved ones of the deceased. Natural consolation is the desire to help, to facilitate the deceased’s transition to other facets of existence. According to the Christian religion, the 40th day is considered the most important of all memorial days, because during this period the soul says goodbye to the earth forever and leaves it. Many people organize a wake for 40 days after the death. What to say on this day and how to behave?

Memorial poems for 40 days in memory of the deceased

Come with me, my soul, Let's go, and you will see the sky, Let's walk slowly through the stars, Let's go to the rain, because you weren't there.
And we’ll visit the sun, it will give you strong tea, Then we’ll walk through the clouds, And we’ll walk on snowflakes. Let's walk through a colored rainbow, And let's run through snowy clouds... Come with me, my golden one, My Angel, light, my hope!!! I want to give you everything, My scarlet flower, Close your eyes and scream how much I LOVE you, son!!!! *** Your cold hands won’t touch me anymore Your closed eyes won’t look lovingly Your frozen feet won’t trample the roads I’ll stay here But you couldn’t...

***

When we lose someone And he flies to heaven We will feel sad about something That cannot be changed in any way. You will cry, cry, cry, scream at the sky, the whole world: Because only someone did not have time to finish reading the Book of Life. Yes... and why did he do this? I wanted to prove something to someone. But we can't get our time back. This is true. And loved ones are hurt by something. And there are many questions in my head: For what? For what? and why? But you won’t answer, everything is in the past. And I look at the full moon. But you won’t see her radiance, And you won’t see the light of your beloved eyes. Brother, why do we have to suffer? You brought it so much, I cry every time. You flew to the dead sky, There, in silence, far, far away... You cut off your tree of life, And it’s hard, not easy for me without you... It’s hard to accept that you’re not there. I won’t hear a voice say a word, Maybe it seems like nonsense, But I know we will meet again... Well, even though life is so harsh, And you come into my dreams, I cry again, again, again... You say: “Wait for spring!! ! I can’t come to terms with this, because I love you very much!!! And I want you to hear these lines, I pray you! The sad ending of this story is terrible, bitter and bad. I know not to tear out these sheets of life! But I know for sure that you are with me in my heart!!!

***

He lived his whole life happy, He was successful, he was loved, And so, in this world. At that moment he was alone, He hurried to the aid of his friends, And did not ask for retribution, Everything he wanted from life, He said that he got it. And he left, left the earth, Without saying goodbye, as he lived, And in a dream, seeing Him, I asked to return. He said, “Don’t worry, friend, It’s great here, I’m in Paradise, As before, I sing glorious songs with a guitar, You live, I see you, There will be help for you from heaven, And while you live, believe, - I’m not dead, I’m RISEN !

***

There was a blue sky... Two people lived for the joy of their loved ones, They lived cheerfully and happily, Only death was close... The hum of a car.... In an instant He is no longer with us in the world... And the Almighty saved her... It somehow felt bitter in my heart... It somehow felt bitter in my heart that the fate of the young people was ruined, apparently God wanted it, that their soul was mutilated... The words resonate with pain in the heart... She will survive, she is strong!!!! And his mother is bending over him….. “Why do you need the darkness of the grave, son?!”…. Tears quietly roll down my heart... Mom is crying, her soul is frozen... And his friends gather...

***

Please say a few words, And you remain silent in peace, Please come back from the world of dreams. I beg you, wake up! Tell me, where did you go early? Tell me, what happened? Yes, there was time, suddenly it’s gone, It’s so fickle. The fire of the burning candle went out, Without allowing anything to be corrected, Taking you away from us forever, Stealing you and no one. You won't see us again, And you won't shake hands with your friends. And you won’t talk about your problems. You won’t be happy. Yes, under the verdict of the big system, the pattern of life is inexorable, And now those with whom you were once friends bring you flowers. Oh, the evil conduct of life has taken you to dreams. You remember your friends, But you only come to them in dreams. They won’t forget you. You can’t be forgotten. And your kind smile will forever be in your memory.

Even if it is impossible to bring back the past And the pain can be relieved with the medicine of many years, Friends leave - the path remains, Friends leave - the light remains... God will not erase either the voice or the line, He will not stop the knowledge of the depth. He is the ocean, and I don’t shore. I look into the distorting mirror of the wave. I know: soon there will be a hike to melt my heart into a new verse. Today it’s my turn to find my soul in the struggle with the word. No wind, no parting words to follow, No one who waves her hand from the window... But if you were born on earth, It’s a sin not to reach the clouds. It is possible that then, years later, And someone will say about me: “Even if he left, his star would burn, Even if he left, there was a path left behind him...”

***

It’s been forty days since you’ve been with us, It’s been forty days since you’ve been gone, It’s hard to express in words, That the pain pierces like a stiletto, That the heart aches every day, That without you all life is melancholy, That all dreams are gone instantly, That does not make it easier for us yet... We have all gathered here today to perform a commemoration for forty days, Only the Lord’s will is above us, But it is difficult to submit to it, The Almighty called you to the starry sky without torment, And to us, in an excess of regrets, He gave pain and tears without measure . Your soul will appear before him, having completed its upward flight, And he will show you his face, And will lead you to heaven by the hand... Farewell forever, dear heart, Do not judge us for insults, And serenely to the secret door Fly upward from us now...

***

40 days without you silence... 40 dark sleepless nights... Only thoughts... There is only one YOU in them Like hundreds of lit candles... Why did you leave so early?! How difficult it is for me to understand, How bitter it is to imagine now, That I can no longer hug you... Not hear your voice, your laughter, Or just be silent with you. How strange life is, But, I must accept this too... And when... Someday in the night sky a star will shine for me I will understand, this is your new home Sleep well. Mine forever...

***

Who will answer why and why Sometimes the sky is so cruel, Suddenly ends in a moment the fate, The fate of people who go ahead of time into the world, where together their hearts Find peace in the vastness of paradise. But there is no answer, just as there is no end to the pain that is not hidden at all, will remain in the souls of relatives. And it’s a pity that only one minute sometimes separates Us on earth from the heavenly shelter.

***

Your soul is more tender than snowflakes. She has left us on her last journey, A stream of tears flows like a river and never ends. In my soul, sadness froze forever... I was just nearby, close... And then... trouble suddenly covered us, pressing it low to the ground... Goodbye dear heart, Let the earth be soft... Forgive us for everything bad... What a pity... You can’t be brought back...

***

I can’t express how my heart hurts, And I can’t find the right words, You knew how to be friends so worthy, You knew how to easily drive away sadness. He knew how to be reliable and faithful, And he loved life fiercely. Why did the sky become angry, And why did your hour strike? You should still bloom, my friend, And for many years you would only grow upward, But your heartbeat fell silent, They didn’t save you, I’m sorry... Farewell forever, dear soul, You stopped running in life, Flying away from us to heaven, Farewell, beloved person. May you rest in peace on earth, And the path to heaven will be quiet, No one will forget you, Accept, my friend, the last verse...

***

Neither express grief nor cry tears For ever you took joy away from home.

***

The heart burns with emptiness... There is only melancholy from loss in my soul. You left me forever, I just don’t believe in “forever”!

***

So why are you, my friend, silent? Or maybe you are quietly sad About the sunny valleys between the mountains, About the waterfalls that sound like a choir of songs. That you can’t hear them now, And the door to the human world is closed, Only the poplars are rustling around, And the nightingales are sleeping peacefully in the trees.

What is the meaning of a funeral ceremony?

It is important to know that the essence of the funeral rite is to make the transition of the soul of a deceased person to another world painless, to help the soul appear before God, to feel peace and tranquility. And this is achieved through prayers. Everything that will be said about the deceased person on this day: kind words, prayers, good memories and speeches will help the soul to withstand God's judgment. Therefore, it is so important to observe all the traditions associated with this day and know how to conduct a commemoration 40 days after death.

The main thing on this day is to pray. You can do this yourself, or you can invite a priest.

Rules for a funeral speech

Funeral words are not just banal expressions characteristic of some holiday. You are expected to be respectful and concise, and to speak from the heart. You should not memorize the text at home, but it is advisable to at least roughly think through your words first. Add a little improvisation to make it sincere, but prepare the main points in a quiet environment. Think about what you want to say.

The ideal words for a wake should be:

concise, precise;
positive (any bad quality, even well-known to everyone, can be presented from an unexpected angle or played up, but it is better to omit it);
specific - speak only when you have something to say.

They will understand you if the funeral speech at the wake is not told in one breath with the given expression. If your feelings are overwhelming, you can cry or allow additional manifestations of emotions. The person passed away quite recently, and you are naturally depressed - this is a completely adequate state. It is unfair to demand perfect funeral words from a mother who has lost a child, or from a newly made widow.

The main goal of a memorial speech is to revive warm memories of the deceased. Therefore, choose a special incident from your life associated with this person. Try to accurately recreate all the emotions you felt at that moment. This will help you convey the personal qualities of the deceased.

There are no ideal people. But you can always turn even controversial, well-known qualities into positive ones:

They say about a strict person: “Helped me to become the best of the best”;
About the carefree: “He knew the value of life and tried to live it in such a way that he would never regret a boring and gray life”;
About the greedy: “I tried to ensure a decent old age for myself and my loved ones”;
About the trusting: “He saw only the best in people, always helped them and never refused anyone - this is what we should all learn from him”;
About the stubborn: “He always went forward, did not bend under the weight of circumstances”;
About the dreamer: “I wanted to see only the best side of the world, gave people goodness and hope that someday all the bad things will pass.”

Remember that a funeral speech at a wake is usually delivered while standing. It’s not scary if the words at the funeral are interrupted by tears or your legs begin to tremble. No one will judge you for this. The most important thing is to convey to people the importance of the mission of the deceased on Earth. Make sure that they believe you, so that everyone understands how close you were. But at the same time, do not “pull the blanket” over yourself. Give everyone the opportunity to speak - guests have the same right to this as you.

Add to your story words that the deceased often said.
It wouldn’t hurt to remember a person’s favorite book and quote from it a few phrases that you think best describe his character.
Choose the most correct and restrained expressions.

You can end your speech at the wake (40 days) with an epitaph that reflects the personality of the deceased. Choose the most appropriate phrase. If the person was a believer, then God can be mentioned, but for an atheist this option would be inappropriate. By doing this, you will not only insult the memory of the deceased, but also offend those present - loved ones and relatives who respected the person’s choice.

If you have a penchant for writing poetry, then use it. But there should be a moderate amount of rhyme. If funeral words are spoken alone with someone close, then poetry is inappropriate. At the table, it is possible to mention a few lines that also fit the description of the character.

But the less rhyme, the better. She often sounds vulgar, which ruins the ceremony. If you really want to amaze everyone with your talent, help me come up with an epitaph for the monument. Or you can successfully weave rhyming lines into the text by making comparisons.

If you want to help the relatives and friends of the deceased in another way (for example, financially), then do not announce this at the table. First of all, it sounds conceited. Secondly, all sincerity immediately disappears. It will be much more pleasant and meaningful to people if you personally approach them and offer help.

Personally, you can say much more, mention what cannot be said in front of guests for some reason. In addition, you don’t have to wait until the ceremony itself to make such requests for help. Most likely, your help will be needed for the funeral. Your loved ones will warmly appreciate your concern for the departed.

Christian traditions of remembrance of the dead on the 40th day

The ritual of remembrance has been known since the very beginning of Christianity. The purpose of the ritual is to give the soul of the person who has passed into another world peace and tranquility, and to help to know the eternal heavenly Kingdom.

To do this, relatives, friends and relatives of the deceased must gather at the funeral table. When a wake is organized for 40 days after a death, what should you say to those present? It is believed that the more people remember the deceased in their prayers, the better it will be for the soul of the person for whom they are praying. On this day, it is customary to remember moments from the life of the deceased, focusing on his virtues and good deeds.

Life does not stand still; if earlier the wake was held in the house of the deceased, now it can be done in a restaurant or cafe. The traditions of Orthodoxy oblige to receive more people on this day than on the 9th day, because the soul leaves the earth, and not only relatives, but also everyone who wishes to do so must say goodbye to the person.

Examples of funeral words

A memorial speech for an anniversary or 40 days should come from the heart. This is the only way to honor the memory of the departed with dignity. Therefore, below is not a specific funeral speech (40 days or a year) that can be learned, but just an example. Spend a few evenings completing and expanding the provided plan. Think carefully: the right speeches at a funeral are not born instantly.

First try to draw up a psychological portrait of the deceased on paper. Write down all the character traits that come to your mind, and then supplement them with associations. Based on this, you can create abstracts with unique comparisons that are appropriate for such a case, because they will come from the heart. But remember that at a wake it is better to give a speech rather than read it from a sheet. This way you will show respect for the deceased and will look more sincere.

Start by contacting:

Dear guests/colleagues!
Dear relatives, friends and loved ones!
Dear brothers (sisters) of our loved one!

A small amount of pathos is acceptable at the beginning. Remember to be modest when introducing yourself. The emphasis is on your relationship with the departed person, and not just on you:

I had the honor of serving with the same military unit for more than 20 years;
I am the younger brother, who has always been and will be the main example for me;
I am a wife who will always be a ray of light illuminating my path;
was my teacher in high school.

Here it is permissible to take a short pause and collect your thoughts. Make farewell toasts at the wake slowly, there is no need to rush somewhere. However, the speech at the funeral should be concise and, if possible, short. Don't repeat cliched phrases. Let you look unconventional. A 40-day memorial speech is your opportunity to sincerely state the most important thing about a person that was dear to you and how you will remember him forever.

Next, be sure to tell us how you learned about the sad event. Mention your reaction:

Today marks exactly 1 year since he is no longer with me. I couldn't think of anything else that evening;
The worst thing that could happen to me happened that morning. Like out of the blue...
As I remember now, it was drizzling. The phone rang and a few minutes later I learned the terrible news;
I often visited in the hospital. I suspected that this was going to happen, but I still wasn’t mentally prepared;
My grandmother was barely able to support me after I found out about leaving. I thought for a long time about what words to say today, and finally decided.

Don't worry if your toasts at the wake sound somehow strange and unusual. Try not to use established phrases and expressions. Believe in what you say. Convey your sincere emotions.

Next, tell your main idea. Tell us who the deceased was to you. Remember an interesting incident, a character detail, a person’s favorite saying. Strive to demonstrate some outstanding quality:

was a famous joker. I still can’t forgive him for that prank during the service...
always strived to help others. “To save a comrade is to save yourself,” said the grandmother;
You will never meet a greater optimist than.

Add another memory to the story if appropriate, or expand on what you said earlier. If your speech complements the statements of others, then this is good. You can speak out immediately after your classmates, if you remember the teacher - school stories will be on topic.

You can end your speech with a special prayer (a special epitaph) or simply with memorable words that really matter to you. Remember to be creative, but keep it brief. Long speech is perceived much worse. In addition, you may feel tired or confused about your memories due to a surge of emotions.

Memorial words for the anniversary of death or 40 days are not just sentences, but theses that support the memory of the deceased in your heart. Share warm memories with others, create a cozy atmosphere and remember only the best qualities that emphasize the significance of the deceased. The examples of words given above will help you express your feelings correctly and compose a worthy speech at a funeral or wake.

Commemoration on the fortieth day in the church

Church commemoration is the mention of the name of the deceased during prayer during the Liturgy for the salvation of the soul and the eternal good of the person being remembered. The ceremony is carried out after the relatives of the deceased submit a note “On repose”. It is important to know that this note contains the names only of those who were baptized in the Orthodox Church.

For the relatives of the deceased, the best type of donation would be a candle for the deceased. At the moment of installing the candle, you need to pray for the repose of the soul, asking the Lord to forgive the voluntary and involuntary sins of the deceased person.

According to the canons of Orthodoxy, funeral services (40 days after death) are not held before the established date. If, by coincidence, it is necessary to carry out the ceremony on an earlier date, then on the next weekend after the forties, it is necessary to give out alms. A church commemoration will also be held on the same day.

Organization of the funeral table

The purpose of a memorial dinner is to remember the deceased person, pray for the repose of his soul, provide psychological support to those in need, and thank people for their participation and help. You cannot organize a dinner with the goal of impressing the guests with expensive and delicious dishes, boasting of an abundance of dishes, or feeding them to their fullest.

The main thing is not food, but uniting in grief and supporting those who are having a hard time. It is important to take into account the main rules of Christianity: limiting the intake of alcoholic beverages, fasting and having the simplest dishes on the table.

You should not perceive a wake as a feast. Large expenses in this case are unjustified; it would be much more useful to direct financial investments into charity.

If more than 40 days have passed since the death, a memorial service can be held later, if only the memorial table will be rescheduled. It is necessary to pray for the soul of the deceased on the 40th day.

Features of holding a funeral for 40 days

According to Christian customs, it is customary to begin a funeral dinner with prayer. During its pronouncement, everyone present stands up, and this ritual ends with a minute of silence. After this, guests are offered to eat kutya.

When setting the table, it is recommended to avoid sharp cutlery.

Summarize. When organizing a memorial meal, the church calls for:

do not turn lunch into a “belly celebration”;
do not conduct conversations on abstract topics at the table;
do not allow the wake to turn into an exchange of gossip;
behave modestly and reservedly;
allow everyone who wishes to make a memorial speech to speak;
read a prayer at the beginning and end of the meal.

In addition, if the deceased was baptized, you can submit a note “On repose” to the church.

Ask your question

Main dishes of the funeral table

When setting the table, it is advisable to give preference to lenten dishes. Kutya should be at the head of the table. This is porridge cooked from whole grains, with the addition of honey, nuts and raisins. The dish represents the rebirth of the soul and symbolizes the benefits of eternal life.

The composition of the dishes mainly depends on the traditions of the family hosting the funeral. Traditionally prepared: pancakes, pies, porridge, cabbage soup and jelly. Various snacks are acceptable: salads, vegetables or cold cuts. Among the first courses: borscht, noodles in chicken broth, beetroot soup. Side dish – buckwheat porridge, pilaf or puree. The Church is against alcoholic beverages; in any case, their use should be limited.

If the wake coincided with fasting, then the meat should be exchanged for fish. For salads, vinaigrette is perfect. Let there be mushrooms, vegetables and fruits on the table. The main thing at a wake is to strengthen your strength in order to continue to tirelessly pray for the deceased.

How to prepare a funeral speech

No commemoration is complete without a funeral speech. Sometimes a presenter is invited especially for this occasion, who will help to correctly arrange the order of speeches. If the leader is absent, one of the close relatives should take on his role.

When a wake is held for 40 days after a death, the words spoken at the table should be distributed in a certain order of speakers. First, the speech is given by the closest relatives, then by friends and lastly by acquaintances.

Don't rely too much on improvisation. This is a sad event, and people who are in grief will listen to you. Brevity and accuracy are the main criteria for a funeral speech. Try to find time to practice at home so you can decide where to say nothing and what to add.

Usually all the closest ones come to the wake (40 days after death). A speech given at the table should not consist of a biography of the deceased person, because there will be people who already know well all the life stages of the deceased. It is very good to talk about some fact from life that will serve as proof of the virtues of the deceased.

When preparing a wake for 40 days after a death, poems dedicated to the mourning event can be more useful than ever. They will help you tune in to a lyrical-tragic mood, helping to create an atmosphere of a wake.

You can supplement your speech with a photograph of the deceased or an item that belonged to him, which will prove to those present what a good person the deceased was. Avoid mentioning the deceased's mistakes, gossip and secrets. There is no place for such speeches at the funeral table.

Funeral speech

To commemorate the deceased, it is customary to gather a circle of relatives and people close to him on the 9th day, 40th day and a year after death. The words spoken at a wake are traditionally imbued with warmth and light sadness. At the wake they talk about the deceased person, remember various stories and incidents from life.

Funeral speeches, like mourning speeches at funerals, are drawn up according to the classical plan. At the same time, we must not forget about the need to declare a minute of silence in memory of the deceased. The role of the manager, who announces it and also gives the floor to those gathered in turn, is usually taken on by a person close to the family of the deceased.
According to tradition, the words of the funeral speech are first spoken by the people closest to the deceased person - parents, spouses, children, brothers and sisters, and then friends and colleagues. The host should always have a few appropriate phrases prepared in case the performance of one of the guests is interrupted by crying.
Funeral words are always pronounced standing. Their main task is to revive bright memories of the deceased in the memory of those gathered.

Here is an example of the words of a memorial speech on behalf of children remembering their father:

“Father has always been a wonderful example not only for all of us, but also for many people around him. From him we learned to see and distinguish true life values, to give kindness to others. Many people who knew him admired his bright soul. We believe that our father left us too early. Eternal memory to him!

Sample speech

Many people think when they organize a wake for 40 days after a death: “What to say?”... There is no established version of such a speech. The most important thing is to say the words from the heart. But there are still certain rules, using which you can prepare and speak correctly during the funeral ceremony.

You should begin by greeting those present, followed by a story about who you are to the deceased. Say a few words about mourning and then move on to talk about the good aspects of the person being remembered. If possible, remember the good moments you experienced together. It is very appropriate to involve other people in the memories so that your story is complemented by good memories. The speech ends with a promise to forever remember the one being remembered.

Still, you can remember a deceased person whenever you want. The main thing is to follow the basic rules of the funeral rite: prayer, alms and good memories of the deceased.